Caregiving is like having multiple demanding, high-skilled jobs at once. The workday might begin as nursing, then transition to financial asset management by lunch, then end as emotional support counselling late into the night. Throw in some house cleaning chores on the side, plus a working week that often extends past traditional working hours, and carers are often poised to have very little time for themselves. They may find themselves feeling isolated, irritable and low as a result.
A stronger alternative is to seek therapy and speak with a qualified professional trained to understand, and act on, the unique challenges that carers face. Here are the main benefits associated with going to therapy as a carer, plus ways to make it work with an extremely tight schedule.
Benefits of therapy for carers
1. Your frustrations will be validated
Firstly (and possibly most importantly), therapy can provide carers with near-instant validation. Carers are apt to question their frustrations, due to the very personal nature of their jobs. So hearing a professional explain that it’s more than OK to feel anger, resentment and any others from a host of negative emotions can make a world of difference.
Some carers may even experience guilt for seeking counselling in the first place. When much of your time is consumed by looking after someone else, it can feel difficult to take time out for yourself. Accordingly, people in caregiving roles may neglect their own needs and feel bad about paying them attention. Therapists can help address these concerns and put them to rest.
2. It can lead to more quality time with the person you’re caring for
Carers are often caring for ageing parents or relatives — a task which tends to come saddled with decades’ worth of complex, sometimes strained relationships. This complexity can exacerbate any frustrations that arise.
Carers who are emotionally supported are less apt to react negatively to what a parent is doing, like repeating the same thing over and over or asking for help with something you’ve already shown them. Tiredness and overwhelm can make it harder to show the patience and tolerance you would do if you felt better yourself. Therapy for carers can help you develop the tools for emotional resilience to get you through tough moments.
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3. It can help you deal with stress and its negative health effects
Caregiving can be a physically and emotionally taxing role. Therapy can help you engage with the stress involved and develop strategies to deal with it. Stress can be harmful to your health, and finding ways to alleviate it can help prevent stress-related ailments associated with caregiving — from aches and pains and exhaustion to more serious issues. Therapists are usually capable of recommending clients the right support to help them deal with feeling frazzled, worn out and low in mood.
Mayo Clinic warns to look for these signs of carer stress, many of which a therapist can help you keep an eye on:
- Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried.
- Often feeling tired.
- Getting too much sleep or not enough sleep.
- Gaining or losing weight.
- Becoming easily irritated or angry.
- Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy.
- Feeling sad.
- Having frequent headaches, bodily pain or other physical problems.
- Abusing alcohol or drugs, including prescription medications.
4. You’ll learn to restructure your time
Therapy can be used to dissect complex emotions, but it can also be used to help better manage your time. It’s important for carers to make time for activities they find relaxing and enjoyable away from their caregiving role. Working with a therapist is a great way for carers to focus on what else matters to them and to lead a more balanced life.
5. You can refine your communication skills
One major component to therapy, particularly for carers, is understanding how to use your voice. The therapy room can be a safe space to develop and practise healthy interpersonal skills and approaches to feelings and emotions that promote our own well-being. These can include standing up for your own needs and interests, working with boundaries, asking for support and a listening ear, regulating your emotions and controlling how you respond in difficult situations.
So whether it’s more strongly communicating your personal boundaries with an ageing parent or setting limits on your time as a carer, therapy can help you build — and communicate — your point of view in a healthy, effective way.
How to find a therapist as a carer
1. Seek support through the NHS
If you are feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed or are struggling with your mental health, your GP may be a helpful initial port of call. They are trained to offer patients a listening ear and should be aware of the stresses and strains experienced by carers. Simply speaking to a trusted medical professional is a useful first step towards feeling better. Where appropriate, they can recommend or refer you to support services available through the NHS, such as talking therapy. They may also follow up with you or help you deal with related issues affecting your health and well-being, such as diet, sleep, exercise and any physical ailments associated with the difficulties of caregiving.
2. Look for a private therapist
As NHS waiting lists for talking therapy can be long, you may wish to enlist the services of a therapist working in private practice.
Therapists will often have specialisms listed on their website. These may include topic-specific counselling for things like stress, depression, anxiety, relationship issues and more. Many therapists become registered members of professional organisations such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), which ensure that they meet and uphold specific requirements for quality of care. The BACP website is a good place to look for a reputable therapist to work with.
Credentials aren’t everything, however. Consider meeting a few therapists to help you decide who to work with. Many offer exploratory initial consultations in person or over the phone free of charge. This helps the prospective client and the professional establish whether they are a good fit interpersonally, which is one of the key factors in creating a safe and helpful space for sharing.
If private therapy is prohibitively expensive, look for therapists who offer “sliding scale” fees for sessions, which are based on a person’s earnings or other factors, or affordable services for people on a low income. Newly qualified professionals or those working towards further qualifications may bill their time at a cheaper rate.
3. If you can’t afford one-to-one therapy, support groups can help
The simple act of talking to someone who understands what you’re going through as a carer can be enough to help. Joining a local support group can be a good way to do this.
Facebook also tends to have many unofficial support groups (just try searching for carer support groups in your area), whilst organisations such as Mind offer tools for finding suitable support groups.
However, there are signs that therapy for carers would be a helpful course of action, particularly if you find yourself taking your feelings of frustration or overwhelm out on the person you’re looking after.
