Carers with Benefits

One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is knowing what to do with your children when you can’t parent them. Because, amazingly enough, even the “Best Parents In The World Ever”, occasionally need to step away for a moment and not be with their staggeringly expensive, crumb-dropping, snot-dribbling offspring.
 
 
 
When Alone Time begins to feel impossible…
 
And this causes problems; because Human Biology has neatly arranged it such that the fruits of our loins are physically incapable of doing anything by themselves, for the first year of their lives. And in some cases the first 35.
 
Just something as simple as going to the toilet on your own is a logistical minefield when kids are very young – they want to come with you, hang onto your ankles, pass you toilet paper and ask you to explain why the moon is round and how air works. I’m just trying to go to the bathroom for a second!
 
So the idea of, say, going out for an hour (AN HOUR??) is almost impossible to imagine. As for a whole day at work… forget about it. Leaving them in the play area of your local IKEA is, somewhat annoyingly, frowned upon these days, so we need to come up with a viable Plan B to allow us to have any kind of life outside of the ever-spinning whirlpool of being Parents.
 
For those of us who don’t have family living nearby to help us out, as would have happened in the good old days when people lived in villages and never travelled further than the nearest Tavern and back, we need to find alternatives. Yes, 24-hour television and Netflix is useful. But children find it quite boring to be left watching Masterchef on repeat, while you go to the gym. And it’s also illegal. (The abandoning your children bit, not the Masterchef. Just to be clear.)
 
This, of course, is where child care comes in.
 
There are two schools of thought on child carers;
School one; no, never.
School two; where do I sign up??
 
I was firmly in school one, until about a week after my first child was born. My almost immediate decamping into school two was largely because I realized that if I didn’t get a bit of help at some point, I ran the risk of waking up one morning under a 12-foot pit of dirty laundry and unwashed baby milk bottles, having a monumental breakdown. This scenario didn’t seem to me to be very helpful when it came to looking after my child.
 
The idea that a child carer is there as some kind of on-duty robot, only there to ensure your child survives the day while you’re out, and to perform basic duties like feeding them, changing them and preventing them from electrocuting themselves, drowning or killing the cat, is ludicrously outdated.
 
Good child care can provide a huge amount more.
 
This is especially useful to remember when you have that head-spinning moment of ‘hang on a second – I’m out working all day to earn money to… pay for someone else to look after my child. How is THIS sensible??’
 
Well, it’s sensible because a) you can keep your foot in the career door – always helpful when your children go to school and you realise you need something to DO, beyond wait for them to come home again. And b) because it means your brain gets a break from nappies and can think about Adult Worky Stuff instead. And c) because a good child carer can give something extra to your child, that you can’t. The c) part is key here. Your money isn’t going on a surrogate you; it’s going on something different to you. It’s a bonus. A positive addition. A plus.
 
Oh, the Benefits!
 
If you choose a nanny who is foreign, your child can learn a new language – or at least get the basics of one – just by talking with them. In these days of multicultural, multilingual, globalism, this is more useful – and potentially life-changing – than ever.
 
Or you could find someone who is great at Maths, or History, chemistry or computer science, and ask if they can help out a little with homework, or just show your children something they wouldn’t otherwise have learned.
 
Some child carers are great at music and can teach your children the piano or guitar while you’re out screaming at spreadsheets and deadlines. Bingo – suddenly you’re getting free music lessons in there too.
 
There are even child carers who actually like talking about how to get from Level 5 to Level 6 on some computer game you’ve never heard of, and don’t care about, and tear your hair out having to listen to. I suggest getting two of these wonderful people, just to make sure there’s always one available.
 
Alleviating Parental Guilt
 
In short, a really good child carer should be an extra, greatly beneficial part of your child’s life. They should bring something to your children that you can’t offer yourself, and be a part of the family.
 
There are so many options where child care is concerned, so if you spend some time doing your research, interviewing people, reading their CVs, and just asking them what they are interested in, what hobbies they have and so on, you might just stumble upon a little piece of child care gold dust which will add lots of sparkle to your child’s day.
 
This not only benefits your children, it also benefits YOU, because it means you are suddenly 100% guilt free. And as we all know, alleviating parental guilt is one of the best things we parents can do.
 
So go and find your nearest child care genius, cycling champion or hip hop whiz, and make them a part of your child’s life. You never know where it might take them one day.