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This week, a friend of mine called me in distress, to talk through her childcare issues. Her current arrangements, through no fault of hers, had fallen through. Her usual back-up carers were all on holiday or in full-time work, and it was proving challenging to find last-minute care that she was happy with, so that she could get back to the office to focus on a job that she loved.
“Sometimes it just feels like it would be easier to stay at home and be with the children. Why do we put ourselves through this?”
I certainly commiserated with her, having been through the same issues myself. Finding back-up care, emergency care, full-time nannies, part-time nannies, childminders and babysitters, as well as finding a way to manage the house and the pets, has long been a preoccupation for me!
If we are in this position of juggling career and childcare, or other care needs such as looking after our parents or other relatives, there are a few things worth remembering, to remind yourself that it is all worth it:
1. Think of all the time and effort that you have put in to be where you are today, let alone the difficult choices your own parents may have faced to help you along the way. Without wishing to turn this blog entry into a guilt fest about all those holidays your parents had to give up so that you could learn lacrosse, it is always worth remembering that you and other people did a lot of stuff to get you where you are today – a working parent with a great deal of choices and wide horizons.
2. Chances are, you probably enjoy lots of things about your job. OK, so you don’t enjoy sitting at your desk and stressing about finding a new nanny or childminder, but you get a real satisfaction out of a job well done. You probably have a nice office –based social life, where you can enjoy some banter or catch up on how your colleagues are, or you get to meet new people or travel occasionally. As well as an excuse to get out of yogurt stained jeans, into some heels and the occasional sassy dress.
3. By staying in work you are making a positive contribution to your family and your community. No-one likes the idea of being dependent on anyone else for their financial or emotional security. Even though, as working parents, we are used to others being dependent on us, we rightly value our own independence. A stable income means that we can save up for things or contribute to a pension. Also, in these austere times, the more we contribute to that financial well-being, the more we can help our own local economy grow and prosper.
4. When we go out to work, we provide work for others. Sometimes, it can feel like we are going out to work so that we can pay for childcare. In the UK, paying for childcare out of our taxed income feels like a “double whammy” and if we employ a nanny or other carer for whom we need to pay tax and National Insurance on top, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry … however, be proud that you are giving someone else the chance to have a stable income and an enjoyable profession.
5. Look at it in the cold light of day. Often, we make decisions from the heart. Occasionally it is a good idea to make them with our heads. Sit down and run the numbers of working vs. not working, or changing your hours so that you can alter your childcare arrangements as well. We have all read the statistics about the UK being the most expensive country in the EU for childcare. If you are part of the small minority paying for childcare on credit cards, as recent research from Mumsnet and Daycare Trust suggests, maybe it is time to look for a new care arrangement – have you considered using a quality childminder or an au pair for school age children, instead of a nanny?
Tell me, what helps you stay focused on your job?