Starting a caregiving job for new parents can be exciting because you have a sweet bundle of joy to cuddle and care for. But as a caregiver, you shouldn’t forget that this transition can be emotional, especially for moms who are going back to work after having a baby.
As a nanny, I saw firsthand how upset, stressed or guilty moms felt when they first went back to work. With one family, I vividly recall watching the mom sit in her car and cry before pulling out of the driveway to go to work. That broke my heart for her, and I did everything I could to try to make the transition easier. This involved finding ways to make her feel included in the baby’s day and providing additional support wherever possible.
Indeed, new science is showing that pregnancy and its effects don’t stop at 40 weeks. Instead, there are new theories that the “fourth and fifth trimesters” are just as important for mom and baby as the first three.
“In the fourth trimester, the 12 weeks following delivery, women are recovering from childbirth mentally and physically,” says Dr. Lauren Macaluso, FAAP, FABM, IBCLC, from New Hyde Park, New York. “In the fifth trimester, they are returning to work and navigating child care options and work-home balance.”
While these periods are just as important for the baby, in terms of development and growth, they are especially difficult to navigate for new moms.
As caregivers, our job is to provide the best care for our charges, especially in this fragile newborn phase. But, as Macaluso explains, we have another very important role: supporting moms through this transition. Here are some suggestions to help you do just that!
1. Keep daily logs
Keeping track of everything a baby does in a day is part of the job, so why not document it for mom and dad? Not only does keeping daily logs about the baby’s activities help you notice trends or events through your week, it can also give parents a way to feel attuned to their baby’s life (even when they’re not there). Also, according to Macaluso, it can help a breastfeeding mom determine feeding frequency and amounts so everyone can avoid overfeeding the baby.
With my charges, I started using a simple copied paper that had information about:
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Feeding times (including ounces, perceived hunger, etc.)
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Any reflux or spit-up
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Nap times
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Diapers (soiled or wet)
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Funny moments
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Developmental milestones
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Anything I noticed throughout the day (rashes, fussiness, etc.)
At the end of the day, parents can review the log and feel like they know what is going on with their baby.
2. Provide frequent updates
Pictures and text or video updates are one of the best ways to make a mom’s (or dad’s) day. Not only does it give mom something to feel connected to the baby, but it can give her a much-needed boost during a long day away from home. Some families can even video chat now, thanks to smartphones. This can give new moms and dads a fun way to check in and feel secure knowing their baby is in good hands. Of course, always ask if this is something the family wants, as it can be distracting (or not an option) for some.
3. Create extra time for mom and baby
During this transition from home to work, a caregiver can support moms by finding ways to give parents more time with baby. Maybe you can prep meals for dinner so mom and dad can come home and just enjoy time with their baby, or maybe you can take “field trips” to the parents’ office so they can show off the baby to their coworkers.
“Caregivers can encourage a mother’s choice to breastfeed, express breastmilk and spend break time with her baby on-site at work or if she comes home for her break,” Macaluso says.
Time to breastfeed is a special bonding experience for mom and baby, so try to provide as much time for that as possible.
4. Make time to get (and give) the rundown
Daily communication is key in a positive nanny-family relationship, especially when new parents are involved. As a nanny, I always built 15 minutes into my schedule before and after my “shift.” During these rundowns, I got the details of the child’s evening and early morning by asking questions like:
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How did he/she sleep?
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When did he/she eat last?
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Is there anything I need to know for today?
When the parents got home at the end of the day, I would give the rundown to them, as well, letting them know:
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What the child and I did that day
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When he/she napped and ate last
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Anything unusual or necessary to know (the baby was fussy, someone delivered a package, diapers were running low, etc.)
Building in this time is not only professional, it also helps parents (new or not) feel like they have a bit more control over their day. As Julie Macon, mom of two from Golden, Colorado, explains, the rundown was one thing that set her day off on the right foot.
“When the nanny came a few minutes early, I felt a lot more confident and comfortable,” Macon says. “She knew what was going on with the baby, and I felt like I had set everyone up for success.”
5. Be supportive and communicative
Being communicative and open with parents is another way caregivers can provide support. While it can be awkward in the early days of a new family/caregiver relationship, let parents know you’re here to answer their questions, take their calls or just listen to their concerns. Simply asking questions like, “Can I do anything for you today?” or “How was work?” can also help a mother feel more engaged and connected to you. The more you connect with her, the more she’ll see you as a trusted member of the household.
Providing positive feedback and small compliments also go a long way.
“Parenting is so difficult and can bring out our greatest insecurities and doubts,” says Ginean Crawford, a licensed professional counselor from Woodbury, New Jersey. “Sometimes simply saying, ‘You are doing a great job,’ can silence those fears, even for a moment.”
6. Love and care for baby
As you gain more experience as a caregiver, you’ll realize that each mom will have her own unique experiences and prefer different types of support. But, as Crawford says, “There is not much that is more heartwarming to a mom than hearing how much someone else loves her baby.”
Let your excitement for your new family show, and tell your mom boss how much you enjoy working with the child and her family often. Highlight positive or meaningful moments you had with baby. These actions will let her know, without a doubt, that her precious baby is being well cared for and that she has one less thing to worry about. Of course, gushing over how cute, smart and funny the baby is can’t hurt, either.
At the end of the day, the best way to help moms during their transition from new mom to working mom is to do what we do best: love and care for our charges.
Read next: How breastfeeding moms & caregivers can work together
