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The last few weeks have been full of fabulous stories of triumph and effort, and team GB’s inspirational competitors. There are so many examples — the story of Laura Trott and the physical problems that she has overcome to become a world beating sportswoman, Joanna Rowsell’s indomitable spirit and desire to become an inspiration to other girls suffering from hair loss.
In those breath-taking stories and competitions there have been two that made me stop and think much, much more than the others. The first was from within sports and the other was from politics.
The first, Sarah Ayton’s choice in 2011 to retire, and thus lose the opportunity to go for a historic third Olympic title in London 2012, was in part to give her husband Nick Dempsey the chance to go for a medal, when he had narrowly missed out at Beijing. Dempsey thanked her directly when talking to the press after his silver in wind surfing. They had hired a nanny when they had their first child, but Ayton announced her retirement in 2011 when she found that juggling Olympic training and motherhood left her “drained and unhappy”.
“To succeed at the highest level as an Olympic athlete you have to be pretty single-minded,” she had said at the time. “That’s something that just doesn’t sit happily when you’re a mum as well.”
The other story, this time from the world of politics, was the news that Louise Mensch was giving up her seat in Parliament in order to move her family to New York, to be with her husband Peter Mensch, the manager of Metallica. This will trigger a by-election and once again reduce the number of female representatives in the Houses of Parliament.
Of course, both of these stories, in particular Louise’s, started me thinking again about the wearisome debate that goes “Can you have a full-time, demanding job and a happy family?” I quickly turned that particular conversation off in my head and shrugged wearily, remembering that not once has anyone solved that particular debate. As a younger, single woman I had certainly enjoyed reading all of Mensch’s novels about career girls and their ups and downs – but I seem to remember that Louise Bagshawe, as she was then, had normally solved the debate by having the girls marry the man of their dreams and then produce children.
All I know is that the idea of staying at home on a full-time basis is not an option for me and for many other women. Financially it isn’t an option for many of us, and also personally it isn’t an option for us. The inclination to be active and involved in the community, plus economically independent is so strong in my case that I would soon prove impossible to live with – so staying at home really isn’t a good choice for my family and me.
Of course, I want to be there for my husband and children (and my favourite Labrador!), but I would rather settle for being there some of the time – and make that time count – than all of the time. Time will only tell if I manage to pull it off, but my philosophy has always been that you have got to be in it to win it. If you don’t give yourself the chance to try, you will never know if you can succeed.
What do you think about these famous mums putting their careers on hold to take care of their families? If you could afford it, would you do the same? What keeps you going through the tough times?