Being a parent is a very time-consuming, tiring, busy, unpaid job. And that’s often to be managed on top of a time-consuming, tiring, busy, paid job.
All of the thousands of chores and things to do, laundry, work emails, homework help and parents’ evenings can take up 99.9% of our waking lives, and a good chunk of our sleeping ones too. This leaves approximately 0.01% of our lives left over for spending quality time with our partners.
This is, of course, an exaggeration. But a recent study by Care.com revealed that 3 out of 4 parents (75%) spend five or fewer date nights together each year. Each YEAR! That’s less than one every two months.
And going by most of the friends I have with children, and my own experience, I’d say this is about right. In fact, I’d say I probably go on a date night even less than this.
While time is the main factor, and let’s face it, most of us have very little free time, prioritising is a really big factor too. Luckily, this is one we have much more control over.
In the Care.com survey, 81% of parents said spending quality time with their partner was at the bottom of their list of things to do, falling below work, housework and prepping or cooking meals. In other words most of us think defrosting the freezer is more important than going out on a date with our partner. This to me is bonkers. Because when you put your relationship so low down the list of priorities and desires, you are walking straight towards a relationship disaster.
Interestingly, 62% of mums surveyed said they often feel guilty about the lack of time they spend with their partner, to which I say if you feel guilty about it, DO something to change that! You really can.
Childcare is, of course, a big issue here as if you don’t have anyone to look after the children, it’s very hard to go out. Approximately half of all mums aren’t happy with the help and support from others with their childcare, elderly care and pet care, according to the Care.com survey. However, nearly half (44%) think if they had a care structure that they were happy with, they would spend more quality time with their partner.
So… go and find some help and support. Anon-judgemental and supportive care solution such as Care.com can help you find different options in the local area to give you time to make those all-important date nights easier, more relaxed and a much more realistic proposition.
It’s so hard to juggle everything, but somewhere in the middle of it all is the core strength in your family, and that’s the relationship you have with your partner. So nurture it, and find a way to spend time together.
Don’t think of it as spending money; think of it as investing in your lives together.
