When Bert Fulks’ youngest son turned 13, Fulks told him that if he ever found himself in a situation that made him uncomfortable and he couldn’t find a way out on his own, all he needed to do was send a text message with the letter “x” in it to his parents or one of his older siblings and they would bail him out.
As a part of the rules that went along with this plan, Fulks’ son didn’t have to provide details about what was going on if he didn’t want to share. After the text, according to a blog post Fulks wrote on the subject, his son would then get a phone call that would go something like this:
“Hello?”
“Danny, something’s come up and I have to come get you right now.”
“What happened?”
“I’ll tell you when I get there. Be ready to leave in five minutes. I’m on my way.”
But there was no real emergency. This was just enough of an excuse for him to leave immediately without a reason.
“At the end of the day, we want to teach our kids to be able to stand up for themselves and for others,” Fulks told Care.com. “That’s something we want to teach them, certainly. But they’re not born with that ability.
“The number one thing as a parent is that I want to make sure my kid knows that if he’s in an uncomfortable situation, he can get out. His safety is number one to me.”
Although a part of the rule is that their children are not required to share what made them uncomfortable enough to want to leave, Fulks said he keeps an open dialogue with his children so they feel comfortable talking about anything. The rule was added simply to remove the possibility of his children being too afraid of getting into trouble to call for help when they need it.
“A kid that is fearing judgement and punishment is a lot less likely to reach out,” Fulks added. “When I first talked (to my youngest son) about this, a look of relief came over his face.”
Since writing the post, Fulks has gotten dozens of emails from parents thanking him for the idea and their plans to implement the idea in their own families.
As for parents who aren’t sure if the “x-plan” is for them, Fulks says that’s OK, just find the plan that works for your family and implement it sooner rather than later.
“Every parent is different. Every kid is different. Every family is different,” Fulks said. “You just have to find something that works for your family unit… My advice is just talk to your kids.
“You don’t wait until the ship’s on fire to find out where the life boats are. We have to be one step ahead and constantly evaluate what’s out there.”