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That start of the new school year is a time of mixed emotions for parents across the country. Writer, editor and broadcaster Liz Fraser reflects on what she plans to do differently for the term ahead:
This week is Back To School week, for most parents of the UK. It’s the week where millions of children suddenly discover, having had a full 6 weeks to think about it, that their shoes are four sizes too small, they have no pencils or matching socks, their PE kit bag has a hole in it bigger than a tennis racket, and they forgot to take their lunch box out of their school bag at the end of July and it now has a small rainforest of green mould growing in it. Conveniently all the shops are now shut.
It’s also the week that millions of parents either heave themselves downstairs bemoaning the start of the new ghastly term with its relentless chaotic mornings, after-school clubs and homework battles, or leap out of bed singing, delighted that after the long, exhausting summer ‘holiday’ their children will be out of their hands for a full SIX HOURS A DAY! Quick! Book a facial, go out for lunch, watch Bridget Jones on repeat–we are free!
Whichever way we react, I like to think of the new term not just as a fresh start and a new school year for them, but for us too.
Where they may have a new school, new teachers, friends and unopened exercise books that smell of potential and will soon have genitals scrawled in the margins. We have a new school year to sit down and make some plans for ourselves, of how this new Parenting Year is going to go.
It’s a bit like opening our own fresh exercise book at the start of term, and writing a list of ‘Things I am going to do differently’. It’s a good exercise to do. Because one of the 750,000 tricky things I find about parenting is how easy it is to slip into bad or lazy routines and habits, and not even notice they’ve happened.
First, you become unbothered to change this, because nobody else in the family seems to have noticed. Quite frankly it’s going to involve a heck of a fight to change a thing.
So then you think you might as well just carry on as you are, leaving the school bags in the hall floor, making depressingly, unexciting packed lunches in a rush every morning and allowing our children to sit in bed Facetiming their mates when they’re supposed to be reading Northanger Abbey or sleeping.
And because life just trogs on and on in a continuous loop of Monday mornings, weekend clubs, half term breaks, Nativity plays, Easter, exams, birthday parties and sports days. It’s hard to ever sit down and think about what we’re doing and how we could have a bit of a habits and clear-out, and a fresh start.
Wave goodbye to bad habits and distractions
Top of my list this year is to try and actually be in the room, when I’m in the room. I have a terrible habit of not being present, when I’m present. I’m easily distracted by technology, thoughts, phone calls, ideas, Tweets and notifications, and sort of… disappearing off into the middle-distance when someone is right in front of me, talking to me.
It’s not only incredibly rude, it’s also very bad for my children who I’m sure feel that I would rather be anywhere else in the world, than with them. That’s not true, of course. But it might very well seem that way if I’m basically ignoring everything around me, and appear to be 400 miles away in a conversation with someone else. It also makes me very unfocussed, scatty and probably very tired.
For example, a child who is constantly looking at a phone or not listening when they’re talking to us is right up there with throwing food at the walls. It’s just. Really. Bad. So this term I’m going to try and stop it.
Handling the change from Primary to Secondary
Another thing a new term brings with it, where parenting is concerned, is an almost completely new relationship with each child. And ways that we need to change and adapt to the fact that they are now a year older, in a new school year, and therefore probably quite different to how they were the year before. They’re a whole school year older. They are sooo cool now, Mum.
The biggest change here is the shift from Primary to Secondary, where previously small, sweet, giggly children turn into über-cool, hair-flicking, eye-rolling, foot-dragging, mono-syllabic dudes, who only want to communicate via WhatsApp and don’t have any time for such mundane, childish things as saying hello, or being in the same room as you.
And you can forget about hugs or kisses any more. Kisses?! Ughhh! You might as well be giving them leprosy. Even being seen within half a mile of the school gate is tantamount to child cruelty once they’re past the age of ten or so.
This is normal. Sure it hurts to see our babies grow up every year and pull away. But they’re just growing up. Before the lunch bell has rung, they’re already ‘too cool for skool’ or far too cool for us.
We can just watch as they enter a new school year, find their new lockers and newly enormous feet, negotiate the minefield of friendships and hormones, playground politics and Best Friend wars, and try every year to be the new parents these ‘new’ children need, at this time in their lives.
Make a list
So have a little sit down this September with your freshly sharpened pencils and smooth, unmarked notebook, and take some time to make a little list of things you think the coming term might bring, and how you’re going to deal with that.
It might be a small shift in working hours to fit in with a change in after-school club timetables, new childcare arrangements, a clear-out of toys in their bedrooms which are far too childish for them now, or just some changes in yourself that you think might be a good thing, for the term to come. And sort of Family MOT. When you’ve passed and are road-ready again, off you go, into the new school year.
Until the next term, when it starts all over again!
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