You’re stressed out. With children, a job, a life, parents aging, siblings fighting – not to mention the enormous amount of household responsibilities you need to keep track of, stress is more like a daily sensation than an occasional event.
And then that thing happens. You know, the one that makes you panic, maybe over-panic, but it doesn’t seem that way at the time. It’s more like the “why is this happening to me” type of anxiety. Countless articles seem to offer the same advice: count to ten, picture yourself on a beach, and take some yoga. If you had a quid for every time you heard that, you’d probably be a lot less stressed right now.
However, try taking some distance from the stressful event and break the negative loop that says “Why me? Why now? What next?”. So, instead of thinking of stress as things that happen to you, think of it as situations you can react to, and take a more active role. Here are some strategies we recommend for tackling common stressful situations:
- The Public Tantrum
Your child is melting down. Whether you’re at the shops or a party, there is no way you can make a graceful exit.- Keep calm. A tickle, cuddle or silly song can break the tension with a child. Losing your patience will not deter or shorten a tantrum and could make it worse.
- If possible, prepare. If you know your child has a hard time in unfamiliar situations, let him know what to expect. If you can, rehearse.
- Use snacks, toys, etc.. Create a diversion to help occupy or redirect.
- The Person Who Pushes Your Buttons
Maybe it’s your sister-in-law, or your mum or those women at your daughter’s ballet class. These women just make you crazy and the mere thought of seeing them makes your heart race.- Think objectively. What advice would you give your child or best friend if she were in a similar circumstance? Ask yourself if you are in any way contributing to the tense situation.
- Bring a diversion. Have something like a book or an i-Pad on hand that can help you avoid strained situations. Offer to help in the kitchen, or go to another room at the next family affair to remove yourself from stressful situations with family members.
- Don’t fixate. By ranting about it all the time, it will make it worse.
- Asking for a Pay Rise
Talking to your boss about getting more money is nerve wracking, stomach-clenching stress, but it can be done with minimal sweat.- Get confident. List all your accomplishments from the past year. Did you save the company money? Did you complete something that normally takes two people to do? Write it down and remember it.
- Rehearse. Don’t memorise a speech, it will make you look less confident and might cause the situation to feel awkward. Ask your partner or a close friend to help act out various scenarios. You’ll be ready for anything.
- Don’t personalise the request. Don’t bring up financial hardships as reason for a rise. Talk about why your work deserves better pay, instead of trying to emotionally blackmail your boss into more money.
- Think positively. Even if you are unable to secure a raise do not automatically assume that it is a reflection of your job performance. There are many reasons why a company may not be able to raise your pay at a given time. Ask your manager for advice on what you can do to increase your chance of getting a pay rise in the future – this will show that you are ambitious and a valuable employee.
- Nanny Calls in Sick
For many working parents, any deviation from the plan will lead to chaos. And of course, a sick care-provider always seems to happen when you Absolutely. Cannot. Miss. Work.- Try to have options. Create a list (when your nanny isn’t sick) of friends, family or neighbours who may be happy to help in these kind of emergencies.
- Stay strong. Ask for help or inform your manager or boss of the situation to keep them up to date on what’s happening. This is a part of life so try not to worry if it only happens every once in a while –but if it’s happening too often, it might be time for a new nanny.
- Create a plan with your provider. When hiring a nanny, make sure you ask for her to contact you at the first sign of illness – to give you the most lead-time possible. And when there is an emergency, see if she has a friend or a sister who might be able help out. It’s best if you meet this person, perform all the usual checks (DBS, references) and get comfortable with them before any situation arises.
- Missing a School Event
For some reason it seems events at your child’s school always coincide with something important at work. Besides, you can’t take a day off for every little thing.- Cut Yourself Some Slack. Your child might have just given you the saddest cute puppy look, but remember that you won’t be able to make it to everything. It’s okay. We all have working mum guilt. Remind yourself why you work and that you do the best you can to make your family-time count.
- Make it Up. If you can’t make it to music morning at school, ask the teacher if you can come in on another day and do something else with the class. Instead of 10 mums, you’ll be the only mum at school that day.
- Plan in Advance. Find out the days you absolutely can’t miss at school early in the year. (Sports Day, Christmas Concert) Make sure you ask for those days off. The rest, Dad, a nanny, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle can fill in.
- Bickering with Your Spouse
You love each other, but sometimes you and your partner get on each other’s nerves. It can be a stress that is often ignored until a full out blow out happens. Nip that in the bud.- Either Talk or Don’t. You can talk about what is irritating you, or you can choose to move past it. Ask him about his day. Watch TV together. Tell him something funny that happened with the kids.
- Go out on a Date. With children and work and life, your relationship can fall low on the list of priorities. Schedule some alone time with each other. If a babysitter on a Saturday night isn’t an option, set the clock early one morning and have coffee or just spend time together.
- Laugh. Laughter heals a lot of annoyances. Joking around, watching a comedy or even laughing at a clip on YouTube can break the tension. When things are light, you can talk about what’s on your mind without the stress.
- Crisis with an Aging Relative
Mum just fell down the stairs. She’s okay – for now. But what does this mean for her future? It’s hard not to feel upset or scared or stressed in this type of situation, but it should not leave you feeling powerless.- Don’t go it alone. Even if you are an only child, this is a big job to shoulder by yourself. Look into caregivers for your elderly relatives, community centres and nursing services that can help your parent.
- Talk to professionals. There is an army of resources you can lean on. The local GP is a good place to start, then try your parents’ local authority and social services to see what sort of extra help they might be eligible for.
- Don’t forget about you. This type of stress can take an emotional and physical toll. Get rest, give yourself time to continue some of your favourite exercise or spa routines, stay healthy and keep in touch with friends and loved ones. It’s easy to deprive yourself of these things for the sake of others. But it does no one any good if you feel like you are falling apart.
It’s perfectly natural to feel stress. Sometimes that feeling can be a good thing and can act as a motivator, but there are times it acts as a distraction or overwhelms you. The trick is to remember that while life may never be totally stress free, make sure that you do all you can to keep balanced and happy.