The curse of the first-born is that they’re the first-born. The curse of all subsequent children is that they‘re not the first-born.
Study after study has been done about birth order, and which character traits, life-chances and degrees of fashion sense one is likely to have, based on where you come in the family’s sibling order.
The experiences of all siblings are different and there are advantages and disadvantages for each.
For the parents, here is a list of some of the main things that differ between having one child and having more than one – both for YOU, and for the children.
Double-tired
You remember how tired you were the first time you were pregnant and had a new baby? Well, multiple it by 500 for each subsequent child. The effect of this on the child, especially the older one, is that you are suddenly too tired to do lots of things you used to do. This can come as a bit of a shock, but they get used to it. For the newborn, they’ve never known you any other way, and just assume that this is what their mother always looks like.
Not enough hands
Somewhat inconveniently, when we have more children we don’t grow more arms. I’d have thought Nature might have sorted this out by now – but no. When you have one child, you have two hands available to look after this one wriggling, pooing, crying bundle of mess. With two, things get very difficult, and often there’s a bit of a queue forming for mummy to be able to do all the things she needs her arms to do.
The advantage to the child, I think, is that they’re more patient and get used to having to wait a bit, from a very early age. This is probably no bad thing.
Been there, done that
There’s an obvious lack of ‘WOW’ factor in subsequent children. That’s not in ANY way to suggest that it’s not still incredible when they smile for the first time, get their first tooth, take their first step, etc. It’s AMAZING!! But it’s not the very first time. The good thing is that you’re used to it so you’re more relaxed about it and can just enjoy it, rather than either weeping for joy or panicking about them walking straight into a tree.
Missing photos
The number of photos you take of your children decreases by 50% with each child. We have about 20 photo albums crammed with pictures of our eldest, but very few of my third-born. But it’s an idea to at least TRY and take some photos of all of them. Not least so that you can prove that you did care!
Second fiddle
Older siblings get to do everything first, and be the Amazing First Child who had their parents’ undivided attention. Younger siblings often feel that they can never quite match up to that. There’s very little we can do about this, except to keep reassuring the younger ones that while they are all different, they are equally amazing and fabulous, and equally annoying and difficult. And we love them equally, and forever.
This is eaaasyyy
The great advantage of everything you do with child 2, 3 and more (if you’re that crazy!) is that you’ve done it all before, so you are MUCH more relaxed about it all. Even holding your baby is pretty terrifying the first time you do it. By the time number two comes along, you’re slinging it under one arm while pushing the older on in a swing and making a phone call at the same time. I’m pretty sure some of this relaxed attitude rubs off on the child, which is a good thing. They know you’re OK, so they’re OK.
That’s not fair!!
One of Life’s great injustices is that Life isn’t fair. Where we might intend to treat our children equally, the fact is that when we’re tired, and we’ve fought the fight a hundred times already, we often just give up, hold our hands in the air, cave in and say YES! So where the eldest often has to fight for every sleepover, every chocolate bar, every night out and every unsuitable item of clothing, the little ones get away with murder at the first hurdle, because the path has been smoothed over by their siblings, and you can’t be bothered to argue any more.