On March 11, 2020, when the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic, nobody ever thought we would be celebrating (commiserating over?) two full years of life with this virus. For ‘pandemic parents’ — those of us who had babies in 2020 and beyond — we certainly didn’t consider that we would still be dealing with trying to figure out how to keep our little ones safe, especially as the COVID vaccine is still not available for kids under 5 years old.
In the first year of the pandemic, we struggled with the good and the bad of having a baby during this unprecedented time. However, in the past year, the struggles have been unrelenting for parents — and especially moms — who are fed up with not having child care or forced to quit their jobs, so stressed out they’re organizing scream events and feel completely and totally burned out. As someone who became a mom at the end of March 2020, I have wrestled with all of these issues and had an especially difficult time as my mental health began to crumble toward the end of 2021.
Now, as the first pandemic parents approach our kids’ 2nd birthdays during COVID, I talked to 21 moms across the U.S. (and one in Canada) about how we’re all faring these days. Read on for what we missed out on, what we actually loved about lockdown and the truth about the unique experience of having a new baby during the pandemic.
What’s one thing pre-pandemic parents had as first-time parents that you wish you had as a first-time parent?
Pandemic parents longed for community support
“Community support. It was very lonely to come home with a baby and go into lockdown so people couldn’t visit.”
— Ellie, mom of 2-year old, Mountain View, California
“People making food or visitors dropping off food.”
— Elise Shuman, mom of 15-month-old, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
“The whole community who could be there for us.”
— Haena Kim, mom of 13-month-old, Seattle
Pandemic parents couldn’t access parenting or support groups
“Breastfeeding support groups.”
— Savannah, mom of 2-year-old, Alabama
“Birth and breastfeeding classes, in-person postpartum support groups.”
— Kelly Fitzgerald Junco, mom of 13-month-old, Cape Coral, Florida
“Mom groups or any social group meeting in person.”
— Sonja Bradfield, mom of 19-month-old, South Orange, New Jersey
“More socialization opportunities with a young baby.”
— Sarah Rivera, mom of 2- year- old, Houston
Pandemic parents struggled without family help
“Family visits. Our kid didn’t meet his grandparents until he was a year old and still hasn’t met some long-distance friends!”
— Ashley Chaifetz, mom of 23-month-old, Atlanta
“Family and friends who could be there for us. The small babies being able to socialize and, for me, to also meet other baby relatives.”
— Haena Kim, mom of 13-month-old, Seattle
“Ability to have visitors at the hospital.”
— Nancy Sanchez, mom of 2-year-old, Stoneham, Massachusetts
Pandemic parents craved “normal” new mom experiences
“‘Only’ worrying about all the things that come with first-time parenthood without entering into a global pandemic where literally no one knew what to expect. Plus, a chance for babies to travel or have experiences at an early age.”
— Sarah Rivera, mom of 2-year-old, Houston
“Partner being able to come to scans. Having a baby shower. People [being] able to meet baby and give more support during the first months. Not having to manage family expectations of time with baby while also dealing with the fears and public health recommendations.”
— Meg Julian, mom of 14-month-old, Ontario, Canada
What’s one thing you had as a first-time pandemic parent that you wouldn’t trade for pre-pandemic ways?
Pandemic moms loved having their partners at home
“The closeness. My husband and I were both home with the baby for far longer than we would have been pre-pandemic. It gave us so much time to bond and become a family unit.”
— Danielle Scott, mom of 22-month-old, Brooklyn, New York
“My husband really had to step up and be a co-parent with me. He couldn’t rely on anyone except for me, so he learned and enjoyed every minute of being a stay-at-home dad while taking paternity leave.”
— Haena Kim, mom of 13-month-old, Seattle
“The first month of my baby’s life we were completely cocooned and that isolation, while deeply lonely, also gave us the chance to bond as a new family of three without outside distractions or intervention and nudged us to grow and learn to be a family all on our own. It was really special!”
— Natalie Calida, mom of 23-month-old, Long Beach, California
“Being alone in the delivery room with my husband. I’m thankful for how private it was.”
— Brenda Marquez, mom of 18-month-old, Los Angeles
“I had a lot more time with my husband — working from home let us both be present in a way that wouldn’t otherwise happen, and I cherish it!”
— Hannah Howard, mom of 22-month-old and 3-month-old, Frenchtown, New Jersey
“Being able to work from home while pregnant. My spouse working from home during most of maternity leave. Gratitude for the support that you do have and not taking that for granted..”
— Meg Julian, mom of 14-month-old, Ontario, Canada
Pandemic parents enjoyed having more, low-pressure time at home
“Lots of time at home during pregnancy, postpartum, and in general.”
— Sonja Bradfield, mom of 19-month-old, South Orange, New Jersey
“Time alone — very select visitors and no pressure to do things. And not needing to feel ‘with it’ so fast. I am still wearing sweats every day, and my baby is 14 months.”
— Lauren, mom of 14-month-old, Atlanta
“I had SO much time home with my little one. We were able to work from home and take care of him for 18 months.”
— Jackie, mom of 19-month-old, California
“I got more sleep and rest, as we didn’t have any visitors in the hospital and very few visitors at home”
— Jenna, mom of 21-month-old and due March 2022, Grand Rapids, Michigan
What’s one thing you wish everyone understood about your experience?
Pandemic parents struggled with stress, isolation and mental health
“How extremely isolating and scary it was.”
— Rachel Wells, mom of 22-month-old, Nashville, Tennessee
“There was a lot of loneliness because we couldn’t see people pre-vaccine and fear of the unknown, such as seeing pregnant mothers infected and not making it.”
— Jackie, mom of 15-month-old, Los Angeles
“Literally the amount of stress that goes into every decision we make about doing things in public”
— Nicole, mom of 22-month-old, New Jersey
“Our babies are still not vaccinated, and the mental health toll is very significant.”
— Emily, mom of 18-month-old, Washington, D.C.
“I felt robbed of a lot of experiences that didn’t happen because we just stayed at home for so long.”
— Sarah Rivera, mom of 2- year- old, Houston
“How lonely I was in my house and how much help I needed. I also wish they understood how hard it was to stay locked up everyday with a newborn.”
— Brenda Marquez, mom of 18-month-old, Los Angeles
“That I was truly afraid of loss, death and disease. I wasn’t pushing people away. I needed them but couldn’t take the risks.”
— Nancy Sanchez, mom of 2-year-old, Stoneham, Massachusetts
Pandemic parents aren’t able to build friendships
“It’s not as easy to find a tribe of mom and parent friends during a pandemic, and that part was really hard.”
— Danielle Scott, mom of 22-month-old, Brooklyn, New York
“There was no one to turn to for advice because no one had ever experienced what we were experiencing.”
— Sarah Rivera, mom of 2-year-old, Houston
Pandemic parents are worried about the world reopening
“My kid is still getting used to being in public, and I’ll be changing my mind about how appropriate that is for a long time.”
— Savannah, mom of 2-year-old, Alabama
“How difficult it is to make decisions for you and your baby and how we are trying our best and making the best decisions we can, given the information we have at the time.”
— Jenna, mom of 21-month-old and due with #2 in March 2022, Grand Rapids, Michigan
“I’m not used to taking baby places.”
— Elise Shuman, mom of 15-month-old, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
“It’s terrifying to bring a child into the world and learn to be a parent and have to adapt to a life-changing scenario in a life-altering, unprecedented, anxiety-inducing pandemic. We’re all experiencing the change of the pandemic, but two enormous changes occurring simultaneously is surreal and can really throw off your equilibrium. We’re trying and making decisions with the best information we have at hand, and if that means setting boundaries that are unreasonable to them, that’s OK.”
— Natalie Calida, mom of 23-month-old, Long Beach, California
“That masks are totally necessary around newborns.”
— Lauren, mom of 14-month-old, Atlanta
“That this is not over for many of us who are waiting for a vaccine for kids under 5.”
— Ellie, mom of 2-year-old, Mountain View, California