I often think about how my children will remember me when they have grown up and left home. Or how they describe me to their friends now – if indeed they ever do. And it struck me recently that the term they are most likely to use to describe me, for the last decade of their lives, is TIRED. Tired. Tired Tired.
I honestly cannot remember the last time a day went by when I didn’t say to my children, at least five times, ‘I can’t. I am SO tired.’
Mum, can we do X, Y, Z? No, I’m too tired.
Mum, want to come and watch blah blah with me? No, I’m too tired.
Mum, can I – No, I’m too tired!
It became so boring we even instigated a ban this New Year on the word ‘tired.’ I think we decided it was time to take it as read that, at any time of the day and on any day of the week, Mummy is absolutely bloody exhausted. That’s now the expected bench mark.
Move on people, there nothing to see or do here. Nobody’s home. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
This situation is, basically, ridiculous. And fairly inexcusable. For me to be too tired to think, speak, play or do anything more than crawl from work to cooking to washing up to laundry to BED is not how I want my children to remember me. My son actually said to me the other day, ‘Mum, you know you say you often describe me to other people when you meet them? Well I never describe you to them – luckily for you.’
This, of course, made me crack up laughing. But it did stick with me, and I thought – maybe I should try to find a way to be less… chronically knackered all the time because I’m so busy being ‘Such An Organised Mum’ I can’t be a fun mum. Ever.
Exhaustion is expected in the early years. You don’t sleep for months, and daily life is shattering with babies and toddlers. But what I didn’t expect is that… this doesn’t go away.
Because as they get older and they can look after themselves and you have much more free time, all you do is… fill it with ever more stuff. Every available second gets immediately filled with more work, more admin, more house work, more texts, emails, lists, piles… life.
So, how will you ever beat the tiredness?
- Cut down on the amount of things you do. If it’s not super, super urgent, don’t do it. Really, the world will keep turning.
- Ever thought about the possibility of getting some help to support with some of your many jobs? Don’t think of it as failing – it is about allowing you to feel supported, giving yourself some much needed breathing space (or sleep time even).
- Don’t cram that free time with more work! If you can learn your limit and learn to say no to people and requests sometimes, you’ll not only feel somewhat liberated but you’ll also soon find you are able to balance your busy time with downtime to ensure you are well rested.
- Why not try something more drastic? Put a week aside for 5 early nights in a row. Switch off the laptop at 8pm. Don’t start watching a film at 9 o-clock. Don’t drink. Just go to bed! Really, you will hit the new week feeling like a new person.
With at least some of these motions in practice, when it comes to one of your children saying, ‘Mummy, can we…’, the answer is a lot more likely to be YES.