I am writing this column in very strange, turbulent, confused and unsettling times.
Not because England has already been kicked out of the Euros; that was largely expected.
No; because last week the people of the United Kingdom, where I live, voted by a very small majority to make Britain leave the EU.
And since then, for many of us, our whole world feels as if it had been turned upside down.
Now, this is not a political column and I’m not about to make it one. It is about parenting, family life, and caring for those we love.
But within that remit, there is certainly a place to write about the effect of such political upheaval, social change and inter-personal friction, where it comes to our children. Not about telling them what they should believe, of course. But about how what’s happening around them on a national and international stage might affect them, and, almost more importantly, what our reaction to it, in terms of behavior towards others, teaches them.
I’m going to come right off the fence at the very start here, and say that I am a Europhile, through and through.
My mother was a Czech immigrant in 1968 – a political refugee, in fact – and I lived and went to school for a time in both Germany and France as a child. I then went to the European School in Oxford, where all our classes were filled with Italians, Dutch, French, Danes, Germans, Belgians and so on.
I grew up surrounded by children of all European nationalities, in a loud, colourful, warm, crazy melting-pot of cultures and tongues.
I shared Danish salami sandwiches at lunchtime with my Spanish friends, played kiss-chase with the French (always the best kissers, bien sûr), and was taught History by a German teacher in a class full of Greeks.
We were taught to tolerate, appreciate and love our differences. To cooperate, negotiate, often wave our arms in frustration, but play TOGETHER. And be happier for it.
This was the multicultural, multilingual, multicoloured world I grew up in. And I loved it. It’s the only world I know. And it’s the world I want my children to grow up in too.
Where all of this relates to parenting, is in the way we show our children how to behave towards others.How to accept differences, be tolerant of each other, respect other ways of being, listen to opposing points of view, learn to share, adopt new ideas and ways of living, and embrace difference, rather than fear it.
It would thus be as bad for me to bad-mouth the ‘Leave’ voters now, as it is for them to insult the foreign nationals they want to get rid of. And if my children want to vote a different way to me, or have different beliefs or wishes for the world they live in, then they have every right to those, and it’s not for me, their mother, to disregard those opinions.
As parents, we can educate, inform, influence, support and advise. But we can’t tell our children what to think. Taking a step back, and letting them develop their own views on things, and learn the skills to argue a point through, is a hugely valuable, if difficult, part of parenting.
Just as we care for those in our families, so we need to care for all of those who share this world with us. And we need to show our children that now, more than ever.
Whatever happens next for the UK and indeed for the whole of the EU, I can’t help feeling that this whole Referendum, and the social fall-out from it, it has been a very sad thing.
It has divided, caused argument and upset, and shown many people at their worst. I feel less British now than ever, yet more disliked by and distanced from our European neighbours. I’m not sure which ‘family’ I belong to any more, or what lies ahead for my children.
My heart feels truly broken, as is also the case for many people I know. The future feels horribly uncertain, and the past painfully broken. But, as in all times of stress or crisis, we parents need to take the lead, be strong, fair and balanced, and show our children how to behave when things get tough.
I feel strangely and unexpectedly calm this week, now that the initial shock has passed. Like a still lake, in a storm. The markets can crash around us. Leaders can fall. Material things, savings, and plans can be destroyed.
But for as long as we have good friends, love and our families, and people around us who can care for us in times of need, and provide a much-needed laugh sometimes, we will all be OK.
In whatever form our world takes next.
The Brexit Aftermath
In the wake of the EU referendum, Care.com's Modern Family Expert reflects on how Brexit may impact parenting and family life.
