Even if you’re over-the-moon excited to be pregnant, the idea of telling your employer can be daunting — no matter in which industry you work. And when you’re a nanny or babysitter working as a caretaker for other people’s children, there can be even more pressure since your maternity leave will affect the personal lives of your clients. When’s the right time to bring it up? And how do you navigate the discussion around payment, coverage, and your return to work? It sounds like a lot, but there’s no reason to be scared.
“While some employers may need to work through concerns about temporary coverage, remember that most will view your pregnancy as a joyful life event to celebrate,” says Daniel Wolken, a talent acquisition specialist at DailyRemote and human resources expert who’s worked extensively with child care providers, families and staffing agencies.
When you share your pregnancy with your employer, you’ll want to advocate for yourself while remaining professional and keeping their needs in mind, too. It’s a delicate balance, true, but we have plenty of expert advice to help you through every step. Here’s everything you should know about telling your employer you’re pregnant as a nanny or sitter.
When to tell your boss that you’re pregnant as a nanny or sitter
Though it’s tempting to put off sharing your pregnancy as long as possible, experts agree that sooner is better, within reason.
The decision around timing is very personal and the circumstances can vary; however, within the first trimester is ideal, says Rebecca Sylvain, chief executive officer of Nannies and Kids United, a babysitting agency in Atlanta. There’s leeway up until the middle or end of the second trimester, she says, but “beyond that, it might be a tad too late to discuss planning the coverage for the maternity leave period.”
Wolken also suggests sharing the news around 12-14 weeks, once health risks have diminished, but early enough that your employer has time to plan backup care.
Telling your employer early not only guarantees you have time to sort out coverage for when you’re gone, but it can also help you feel more supported during your pregnancy. “Working as a nanny and a sitter is a physically demanding profession,” Sylvain says. “And when you become pregnant, you have to think about how your pregnancy might impact your health and work responsibilities.”
“Working as a nanny and a sitter is a physically demanding profession. And when you become pregnant, you have to think about how your pregnancy might impact your health and work responsibilities.”
—Rebecca Sylvain, chief executive officer of Nannies and Kids United, a babysitting agency in Atlanta
Depending on your symptoms, you may need to pause certain duties or take some sick days. You’ll also want to feel free to visit your doctor for check-ups or if any complications arise. If your employer knows about your pregnancy, they can be more adept at finding coverage if and when needed, and may be more understanding about any absences. “I always advise my sitters and nannies to have a brief and direct conversation with our management to share the news so we can accommodate their condition, and support them in their plans,” Sylvain says.
Mary Curry, a longtime provider and advocate and executive director of Yes for Early Success, a coop supporting child care providers in Washington State, also recommends telling your clients as early as possible — perhaps even exploring the topic during your initial interview or before you even start trying to conceive. “You could say, ‘What would it look like if I was going to have a baby?” Curry says. By posing “what if”s at the offset, you’re approaching the subject proactively.
Not only will this help calm your fears as a caregiver and employee, but it’ll also prepare your employer for the possibility that you might need to take parental leave in the future.
How to prepare to tell your boss you’re pregnant
Before telling your client that you’re expecting, you’ll want to do a little prep work so you can go into the conversation feeling confident and at ease. “When it comes to informing your employer about a pregnancy, I believe it’s important for nannies and domestic workers to educate themselves thoroughly on relevant laws and approach the conversation positively and collaboratively,” Wolken says. Taking these steps to prep can ensure you go into the conversation feeling good and with all the info you need.
Review your contract, if you have one
Ideally, you’ve already signed a nanny contract with your agency or family that outlines the terms of a potential parental leave — it’s something all the experts we spoke to recommend having in place.
“Every nanny/hiring family relationship is unique, as are the details of each employment contract,” says Danielle Sadler, marketing director for Adventure Nannies. A contract ensures that everyone is aligned on all the job expectations, from the weekly schedule and day-to-day work responsibilities or inclement weather clauses to how you’ll navigate paid and unpaid time off.
“Starting off the job knowing that you have a clear understanding of your employment rights, what is expected by the hiring parents, and what you will receive as a total compensation package — including paid and unpaid time off, parental leave and beyond — allows you to walk confidently through any life circumstance that arises throughout the duration of the job,” Sadler says.
If you have a contract in place, review the terms of your contract to see what it says about parental leave. If you don’t yet have one, it can be helpful to put the terms of your parental leave into a written agreement (once all parties have agreed upon them) so there’s no doubt about how things will work and which protections you’re guaranteed.
If you’re looking for a jumping off point, Hand In Hand, a national network of employers of domestic workers, has a library of agreement templates for nannies and other child care providers that can help make this easier.
Have key details ready
Going into the conversation, get clear on a few key details and an estimated timeline that you can share with your employer, Wolken says. It should be helpful to have the following ready to share with them:
- Your due date
- When you’d like to start your leave (if you’re not planning to work until your due date)
- How much time you’d ideally like to take off once your baby arrives
- If you plan to return to work
- Dates and times of any upcoming doctor’s appointments you have scheduled
If you’re unsure how much leave you want to (or are able to) take, and it’s not specified in your contract, the next few steps will help.
Research your local laws
It can be tedious, but it’s important to understand the laws in your state around family leave so you know what you’re entitled to. Laws and protections can vary greatly depending on where you live, Wolken says. “Some states and localities have enacted statutes mandating reasonable accommodations and leave for expecting mothers, even extending these rights to domestic employees like nannies and sitters,” he notes. “However, in other areas, those protections may be lacking or more ambiguous when it comes to household staff roles.”
Take some time to research the laws that may impact your situation. If part of your wages goes to household employment taxes (aka nanny taxes), you may be eligible for a tax-funded paid family leave, depending on your state.
According to the Bipartisan Policy Center, 13 states and the District of Columbia currently have mandatory paid family leave systems, and an additional eight states have voluntary systems that provide paid leave through private insurance. For example, in New York State, Paid Family Leave benefits coverage is required if you work 20 or more hours per week for the same employer, and for 30 or more days in a calendar year.
“Make sure you comply with any notification rules and eligibility criteria,” Wolken says. And if you need help understanding how the laws apply to you, he suggests checking out the National Domestic Workers Alliance (NDWA) or speaking with a local employment attorney.
Understand industry standards for family leave
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) covers 12 weeks of work leave in a 12-month period; this act doesn’t cover all workers in the United States, but it reflects the general standard for parental leave in the US. That said, the outlook of your parental leave will depend on whether you’re employed by individual families or an agency.
“Usually, for freelance job sites, there is no option for a maternity leave with benefits,” Sylvain says. This is one of the benefits of working through an agency. “While our nannies and sitters are independent contractors, we allow up to 12 weeks of maternity leave. This duration is justified as we think this can ensure the well-being of the nanny postpartum and the caretaking needs of the families needing their care.”
In the case of Sylvain’s agency, the leave is partially paid and varies based on tenure and performance. “We also notice that our contract nannies have good working relationships with the families they work with to the point that the families themselves sponsor the paid leave,” she adds.
If you work directly with a family, you likely have more flexibility, as you can negotiate directly with them, Sylvain says. And in some cases, that closer relationship can mean they’re more willing to accommodate your needs and support you financially while you’re gone.
Explore coverage options
“Prior to diving into a conversation about any type of planned leave, employees should be prepared to offer some suggestions in terms of how to alleviate the impact of the time away for their employers,” Sadler says.
You can think of this as a potential opportunity to highlight your resourcefulness and organizational prowess. “Come to the conversation prepared to share a plan for your parental leave in terms of the approximate dates, how you could support the family in finding a temporary replacement during your leave and how to support the little ones throughout,” they say.
You could also come ready to share contact info for a few trusted colleagues who may be able to cover your time away or even create a thorough written guide for your temporary replacement.
Come with questions
Ahead of the conversation, you’ll want to brainstorm any questions you’ll need to ask your employer, as well as reflect on what you’d like the answers to be.
“Envision the transition and play it out in your head so that you will be able to articulate your needs as well as understand theirs,” Curry says. You might consider asking questions like:
- Will my parental leave be paid or unpaid?
- How much time is available to me for this parental leave?
- What can I do to help prepare your family for the possibility of early delivery?
- How can I help with finding my temporary replacement? Can I share referrals?
- Are there any specific ways you would like me to communicate with your children about my changing physical appearance and my leave?
- Is there flexibility if I need more time off or to stop working earlier?
- Can you guarantee that my job will be waiting for me when I’m ready to return?
- Are there any opportunities to earn extra income before I give birth?
- Would you like me to stay in touch during my leave?
- Can I bring my child with me after I return to work?
- What happens if I decide I don’t want to return to work?
Tips for navigating the conversation
Chat with HR first
If you work for an agency, Curry recommends approaching your HR team first, before going directly to your boss or client. They can help you work through any insecurities, share details on the company’s policies, and also help you make sure you’re using the right language. If you work directly with a family, Curry recommends approaching the person in the family that you’re closest to.
Lead with positivity
It’s easy to feel bogged down with laws, policies and “what ifs” of talking to your employer about your pregnancy as a nanny or sitter. Going into the conversation, remember that your employer is probably excited for you to be expecting.
“Setting an uplifting, enthusiastic tone is vital when first sharing the news,” Wolken recommends. Positivity is contagious. “Convey your excitement about this new chapter for you and your family, and express confidence that you’ll collaborate to ensure consistency for the children under your care.” This will help everyone keep the moment in perspective; you’re bringing new life into this world, and that’s a beautiful thing.
“Bosses often feel special and honored when employees include them in major personal milestones like pregnancies or engagements,” Wolken adds. “Lead with the positives while also signaling your commitment to an orderly transition. With openness, empathy, and planning, the conversation can be rewarding for everyone involved.”
“Setting an uplifting, enthusiastic tone is vital when first sharing the news. Convey your excitement about this new chapter for you and your family, and express confidence that you’ll collaborate to ensure consistency for the children under your care.”
—Daniel Wolken, a talent acquisition specialist at DailyRemote and human resources expert
Frame it as an opportunity to work together
“Be as open and honest as early as possible,” Curry says. That way, it puts you in a place of partnering with the family to navigate this change, versus creating a you vs. them dynamic. It also helps to make it clear from the start that you’re keeping their needs in mind, too.
To get the convo started, you can try approaching the topic like so, Sadler says: “Thank you for the opportunity to work with your family. I do want to share some personal news with you today. I’m pregnant, and my expected delivery date will be in [insert month]. What can I do to navigate this transition in a way that supports you and your family?”
Be proactive
If you’re not yet pregnant but thinking about it or actively trying to conceive, Curry suggests you might explore the conversation by saying: “Because I’ve been working so closely with your family, I now know I want to have a family of my own. What could that look like while I’m employed by you?”
Pause, if needed
If the conversation starts to take a turn or your employer is getting visibly stressed, use it as a cue to pause so they can collect their thoughts. Acknowledge that it’s big news, and propose reconvening later when you’ve both had time to think it over and are prepared with all the info you need. (Remember, you had the opportunity to prep, but your employer didn’t!)
The bottom line
It may take some time to sort out the details of parental leave if you work as a nanny or child care provider, but chances are, your employer will be excited for you and this next chapter of your life.
“Parental leave is a joyous time for expectant parents, and as with any planned time away from work, requires excellent communication between employees and employers,” Sadler says.
Having a written contract is key, whether you’ve had it since the beginning of your employment or you develop one now that outlines the terms of your leave. Now is also the time to lean on the professional relationship you’ve built with your family or employer, and tap into the healthy, professional communication patterns you’ve forged along the way. Go in with positive energy and expectations, and with your legal protections and personal needs in mind, and as you welcome your child into the world, everyone will be set up for success.
