When Mel Watts’s 8-year-old daughter, Ivie, had her feelings hurt by a school friend who told her she is fat, the little girl’s teacher had a creative solution. She asked Ivie and her friend to each write a letter expressing everything they’d like to say to each other. When Ivie’s note came home from school, Watts was stunned to see that her daughter wrote a powerful and emotional letter about loving herself exactly as she is. The Australian mom and blogger shared the letter on Instagram, where it’s inspiring hundreds of people with its vulnerability and body positivity.
“This is my body, and I love who I am,” Ivie writes in her note. “I will never change it. And I don’t care what other people or you think of myself, but I know that my mommy, daddy and family love me. I don’t like constantly weighing myself, but I feel like I have to … I am beautiful, and I don’t care how heavy I am, so please just stop. I don’t like it.”
Watts says the conflict likely started with an innocent conversation between Ivie and her friend, but one word stuck out to her daughter: fat. “It made her feel uncomfortable, stand on scales at home and question her body shape,” Watts explains.
The mom always encourages her children to love themselves as they are and to treat others with kindness. But, like most parents, she sometimes wonders if the values she tries to instill at home are actually getting through to her kids. “We are always speaking in our house about what others are allowed to make you feel and what you don’t have to accept,” she tells Care.com. “Ivie is aware that her worth is more than what she looks like. We tell her daily how strong she is, how smart she is, how brave she is and how caring she is.”
For Watts, Ivie’s powerful declaration of self-love is a clear sign that her daughter is getting the message. “I’m so proud of Ivie for standing up for her body and her feelings,” she says.
Watts posted the note on Instagram, where it’s been liked over 4,000 times and received dozens of supportive comments. “At 8, she has grasped a concept most women decades beyond her age can’t even remotely comprehend, let alone put in writing to say out loud and proud,” one person writes. “‘I love who I am.’ That’s a proud mum moment for sure.”
Some expressed outrage that body size is even on young kids’ radars. “They are so young,” one person adds. “Why are girls subjected to this at that age? They are still innocent little girls. It’s heartbreaking. A reminder we need to start the groundwork so early.”
Unfortunately, body consciousness is all too common for children in this age range. A 2015 study by Common Sense Media found that more than half of girls and one-third of boys ages 6-8 felt their body should be thinner. Diet programs like Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig also target kids. Jenny Craig makes its weight loss program available to kids as young as 13. Weight Watchers’ Kurbo app is billed as a tool for helping kids and teens “reach their health and weight goals.” It’s available to kids as young as 8.
Watts says she doesn’t believe her daughter’s friend was trying to be malicious. She may have learned to talk about weight in a derogatory way from YouTube, TV shows or in conversations she’s overheard. Kids get messages from so many different places. Ivie and her classmate are still friends after talking about their feelings, and Watts stresses that they both learned from this experience.
“No one is mad or upset at the other little child,” she says. “It’s a lesson learned that they shouldn’t call someone a name that may hurt their feelings.”
The proud mom says her daughter learned a few valuable lessons, too. “She learned that she is capable of explaining her feelings, and sometimes our friends say something we don’t like, but it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person,” observes Watts. And last, but certainly not least: Ivie also came to realize, according to her mom, that “loving herself is more powerful than words.”
