We’ve decided to start a new series on Kinsights where we interview innovators and bloggers who are really making an impact in the parenting and children’s health space. Today, we’re excited to publish the first in that series with Nikki Stevens of Rushed Mommy.
Nikki is a mom, teacher, and blogger living with her family in San Diego who shares her experiences of raising twins as a working mom on her blog Rushed Mommy. She was kind and took some time out of her busy schedule to tell us all about life and raising twins and we’re so excited to share her thoughts with you.
“Having twins is an amazing experience. It is pretty tough in the beginning, but it seems like things get easier every day. Once you are the parent of twins, you get a lot of attention from the general public. People love to talk to you about your twins and tell you how cute they are. You share an unspoken bond with other parents of twins. It’s like being in a secret club.”
What made you decide to start blogging about your twins?
“When I first had my twins, I had a lot of questions. Caring for newborn twins is completely different than caring for a singleton. I was frequently searching discussion boards and scanning the internet for advice. I started my blog as a way to reach out to parents and expectant parents of twins. I hope that, through my blog, they can find some answers.“
Do you think they’ll want to read it someday?
“I’m hoping they will! Children love to see pictures of themselves as a baby and hear stories about themselves. My 11-year-old has an old photo album of his baby pictures that he just loves to look through. Whether it’s through a blog or a family scrapbook, children like to be made the center of attention.”
Is it really possible to breastfeed twins?
“Definitely you can breastfeed twins. I did it for 5 months, although I wished I could have gone longer. My work situation was not really flexible for a nursing mom, and since I was in a brand-new job I didn’t want to compromise my employment. My advice is:
1) Learn to tandem nurse. It will make your life so much easier!
2) Get a good nursing pillow. I tried several different methods and ended up having the most success using the Brest Friend Twins Nursing Pillow.
3) Get a hospital-grade double electric pump. In the beginning, you will probably have to pump in between feedings to build up your milk supply. Be warned that this means being up in the middle of the night to nurse, and then to pump afterward.”
What are your thoughts on twins wearing matching outfits?
“I think it is so cute when twins dress the same! I wrestled with the concern that wearing matching clothes would prevent them from developing their own identity. But I don’t think there is a lot of truth in that. I’ve had identical and fraternal twins as students in my class and, regardless of their clothes, they were each unique in their own way. If my girls ever object to wearing the same thing I’ll respect their right to choose their clothing. We usually dress one twin in pink and the other in purple, or both in the same outfit but different colors. But when it comes to shopping and setting out clothes for the day, it is just plain easier to grab two of the same shirt.“
How did you decide on how your twins were going to sleep (separate cribs, co-sleeping, same crib)?
“My husband and I decided on putting them in the same crib from the very beginning for a couple of reasons. We live in a small town home, so we couldn’t really fit two cribs in our bedroom and we wanted them to be close by us at night. We wanted to encourage a bond between them as siblings, and we felt that being close to their twin would give them comfort as they slept. They stayed in the same crib until they were 1 year old, and then we moved them to their own room and their own crib. I’ve heard from parents who decided to use separate cribs at first, then wanted their twins to sleep in the same crib. In those cases the twins didn’t like the intrusion on their sleeping space and didn’t sleep well. So whatever choice parents make, they had better be ready to stick to it! Infants don’t like you messing with their routine.“
What are your favorite reading materials when it comes to twins?
” I like reading The Notebook, a quarterly magazine published by the Multiples of America which you receive along with your membership to any local Mothers of Multiples club. A good book is What to do When You’re having Two: The Twins Survival Guide from Pregnancy Through the First Year .”
https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Youre-Having-Two/dp/1583335153
As a mother how to do you cope with sleepless nights and fatigue?
”
The truth is that I didn’t cope all that well for the first two months. My husband was working 6 days a week, and had to leave at 4:30 in the morning. We didn’t have family or friends in the area who could help, so it was up to me to get my older son ready for school each day, take him to and from football practice, and take care of meals. I went back to work when the girls were 8 weeks old. We tried “sleep training” but it didn’t work out for our busy family. Nothing seemed to help them to sleep during those first few months. Since my husband and I had to go to work, tired or not, we just muddled through on our own. I was nursing, too, so I couldn’t have a lot of caffeine. We’d go to bed at night as early as possible. We gave the girls a bottle of formula right before bed, in hopes that it would hold them off a bit longer before the next feeding. Other times my husband would take one night feeding so I could sleep, giving them pumped milk or formula. We let a lot of things go undone. Cleaning the house and family outings took a backseat to the need for conserving energy and maintaining sanity. I did my best to take care of my health by going for walks with the babies, drinking lots of water and maintaining a healthy diet. After a few months, the girls dropped a night feeding. Then by 5 or 6 months they were sleeping pretty much all night and I stated to feel like a normal human being again.“
What’s your advice for making twins feel unique?
“As a parent of twins, you begin to notice early on the subtle ways that each child is unlike the other. Encourage them to be themselves. Spend one-on-one time developing the interests of each child.
Treat your twins as two different siblings, because of course they
are
very different.“
What is the biggest piece of advice you have for people expecting twins?
”
Get someone to help you. Even if Daddy can stay home to help, the first month is pretty challenging. Take every opportunity to enlist a family member or friend to come over for a few hours and hold a baby or help with housekeeping. We didn’t have anyone to help us, and we managed alright. But if there is one thing that you
really
need when you have newborn twins, it’s someone to help.“
We recently had a parent concerned about their twins always fighting, what do you suggest to help ease this tension?
“Siblings are bound to argue. Don’t overly indulge one child’s fits over the other. One twin may whine about everything under the sun, and you have to just let him fuss sometimes when he’s making a big deal out of nothing. Stay calm and be patient with both children. Sometimes children will yell out in hopes of getting a reaction from their parent, and you have to try not to react in those situations. And always listen to your children. If one is having a fit, give him some time to cool down and then let him talk to you about why he was upset. Children need to know that you value their feelings, but they also need to learn appropriate ways of expressing their frustration.“
What is the silliest question that you’ve been asked about your twins?
“One time I was with the girls at the grocery store and one of them threw a tantrum. Someone approached me and and asked, ‘So is she the evil twin?’ Parents of twins get a lot of questions, and so do the twins as they get older. Most of the questions are ones that you’ve answered a thousand times before. But I always respond kindly because that person doesn’t know I just answered the same question a few hours ago.“
How do you take care of two babies at once, and what are your tips for managing so many little hands and feet?
“Before they can walk and crawl, you have to have someplace to put one baby while you are caring for a need for the other one. When I was alone with the girls, one was usually in a bouncer, swing, or on a blanket on the floor. Also, what you do for one, you do for the other. When you feed one, feed the other. If you’re changing one, you might as well change the other. When one goes down for a nap, the other one does too. It makes your life a lot easier if you do everything at the same time. I also taught them to help when they were just over a year old. Teaching them “clean up” (their toys) and “trash” (helping to throw things away) gave them the chance to be little helpers and it also made my job that much easier.“
Rushed Mommy
We’re so thankful that Nikki, aka Rushed Mommy, took the time to answer our thoughtful questions. We have to admit that we LOL’d when she said that someone asked “Is she the evil twin?” Nikki’s advice is incredibly thoughtful and she really knows what she’s doing.
You can find Nikki on:
Rushed Mommy
,
,
and
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