It’s All Hugs Not Handshakes For Dads Today

Once upon a time, seeing a dad at the school gates meant one of three things:
1. He is sleep-walking
2. His wife is too ill to drag herself out of bed
3. He took a wrong turn on the way to work
 
But those days are over.
 
 
 
Now, on a typical school run there are almost as many dads as mums juggling school bags and PE kits, and wondering why they didn’t get the memo about it being Dress-Up-As-A-Superhero-Day.
 
Dads are now actively participating in childcare, the school run and daily activities with children more than ever, it seems. Even in the seventeen years that I’ve been a parent I’ve seen a noticeable increase in the number of dads on the block.
 
This anecdotal change is borne out by the results of a new survey on fatherhood by Care.com, which found there is a very definite shift occurring in how much time dads spend with their children, and how close their bond is. And, perhaps unsurprisingly, this is markedly more than the amount of time they spent with their own fathers.
 
Six out of ten dads participating in the survey said they believe they have a better, more supportive and hands-on relationship with their children than they themselves experienced, and seven out of ten said they play a bigger part in their kids’ lives than their own dad did.
 
This isn’t a coincidence. A third of dads surveyed, said they consciously devote more time and effort to being around their kids, mindful of a lack of time they enjoyed with their own dad. Emotional or practical distance from their own fathers, and a wish not to repeat that with their own children had a huge role to play in this shift.
 
One big factor in this change is social support, and employment changes: there are better paternity rights than ever, and more companies now offering flexible working hours, to allow dads to swap the office for the sports field.
 
Social ‘norms’ can have a big influence too, and with super dads like David Beckham, Jamie Oliver, Matt Damon and Hugh Jackman throwing their kids around the playground laughing, buying ice creams and not minding if it goes all over their kids’ clothing, and playing the fool gladly on family days out means the image of ‘a good, desirable dad’ has shifted from a man in a brown suit waiting for his wife to bring him his dinner.
 
One result in the survey that surprised me, and is very useful for mums to note is how dads feel about being judged, and competition with other dads. With 81% of dads revealing that they don’t worry about being judged on their parenting skills and 73% reporting they don’t feel any competition with other dads in the playground.
 
Really?! If you asked this of mothers, I’m absolutely sure you would get the exact opposite result. Mothers constantly feel judged by other mums, and the competition at the school gate is as fierce as it is well documented.
 
I think we’d do well to learn from dads here, and take a little step back from the parenting competition, and just do things the way we find works for us. If someone else doesn’t agree – well, that’s their problem, not ours.
 
I think it’s fantastic that more dads are actively involved in everyday parenting. It’s not only good for their children, it’s also good for the dads themselves, their partners, and the family as a whole. Amazing that nobody thought about it before, really!