Think about how many decisions you’ve made today. When your alarm went off, you may have decided to sleep in for a few minutes rather than get out of bed. You likely decided what to wear, how to style your hair, what to make for breakfast and what time to leave for work.
These choices are likely part of your routine — all of which your brain is used to navigating. “Everything we do is a decision made by our brains first, but since there is certainty and familiarity, our brains enter an auto-pilot mode during decision-making,” explains Sam Nabil, a licensed professional counselor and CEO at Naya Clinics.
However, say the daily decisions you’re required to make suddenly come with more pressure — such as when caring for an older loved one.
As Nabil divulges, having this added responsibility can trigger decision fatigue — causing us to question every choice we make. “The responsibility and pressure of taking care and looking after another being, especially when the duty was suddenly imposed, causes them to lose what’s familiar and opens countless uncertainties,” he says. “It forces their brains to spend more mental energy in deciding on even the most basic and mundane actions, thereby causing burnout and mental fatigue.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Here’s what you need to know about navigating decision fatigue as a caregiver.
What is decision fatigue?
“Decision fatigue is a state of overwhelm and fogginess that comes from unyielding management of critical thinking areas of the brain,” says Celeste Labadie, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Colorado. The brain has limits on how much it can do daily. Factor in having to make daily decisions regarding the care of a loved one on top of life’s other stressors, and it’s easy to hit that limit.
“The fatigue comes because the [caregiver’s] decisions may feel extremely important,” Labadie continues. While most decisions we make throughout the day are inconsequential, deciding on behalf of someone else regarding their health and well-being is more high stakes. This can lead to feelings of doubt about each decision and the onset of guilt if the decision is not the right one.
What are the risk factors for decision fatigue?
According to Barbara Rubel, a board-certified expert in traumatic stress, risk factors for decision fatigue can include:
- An overload of the number of decisions that must be made.
- A decision causing grief due to the potential outcome of that choice.
- Feeling burdened by being the only one capable of making that decision for another person.
- Making a decision that goes against one’s values and moral beliefs but having no choice in the matter.
All of these risk factors are prevalent for caregivers. For Jacquelyn Kennedy, a former caregiver and founder and CEO of PetDT, the realization of having decision fatigue came after years of caring for her elderly mother. “I was the main responsible person for these decisions and the outcomes of said decisions, the amount of work that caring for my mother required and the impact it had on my own life and family,” she says.
“Decision fatigue impacts caregivers by causing anxiety, fear or stress which can impact wellness. They are compassionate, so they want to help, and they are empathetic in that they can feel what the person is going through.”
— BARBARA RUBEL, A BOARD-CERTIFIED EXPERT IN TRAUMATIC STRESS
How decision fatigue impacts caregivers
“Decision fatigue impacts caregivers by causing anxiety, fear or stress which can impact wellness,” Rubel explains. “They are compassionate, so they want to help, and they are empathetic in that they can feel what the person is going through.”
This leads to empathic distress, making decision-making even more difficult. “Caregivers will often go back over decisions they have already made and wonder if it was good enough,” Labadie adds. “Or discover later on that it wasn’t the right decision and then feel bad about themselves. This causes them to seize up more when more decisions have to be made.”
Tips for overcoming decision fatigue
If you’re contending with decision fatigue, consider these expert-backed tips.
1. Practice self-care.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others. This doesn’t mean taking a long bubble bath or signing up for an hour-long yoga class. Rather, make it a priority to commit to healthy habits that help keep you refueled, recharged and sharp for the decisions you need to make. “Basic self-care can be used as a protective factor, eating well, getting sleep, exercising and [engaging in] healthy social interactions,” says Jay Serle, a doctor of psychology and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Hawaii.
Serle acknowledges that many caregivers may feel like they don’t have the time to care for themselves while caring for their loved ones, which is valid. In order to keep self-care from falling at the bottom of the priority list, Serle encourages caregivers to seek help from others that can give them some time back in their week.
“It’s really important for caregivers to take advantage of any support that they might have available,” says Serle. If friends or family members are unable to give you the break you need to provide a much-needed break, Serle suggests trying local churches, community organizations and online support groups. “Many of these offer respite care or they can provide caregivers with information on how to access these resources,” he says.
2. Reduce the number of small choices you have to make in a day.
“Planning ahead regarding choices like what you’re going to eat, wear or do for daily self-care will help you feel less overwhelmed because routine provides a structure that helps us feel in control,” explains Emily Simonian, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Virginia.
Set sleep timers and alarms ahead of time, meal prep for the week and select your outfits for the week ahead of time to minimize the number of choices you make each day.
Deciding to eat the same thing for breakfast each day, having a go-to outfit, taking the same route to work every day or listening to the same meditation each morning are ways to streamline these decisions. “This helps because routine provides a structure that helps us feel in control, in addition to eliminating in-the-moment decisions,” says Simonian.
3. Complete small tasks first.
When prioritizing the decisions you’ll make each day, start with the easier ones like correlating meal times with medications, or whether to bathe your loved one in the morning or before bed, since they consume less mental energy.
“Doing so will allow you to tick off plenty of your responsibilities, helping alleviate any feelings of overwhelm,” Nabil says. “Once the lighter and less critical challenges are resolved, you can move on to heavier objectives. By then, you’ve already found your groove in weighing the right choices, reducing the risk of you hitting a decision-making plateau.”
4. Pause before reacting.
When making a decision regarding the care of a loved one, take time to pause before making a choice. “This helps to keep you grounded rather than panicking and making rushed decisions,” Simonian explains. “This could look like ‘sleeping on it,’ researching big decisions and even reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can at any given moment.”
“Basic self-care can be used as a protective factor, eating well, getting sleep, exercising and [engaging in] healthy social interactions.”
— JAY SERLE, A LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST IN HAWAII
5. Ask for help.
This can be the hardest step of them all — but admitting when you need help and asking for it as a caregiver can be one of the best decisions for everyone involved. Even if your loved one is aging in place or living with you, hiring additional help can be beneficial.
“It took me a couple of years to realize I had decision fatigue, but once I did, I took steps to seek help,” says Kennedy. “I placed my mother in a care home, where professionals could take far better care of her, and I also reached out to my cousins, aunt and uncle, who now share the responsibility of decision-making with me.”
When searching for the right home, proximity, quality of care and the services offered were top considerations for Kennedy, along with the price and size of the home. Kennedy also made sure her other family members were involved in the selection process and provided input as well to help inform her decision.
The bottom line: Experiencing decision fatigue as a caregiver can be an alarming, exhausting experience. But know that there are ways to alleviate the pressure of decision-making to feel more clear, calm and in control.
