If you or your loved ones are fortunate enough to be married or in a long-term relationship in older age, the topic of assisted living for couples may come up. Most of us need extra help as we get older, and assisted living can be a great way to receive help with the activities of daily living while also maintaining some privacy and independence.
Moving into assisted living as a couple can be complicated because you are trying to balance the wants and needs of each person in the relationship. “Couples often worry about whether they’ll still have privacy, how their different care needs will be handled or if the move will disrupt their relationship,” says Moti Gamburd, CEO of Raya’s Paradise, a residential senior care community that offers assisted living, memory care, hospice care and respite services.
There are also often concerns about cost, how to pick the best assisted living facility and what will happen if the medical needs of one or both people in the couple change over time. Here, we’ll take a close look at senior living options for couples, along with expert commentary and advice.
Can couples live together in assisted living?
First, you may be wondering, “Is assisted living for couples even a thing?” The answer is a resounding yes. “Couples can absolutely live together in assisted living, and this is becoming more common,” Gamburd says. “Many assisted living communities offer shared accommodations where couples can stay together while receiving care fit to their needs.”
“Assisted living is often a great choice because couples can have individualized service plans, but both are able to receive care from the same group of staff.”
— Natasha Killian, social worker and resident services director, Capitol Lakes Retirement Community
Assisted living is a great option when one or both members in a couple are experiencing a decline or simply need more help with the tasks of daily living, such as cooking, cleaning and personal care. Most assisted living facilities are able to offer different levels of care for each member of the couple.
“Assisted living is often a great choice because couples can have individualized service plans, but both are able to receive care from the same group of staff,” says Natasha Killian, certified social worker and resident services director at Capitol Lakes Retirement Community. “Care needs are often unpredictable, so having that onsite support offers a great layer of security.”
What are senior living options for couples?
Every assisted living facility is different, with varied care offerings for couples. “There is an array of room options that assisted living owners are creating in order to meet the variety of living preferences,” says Killian.
Larger rooms and suites for assisted living
If you are moving into assisted living as a couple, you are likely going to want a little more space than someone moving in on their own. “Larger rooms and suites are becoming higher in demand so couples can share a living space more comfortably,” Killian says. Of course, the size and type of room or suite you have depends on availability and finances.
Continuing Care Retirement Communities
Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRC) are facilities that offer varying levels of care and are able to accommodate changing needs as time goes on. This means that if your care needs become more complex or you need additional services, the facility can accommodate you so that you don’t have to relocate. Killian says that CCRCs are great options for couples.
“Couples often start with making a move to the independent living portion of a CCRC as a stepping stone to living in a more secure environment,” she explains. “Then, each can move through the continuum of care as their needs become greater.”
Separate units in the same assisted living community
While many couples prefer to lodge together, sometimes the medical needs of one person in the couple is much greater than the other, making living together in one unit impossible. Most assisted living facilities can work around this, ensuring that both members of the couple can have contact with each other, while each gets their individual needs met.
“It’s not uncommon for couples to move into the same assisted living facility, but have separate studio-style units,” says Killian. Not only does this ensure the person with greater needs stays safe, but it protects the caregiving spouse from burnout and from sacrificing their own health to care for their loved one.
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How much does assisted living cost for a couple?
The average cost of assisted living for a couple typically ranges between $4,500 and $10,000 a month, according to Gamburd. The national average cost of a solo room at an assisted living facility is estimated to be about $5,500 per month, per the most recent Cost of Care survey by Genworth. For couples rooming together, there would likely be a single monthly room fee, plus an additional charge for the second person.
The cost of assisted living for couples can vary widely, especially from one geographical location to another and depending on care needs. Factors that can impact cost include:
- The size of the unit.
- How many units are needed.
- The level of support needed for each person.
- Amenities included.
- Location.
As Gamburd explains, the cost of shared rooms or apartments usually cost less than separate accommodations. Additionally, if one partner needs specialized care, such as memory support, the cost would increase even more.
“Many communities guide families through the financial aspects and help identify resources like veterans’ benefits or long-term care insurance to make the transition easier,” Gamburd says. Medicare, Medicaid and some insurance policies will help with the cost of assisted living, but there are caveats, depending on which policy you have.
Benefits of assisted living for couples
The benefits of assisted living for couples are numerous, including getting to stay close to your spouse as you age, getting help with the tasks of daily living and not having to maintain your home anymore. Likewise, as medical needs become more intense, assisted living facilities can offer support, and much-needed safety and security.
“Couples get to wake up and go to sleep next to each other, preserving a sense of normalcy even as they transition into a new stage of life.”
— Moti Gamburd, CEO, Raya’s Paradise
Perhaps the most obvious benefit of assisted living for couples is the emotional support each member of the couple feels as they navigate older age. “Couples get to wake up and go to sleep next to each other, preserving a sense of normalcy even as they transition into a new stage of life,” Gamburd describes. “Living together also reduces anxiety, as they don’t have to worry about how the other person is doing when they’re apart.”
What to consider when choosing assisted living for couples
Perhaps the biggest challenge of assisted living for couples is managing their different needs, as well as the fact that people’s needs often change over time. Sometimes these changes can happen gradually, such as in the case of a dementia patient who slowly declines. But sometimes needs change rapidly, such as when someone has a bad fall or a new, serious medical diagnosis.
That’s why it’s important to make sure that whatever facility you and your spouse enter will be able to accommodate these changing needs, and will do so while trying to keep you and your spouse close. “The first thing to think about is how both of your needs can be met, both now and in the future,” says Gamburd.
He suggests asking prospective assisted living facilities questions like:
- What happens if one person’s care needs increase?
- How does the community adapt to one person’s changing needs?
- What living options will be available for each member of the couple?
- What happens if one person needs different accommodations?
- Do you have experience supporting couples?
When choosing an assisted living facility, consider picking one that offers services like memory care and skilled nursing in addition to basic assisted living care, as these are services that typically are required when care needs become more intense, Killan says. CCRCs are another good option when it comes to accommodating changing needs.
Planning in advance increases the likelihood you and your spouse will stay in the same facility. “It’s advantageous for an individual to stay on familiar grounds as their needs increase, even if it means moving to a different floor or building,” Killian says. “It also makes it easier on the spouse for visiting purposes.”
Assisted living for couples with different needs
Although couples with differing needs can usually be accommodated — such as by living separately but in the same facility — sometimes assisted living for a couple just isn’t in the cards. “Health issues, like one partner needing intensive medical care, can make shared living impractical,” says Gamburd. “In other cases, the couple might have different preferences or simply disagree about the move.”
If living together doesn’t look like it will be a reality for you or your loved ones, you might want to consider alternatives, such as one person entering assisted living while the other lives nearby — either alone or with in-home care.
“I’ve seen families get creative, like arranging daily visits or video calls to maintain connection,” Gamburd shares.
The bottom line
When couples age together, the topic of moving to assisted living is bound to come up. Navigating the questions surrounding assisted living for couples can be tricky. Thankfully, most facilities are familiar with these concerns and can help meet the varying needs of the couple.
Still, it’s common to have continued uncertainties about this process and how to manage it. Discussing these issues with your doctor or a professional geriatric care manager can help you understand better what you may need in the years to come, and what the best options are for you and your spouse. “The key is to communicate and prioritize what works best for both partners,” Gamburd concludes.
