Dear 29-year-old me,
You just had a baby. Congratulations! You’ve got quite an exciting time ahead of you. Over the next many years, you will experience immense joy and fulfillment — and you will feel a love you never knew possible.
You will also make countless mistakes, battle deep insecurities and ask many questions. To prepare you for the bumpy ride ahead, I’m here to share some valuable motherly wisdom with you, the younger, greener me.
Don’t Let Anybody Make You Feel Guilty for the Choices You Make
Breastfeed or don’t breastfeed.
Work full-time or stay home.
Have one kid or have five.
Others will judge you regardless of how you choose to raise your family. Who cares? Do what’s best for you and your family and ignore everybody else.
Be OK With “Imperfect” Kids
Though you may have a set idea of what type of kids you will raise — polite, strong, smart, popular, successful, etc. — no human is perfect, not even your own precious sweetie pies.
They won’t always make the right choices. They won’t always behave the way you’d like them to. And sometimes, they will disappoint you. Accept it and be thankful for it. This imperfection adds a beautiful dimension to their lives — and to yours. It also creates teachable moments as you guide your children through life.
Be OK With Being an “Imperfect” Mom
Yes, you’re a mom now. That doesn’t mean that you need to set the bar so high for yourself. Understand that you won’t t always make the right choices either.
Sometimes, you’ll yell at them louder than you’d like, let them eat too much junk food or even hamper-dive for a pair of shorts with no visible stains. At times, you’ll find yourself giving them the wrong advice, or handling certain situations in a less-than-awesome way.
I have news for you: That’s called parenthood. Your kids aren’t flawless, and neither are you. You know that has-it-all-together mom you see at the schoolyard every day? Guess what: She’s imperfect, too.
Make Time for You
The second you became a mom, you stopped putting yourself first. Over the course of your parenting career, you’ll continue to make countless sacrifices for your children, oftentimes at the expense of your own comfort or happiness. It’s only natural to do this because your children are everything.
But be careful not to let this selflessness take over your life. Instead, leave the kids with dad or a babysitter and head out for some alone time. Go out with girlfriends. Get a pedicure. Go to the gym. Go to Target. Go for a walk. Do whatever strikes your fancy.
More importantly: DON’T feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Remember, you’re more than just a mom. Your children will not only survive without you from time to time, but they’ll also thrive from having a happy, whole (not to mention sane) mom.
Make Time for Your Partner
With kids in the picture, it becomes all too easy to completely neglect your marriage or relationship as you strive to achieve Wonder Mom-status. The best thing you can do for your family is to make sure the parental units are connected and content.
So, set aside time with your partner to focus on each other as adults. It could be as lavish as a trip to the Caribbean, or as simple as a walk around the block. It doesn’t matter. Just be sure it’s quality time that you’re spending together. Sure, most days the kids come first. But once in awhile, move the ‘ship up to that No. 1 spot.
Your House Will Be a Mess. Roll With It
Go ahead and try to keep that house clean. I dare you! You’ll quickly learn the futile nature of this aggravating undertaking.
Little ones, by design, are messy creatures. That’s what makes them kids. Don’t fight it. Embrace it. Spend less time making sure your house is immaculate and more time letting your kids be kids. From time to time, be sure to get down and dirty with them. It’s times like those that create memories. (And don’t forget that you can always hire a housekeeper to help you out when things get REALLY dire.)
Be a Role Model
Kids are little sponges. They pick up on way more than you might imagine. When you think they’re not watching, they are. When you think they’re not listening, they are. And they’re soaking it all in — on both conscious and subconscious levels.
So, whatever behavior you’d like to see in them, make sure you model it in your own actions. And don’t be afraid to let them see your mistakes. Showing them that you’re a flawed human just like them is important for their morale.
Be Their Parent First, and Their Friend Second
Sure, you’ll want your kids to always think you’re awesome. But for a parent, that just can’t happen — not all the time, anyway. Kids need firm guidance. They need someone who will keep them in line and show them tough love when necessary.
I get it: It’s way easier and much more fun to play the easygoing role of friend rather than the hard, sometimes-disliked role of mom. But children need authority. They may not like it, but they do respect it. And in you, they need a leader, not a peer.
Have fun with your kids, be their playmate and even go ahead and be their friend on occasion. Just keep in mind that one of you is the parent and one of you is the child.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Being a mom is difficult, and sometimes you’ll need a little help. There will be times when you just can’t be in two places at once. You’ll attempt it, but you will soon discover that splitting yourself in two isn’t actually possible.
Don’t be shy. Ask for a favor. Ask that fellow parent if he or she can drive your child to practice one day. Ask grandma or grandpa to drive one kid to school while you’re taking the other one to the doctor. Ask the neighborhood teenager to hang out with your kids for an hour while you do the food shopping in peace.
It’s OK, really.
As a new mom who’s ready to take on the world, you may discount much of what I’ve preached above.
You might even think you already know it all — but you don’t.
What you can take comfort in, though, is that with each passing day, you’ll learn a little more about yourself, about your children and about the wonderful journey that is parenthood.
