Do you have a child who’s an intense perfectionist, a major people pleaser and is prone to dealing with burnout? Maybe you were like this as a child and are trying to figure out how you got this way, or maybe you’re looking for a way to help a child who struggles with the pressure to be perfect every moment of their life. High-achieving kids who are intensely afraid of failure are often described as having golden child syndrome. This can affect how they and their siblings develop and influence their sense of self.
Read on for more information about golden child syndrome, including what it means, golden child psychology and risk factors, the impacts of golden child syndrome and approaches to parenting that help prevent it.
What is golden child syndrome?
A person is considered a golden child if they have grown up in a family where significant expectations were placed upon them in terms of academic success, extra-curricular performance and good behaviour. These children may feel leaned upon to generate a sense of positivity for the family both inwardly and outwardly.
A golden child often feels a ton of responsibility — not just to live up to expectations, but to make their parents proud. Sometimes they may even feel pressure to balance out any flaws the other children in the family are perceived to have. While not a recognised psychological condition, golden child syndrome is often seen in therapeutic and clinical settings.
What causes golden child syndrome?
There are several factors that cause golden child syndrome. Some have to do with a child’s inborn personality traits, but many also have to do with how a child is raised and the role that the child has in their family. Most of the time, parents aren’t consciously trying to turn their kids into golden children.
Some of the contributing factors to golden child syndrome may include:
- Age: The oldest child is more likely to become the golden child.
- Temperament: A child with an obedient temperament is more likely to create an expectation of good behaviour.
- Intelligence or skill level: A naturally gifted child will be expected to continually excel.
When children are viewed as the golden child in their family, it can change how they are treated, which may cause them to lean into this role more and more. Experience of being perceived in a particular way or adopting a particular role within a family dynamic can accumulate over the years and shape a child’s development.
Some of the ways that a golden child is treated differently may include:
- Academic perfectionism and being held to a higher standard in school.
- Experiencing more rigid behavioural expectations than siblings or similarly aged kids.
- Being expected to act like a mini-adult.
- Being expected to be a positive role model for their siblings.
What are the symptoms of golden child syndrome?
High achievers, people pleasers and those who take unnecessary responsibility for others may bear the hallmarks of a golden child’s upbringing. Other symptoms of golden child syndrome include:
- Feeling intense pressureto maintain their status and meet high expectations.
- Developinga strong attitude of perfectionism.
- Serious anxiety about failing or disappointing their parents.
- Identity issues, as self-worth is usually tied to achievements and parental approval.
The siblings of golden children may also experience their own symptoms. Most often, they may feel neglected or resentful, which can lead to overall strained family relationships.
The risks of raising kids using golden child psychology
Raising golden children or being a golden child poses several risks to the family. These include:
- Emotional burden: Golden children typically experience anxiety and burnout from the constant pressure to excel and their own internalised perfectionism.
- Sibling rivalry: Favouritism from parents can create resentment and rivalry among siblings, potentially damaging their relationships.
- Stunted development: Both the golden child and their siblings can suffer from stunted emotional development, with the golden child feeling pressure to be perfect and the siblings feeling neglected and/or inferior.
- Identity crisis: The golden child often struggles to develop their own identity, especially if they fail to meet expectations or when external validation ends.
Preventing golden child syndrome in kids
Golden child syndrome is problematic, but the good news is that it can be prevented and its impact can be reduced. It’s important for parents not to appear to expect too much from their kids and to manage those expectations in a way that does not leave children feeling burdened. Showing your child you love them no matter what and validating their attempts to try new things, no matter how well they do, can help them understand that they don’t have to be brilliant to feel beloved. Developing emotional coping strategies, giving tips for dealing with burnout or its warning signs, and modeling how to overcome failure without being crushed by it: these are all ways to help children flourish as their true selves, too.
Here are a few ways to prevent and manage golden child syndrome within the family unit:
- Ensure that each of your kids receives equal attention and opportunities.
- Offer praise based on each child’s unique strengths and needs.
- Allow for open communication in your family so everyone feels comfortable discussing feelings and perceptions of favouritism.
- Be aware of your own biases as a parent and do your best to treat your children equally.
The bottom line
While golden child syndrome is something parents should strive to avoid and prevent, sometimes it’s a pattern that emerges without us realizing what is happening. At times, it can be hard to reverse the impacts of golden child syndrome on our own, and this is where support from a therapist or other professional can be helpful.
Most importantly, it’s key to remember that being a golden child is not an irrevocable state of being. Encouraging balance and support within the family unit creates a solid foundation for children to embrace who they are and feel connected to those around them.
