Not everyone is a fan of gender reveals, but the steps one dad took to avoid having one for his second child has sparked some intense debate online. The dad was so adamant about avoiding the expensive and time-consuming reveal his pregnant wife had planned, he went ahead and shared the baby’s gender with friends and family on social media without even consulting her.
The dad writes on Reddit that he and his wife are expecting their second child, and his wife wants to go big with the baby’s gender reveal. When she was pregnant with their first child, she made an entire 10-minute movie to announce it was a girl.
“My wife is really into films, Oscar-type films, and she is like an analyzer when watching them, so she wanted to make a gender reveal short film,” he writes. “Ten minutes long to say we’re having a girl. Kind of weird, but I went along with it. We posted it, and she was super happy with it, but it cost so much. She hired expensive cameras, we drove out to scenic areas for the right shot, I’m working full time during this process, exhausting.”
The couple recently found out baby number two is a boy, and his wife started working on a script for another video. This time, the dad isn’t willing to be a part of the surprise. “I thought there’s no f***ing way I’m doing that again,” he writes, “so I posted on Facebook, ‘We’re having a boy.’ She’s pissed at me [and] telling me to delete it, but the damage is done. I don’t feel bad. I saved us at least £4K [which comes out to over $5K].”
The dad’s Facebook announcement undoubtedly hurt his wife’s feelings, but many people are applauding him for not going along with having an over-the-top gender reveal.
“Maybe not a popular opinion, but £4K is ridiculous, and so are gender reveals in general,” one user writes. “The money could’ve been put towards something important like a college fund or something else for the child’s future instead of a video they’ll likely be really embarrassed about when they grow up.”
“I actually think what you did is kind of funny. Good for you,” another person adds. “I had two babies and made phone calls when I learned their genders. Imagine that? Calling the people who need to know & not making it a red carpet event. What a concept!”
Redditors on the dad’s side are pointing out how silly and wasteful gender reveal parties can be, but others argue that he had no right to spoil his wife’s plans without even communicating with her first.
“Why does [he] get a pass for taking it upon himself to announce this on Facebook without even talking to his wife first?” one person asks. “The adult thing to do would have been to, you know, talk to her and explain that he didn’t think it was worth such a huge monetary investment, maybe even brainstorm some cheaper cute ways to announce it. I would be furious if my husband just slapped something like this up on Facebook knowing that it was important to me.”
Another Redditor adds, “I agree with you on gender reveals being ridiculous and that being way too much money to waste on one, but you don’t just kneecap something your partner is this excited about without talking to them first.”
Gender reveal parties are still a massive trend, but enthusiasm for the tradition seems to be waning. That’s mostly because they’ve proven to be a sometimes destructive ritual that pushes gender stereotypes. Two different gender reveal parties have sparked wildfires that burned thousands of acres across California and Arizona, and in 2019, a 66-year-old grandmother died from injuries caused by a homemade gender reveal explosive device. The creator of gender reveal parties has even called for an end to the trend.
Still, this Reddit dad didn’t necessarily have the right to spoil his pregnant wife’s plans. He failed to communicate with his partner, and he ruined something that seems really important to her. Flashy gender reveals may go out of style, but communication, trust and respect are always important.
