From the 5th April, new rights to allow parents to share leave following the birth or adoption of their child become Law.
The new rules mean that couples with babies due, or children matched or placed for adoption, after 5 April 2015 will be able to share leave.
After an initial two weeks, up to 50 weeks of leave and 37 weeks of pay can now be shared between both parents, allowing fathers to stay at home for much longer, and help out with the demands of a new baby in the house.
There has been much jubilation about this news among parents, many of whom hail it as a much-needed, overdue step in the direction towards equality, and one which will greatly help new mothers at home, struggling with the demands of looking after a newborn, while Dad returns to work, and she’s left there drowning in nappies and exhaustion. I can see this point of view.
But I can also see this one, which was my initial reaction to the news: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? HAVE HIM STAY AT HOME FOR THREE MONTHS?? THIS IS WORSE THAN HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!
I’m joking, of course. But really, the idea of having my husband kicking around the house for months after I had my children is one that makes me weak at the already weak knees.
Much as I loved having him there in the early weeks, and really needed it, within about five days I was desperate to have some kind of normality back in the house. Some space to do things my way. Of course, this is just my experience, and I was lucky in that there were no complications after the birth of any of my children.
I was pretty able to cope with things after a few days, and it was good for my husband’s work that he could go back so soon, and keep on top of things there. We needed the income, and holding on to his job was very important.
Psychologically we both found it very positive to return to some kind of ‘normal’ daily routine at a point where everything else in our lives seemed to have gone out of the window!
Following the introduction of this new shared parental leave, many parents will be struggling to decide how to use it – or whether to use it at all – but here are some things to consider:
- You BOTH have a say in this. If you crave some sense of normality, and you’d like to have time to just be with the children alone, without someone else in the house, you have every right to say that you don’t want him to stay at home.
- Be sensitive about his needs too. If he craves some time bonding with the baby, or spending time with the older siblings who can feel very left out at this stage, it’s really important that these needs are recognised.
- Store it up. Bear in mind that you might benefit from the help more in a few weeks’ time, than all at once near the birth. Many mothers I know were fine after a week or two, but then hit another low about 3 months down the line. So if he can take some time off THEN, that can often be more useful.
- What do you need? Establish right from the start what help you need, and what is a hindrance more than a help. It’s about working together to make this easier for you both, so make sure you’re both working from the same page.
- Be prepared to change your minds. If you find that it’s just not working out as you’d hoped it might and actually you either need more or less help at home, say so. This isn’t an exact science, and things can go very differently to how you imagined they might.
- Talk about it. If either of you isn’t happy about the parenting set-up, talk about it! He might not even know how you are feeling – and vice versa. You’re a TEAM, here, and teams work much better if they communicate well.