Parenting comes with a hefty mental load at the best of times, but the start of a new school year is an especially stressful time. As a parent or guardian, you’re the one responsible for keeping up with every homework assignment, team practice, doctor appointment and school holiday — tasks that eat up more than 30 hours a week for the average parent, according to a 2024 report by Skylight and The Harris Poll.
“Going back to school is a big deal for everyone, whether you’re a parent who’s sad summer is over or one who’s eager for the new school year to start,” says Jenn Wert, a parenting coach, elementary education expert and mom. “It is a big energetic shift to move from summer rhythms back into a more predictable school schedule.”
A new school brings a whirlwind of brand new stressors and responsibilities for many parents and families — and that labor has real value. Here, we break down why the back-to-school season causes so much stress, how much parents’ mental labor is worth in real dollars and cents and expert tips to manage the mental load so your family’s transition into a new school year goes as smoothly as possible.
How does heading back to school cause stress?
There are a number of ways the school year is stressful for parents. This year, Skylight, the makers of a popular digital calendar and other family tools, surveyed more than 2,000 parents about the invisible labor of caregiving and the factors that cause them stress. Here are some of the biggest back-to-school stressors parents name in the report:
Overscheduling
Doctor appointments, sports practices, after-school clubs and other extracurricular obligations leave parents scrambling to keep up. Children participate in an average of 11.5 activities per week (or 598 per year!).
Constant communication
It’s not just your imagination: The school and activity apps, texts and emails really are that overwhelming. Parents receive an average of 17.5 communications about their kids’ activities per week — about two per day and 912 per year.
Lack of child care during breaks and holidays
Teacher work days, fall and spring breaks and summer vacation are all panic times for working parents. In fact, parents say planning for holidays and breaks takes up 100.2 hours a year, or the equivalent to 2.5 weeks of work. And that doesn’t even include the extra time and money many families spend securing quality after-school care.
Calculating the mental load of the back-to-school season
Given the amount of time and labor parenting requires, Skylight also used their data to calculate what kind of salary a parent might make if they were actually paid for all of the work that goes into carrying the mental load. The grand total? $60,000!
To reach this number, analysts calculated the total time occupied by parental mental load tasks, then multiplied it by a median hourly household income of $35.86 per hour. The final result was “validating, but also overwhelming to see on paper,” says Maddy Hague, a parent and the director of performance creative at Skylight.
Hague says the mental load calculator is available online so parents can fill in their own data and see the value of their own hard work. Of course, the strain of the mental load peaks around back-to-school time, she acknowledges. “My best advice is to involve your kids however you can,” she adds. Here are expert tips to manage the mental load of parenting during the start of a new school year and beyond.
“I find it helpful to get the academic calendar and make sure all the important dates have a spot on my work calendar. Our whole family will sit down together in the week before school starts to make sure everyone knows the expectations and who needs to be where, when.”
— Bonnie Scott, a therapist and the owner of Mindful Kindness Counseling
How to manage the mental load of the back-to-school season
1. Map out your schedule ahead of time
Plan for important events, meetings, school holidays and breaks ahead of time, our experts suggest. “I find it helpful to get the academic calendar and make sure all the important dates have a spot on my work calendar,” says Bonnie Scott, a therapist and the owner of Mindful Kindness Counseling. “Our whole family will sit down together in the week before school starts to make sure everyone knows the expectations and who needs to be where, when.”
In addition to planning your paper schedule, begin shifting kids’ sleep and wake times to a school-ready schedule as well. “Start moving the wind-down process and bedtime earlier to prepare kiddos for the upcoming rhythm change,” Wert advises. You’ll be grateful for the decreased crankiness during the first few weeks of class.
2. Create and streamline new routines
Before school starts (or as you’re getting into a groove during the first few weeks) talk with kids about what their after-school routine should look like, what the plan is for snacks and lunches and how to organize school gear, the experts suggest. “Do this prep as a team,” Wert says. “Listen to their responses and input… so you work in their ideas and help in a positive way.”
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Having clear plans in place for dealing with homework, gear and meal prep will help eliminate mess, chaos and confusion during the busy weeks ahead, Scott adds. “Make things as automated as possible,” she says. “For example, there’s a defined spot for a backpack [in my house] so it can get cleaned out and go there every evening. I can’t deal with a messy backpack getting dropped in the entryway; it has a spot!”
3. Delegate tasks when possible — and let the kids help
There’s no reason why kids can’t take on age-appropriate back-to-school tasks and help share the load. “I delegate the majority of school supply shopping to my kids and have them support me with planning their own school lunches,” Hague offers as an example of how it might look to get kids involved.
In addition to letting kids help with their own school planning, Scott says to consider other areas where you can ask for support, offload tasks and simplify your schedule. “Ask for help if it’s available,” she says. “If there’s another parent who can make sure your kid gets to dance class this week, let them do that for you. You can repay the favor when you’ve got the mental and emotional energy to do that.”
4. Schedule rest and down time
Remember that your well-being is just as important as your kid’s soccer game or parent-teacher conferences, and you need to create space to take care of yourself. “Get your doctor appointments, hair appointments, etc. on the calendar while you’re setting it up for everyone else,” Scott advises. “Plan for time to rest and play. Spend time with people who care about you, eat good food, move/stretch your body and stay hydrated.”
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5. Leave room for a little “chaos”
“I think some level of chaos is inevitable, so it’s OK if you take a couple of weeks to slide into the rhythm of the new year,” Scott says. It’s also fine to go back to the drawing board if your grand plans, schedules or routines end up being more exasperating than helpful.
“If something you’ve implemented doesn’t seem to work, it’s OK to ditch it and sub in some other method of managing the schedule transition,” Scott adds. “What works for me this year might not have worked last year. Feel free to assess your current needs and make a plan to meet them, even if it’s not what you expected it would be.”
“If something you’ve implemented doesn’t seem to work, it’s OK to ditch it and sub in some other method of managing the schedule transition. What works for me this year might not have worked last year. Feel free to assess your current needs and make a plan to meet them, even if it’s not what you expected it would be.”
— Bonnie Scott
How to spot signs of back-to-school burnout
Being overworked and overscheduled can easily lead to burnout, so it’s important to keep an eye out for clues that you’re becoming mentally and emotionally exhausted and need support. Burnout can look different for each person, Scott says, but some of the most common signs include:
- Feeling irritable.
- Being uncharacteristically snippy or impatient.
- Feeling intense or constant fatigue.
- Lacking motivation or follow-through.
“I compare it to the feeling you’d have if you were on a treadmill that was going just a few steps faster than you can keep up with,” Scott explains. “You can do it for a while, but eventually that will catch up with you.”
If you notice that you’re feeling like you can’t keep up with your schedule, workload or responsibilities, it’s a good sign to slow down, she adds. A check-in with your doctor or a therapist can also help you spot potential signs of burnout and figure out how to address it.
The bottom line on the mental load of heading back to school
You’ve probably heard the cliche saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Well, it’s a cliche for a reason, Wert says: because it’s true. “We truly cannot be compassionate with or connected to others — including our kiddos — until we’re compassionate with and connected to ourselves,” she explains.
Luckily, there are many ways to ease the burden of the back-to-school mental load. As a bonus, learning how to cope with stress and find new ways to seek support doesn’t just help diminish the pressure, but also sets a positive example for kids in how to manage their own back-to-school stress.
“Over time, as your kids watch you model checking in with yourself, calmly sharing what is going on and asking for what you need, they will begin to emulate how you do this, which is exactly what we want,” Wert concludes. “Taking care of ourselves is key.”
