Imagine a world in which you could feel totally confident about and comfortable with your body. It’s a world many parents and caregivers want for their kids, but it’s not always clear how to get there. Social media, TV shows and advertisements are constantly sending negative messages to kids and adults alike about how we should look and feel about our bodies.
Despite the noise, Niya Esperanza, a popular TikTok personality, says her mom managed to crack the code: Esperanza was raised in a body-positive household and has “never been insecure” about how she looks. Now, she’s sharing the three steps her mom took to help her grow up feeling good about her body.
3 keys to helping kids build body confidence
In a viral TikTok video that’s been watched more than 241,000 times, Esperanza says she attributes her unshakable body confidence “entirely to the way my mother raised me.”
She acknowledges that while she does fit into conventional beauty standards, body image issues are universal, and anyone can feel insecure about how they look. The real game-changer, she says, is the example set by adults when kids are growing up.
Esperanza goes on to explain three things her mom did while raising her that made a huge impact on her body confidence:
1. No weigh-ins
First, Esperanza says her mom never kept a scale in the house or kept track of how much she weighed.
“When I was growing up, maybe even before I was born, she picked a weight that she said she would be for the rest of her life, and anytime someone asks her weight, that is what she says,” Esperanza explains. “When she goes to the doctor, she doesn’t want to know [her weight]. Growing up, we didn’t have a scale so I couldn’t even weigh myself if I wanted to.”
2. No dieting
In addition to ditching the scale, Esperanza says she never witnessed her mom dieting or restricting food, and she was never encouraged to use food as a tool for changing her body. Instead, they talked about food and fitness in neutral terms.
“We talked about food and exercise as fuel, ways to make us feel stronger and ways to make our bodies feel happy, but not as a way to change how we look,” she explains.
3. No negative body talk
Lastly, Esperanza says body talk wasn’t common in her house. Not only did her mom avoid talking negatively about herself, but she was also careful to never comment on her daughter’s body or looks.
“She may talk about the way clothes fit, but she’s never looking in the mirror being like, ‘I’m ugly. I wish that my body was smaller,'” Esperanza says. “I never had those sentences put into my brain by my mother. On top of that, I don’t know that my mother has ever made a comment about my body to me in my entire life. It’s just not a thing that we focus on.”
Parents are doing the hard work to raise confident kids
The video struck a chord with those trying to raise body positive kids and many people who wish their own parents had been more intentional about promoting body confidence.
“Listening to this healed part of me,” one person writes. “My mom did the opposite of this, but I’m raising two girls this way. I could cry happy tears seeing the result.”
“This makes me feel so relieved,” another mom adds. “I had a 30-year eating disorder, but I’m doing what your mom does now with my daughter, so this is great! I’m doing this parent thing OK!”
Other people shared fond memories of the ways their own parents and caregivers helped instill body confidence in them.
“My mom was like this too,” one person shares. “When I was little, she would say, ‘Sizes are the company’s name for the clothes. We pick the one that feels the best!'”
Why body positive parenting matters
Esperanza’s tips align with what many experts recommend to help kids develop healthy relationships with their bodies. In 2016, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released an updated policy statement on obesity and eating disorder prevention. In it, they instruct parents and caregivers to:
- Avoid discussing weight.
- Discourage dieting.
- Encourage family meal times.
- Promote body positivity.
Esperanza says her mom was only able to set such a positive example of self-love “because she went to therapy, she dealt with her stuff and she was able to be aware” of her own body image struggles. But not every parent or caregiver has had the opportunity to do that work, and she acknowledges that. Esperanza says that it’s OK to start from wherever you are and to not get it right all the time. The important thing is just to do your best to set a more positive example.
“If you are someone who is raising humans or you interact with young humans, just know that the way you feel about yourself can impact how they think about themselves,” she says. “If you’re insecure, give yourself grace. Maybe it’s not all you. Maybe it has to do with the stuff that you were raised around. And, if you don’t want to become confident for yourself, think about the people who are impacted by the way that you see yourself. Become confident for them.”
