If your last or only kid is headed to kindergarten, known in some parts of Canada as pre-elementary, you are probably experiencing some pretty powerful emotions. These feelings can be overwhelming, and in fact, some have even coined a term for this challenging phenomenon: kindergarten empty nest. While it’s not the traditional “empty nest”, meaning when children leave for college, it does involve a big emotional transition for many parents.
Read on to learn more about kindergarten empty nest syndrome, including what it feels like, how to cope with the emotions and how to keep the bond strong between yourself and your kindergartner as you navigate this brand-new chapter.
What is kindergarten empty nest syndrome?
While kindergarten empty nest syndrome isn’t an official psychological term, it describes feelings of grief that many parents experience when their last child enters grade school.
“Relinquishing the care of your last baby to someone else, a virtual stranger, is certainly traumatic, and there is no reason to trivialize it,” says Ella Burakowski, a Canadian advice columnist.
One of the symptoms of kindergarten empty nest is that it usually involves a blend of emotions — some of which even seem to contradict each other. You can be proud and excited that your last child is starting kindergarten, while also feeling sad that you’ll no longer be spending so much time with them.
Some of the emotions common to kindergarten empty nest include:
- Grief, because this transition closes the door on the baby, toddler and preschool years.
- Excitement and joy to see what adventures await your child.
- Hopefulness about having more time for hobbies, activities or friendships.
- Worry about how your child is faring without you.
- Wonder at watching your child become more independent.
- Sadness because you miss your child or feel their growth and maturity as a loss.
Why do parents experience kindergarten empty nest syndrome?
Your last child going off to kindergarten represents an important transition for them, yourself and your entire family. It’s a profound moment, and the therapists we spoke to said that it’s important to acknowledge this in some way.
We often focus primarily on what this transition means for our little ones. We make a big deal of it, taking pictures and picking out their perfect first day of school outfit, but it’s important to turn inward and look at how it’s affecting us too. If these emotions aren’t processed, they may linger or even grow stronger over time.
This is a period when parents can reassess their roles and identities — so embrace it as an opportunity to grow personally, professionally and in your relationships with others by:
- Rediscovering personal interests and hobbies.
- Practicing self-care.
- Strengthening spousal relationships.
- Pursuing new professional goals.
Tips for coping with kindergarten empty nest emotions
Sometimes parents are taken aback by how strong their feelings are when their last child goes to kindergarten. If you find yourself crying more often or feeling down or anxious during the first few weeks of the transition, go easy on yourself. These feelings are to be expected, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help, support and ideas for coping. Here are some tips for getting through this transition:
1. Acknowledge the grief, but don’t pathologize it
Experiencing feelings like melancholy and disorientation are natural reactions to life transitions. “Your feelings are real and natural,” says Burakowski, “and you have to allow yourself the time to work through them — time to grieve your old routine so you can create a new one that’s just as productive.”
2. Identify your anxiety and “talk back” to it
It’s common to have irrational and anxiety-filled thoughts. Positive self-talk can be helpful here — and can help prevent you from passing on your fears to your child.
3. Create a sustainable self-care routine
You’ll likely have a bit more free time now that your child is in school, or at least more headspace to put yourself first more often. This is a good time to start going back to health and wellness practices you let slide when your child was younger. These could be things like:
- Exercising.
- Healthy meal preparation.
- Reading.
- Finding new hobbies.
- Pursuing passion projects.
4. Develop new sources of community
We all need connection and belonging, and now is the time to nurture that need. You might take a class, reconnect with friends or volunteer.
5. Seek support
A therapist can help you process your feelings and create personalized strategies to feel better. Keep in mind that if you continue to struggle or are experiencing serious feelings of depression and anxiety, help is out there for you. Please reach out to a mental health professional for support.
Ways to keep a strong bond with your kindergartener
During this transition, some parents fear that their bond with their child will lessen as they become more independent. Thankfully, that doesn’t usually happen. Not only that — there are simple things you can do to keep your bond strong. Here are some useful suggestions:
- Create daily rituals together, such as a special morning routine or bedtime story that serves to reinforce your connection.
- Prioritize quality one-on-one time by engaging in activities your child enjoys.
- Practice actively listening to their daily experiences.
- Show enthusiasm for their school-related activities and achievements.
- Offer a judgment-free zone for them to share new experiences and feelings.
- Attend school events, as your schedule allows, so that you can be a part of their school life.
The bottom line
Probably the most important thing to remember about the transition to kindergarten is that however challenging it may be, the difficult feelings will pass. Both you and your kindergartner will get into a new routine. For many people, this transition will be a tear-filled one, but that is just part of the parenting ride. Be patient with yourself and your child, and you’ll soon begin to feel a sense of excitement — both about their future and about yours.