A new dad is in hot water for complaining about the way his wife dresses since she gave birth to their baby just seven months ago. In a post on Reddit, the anonymous father says he is tired of his wife dressing “frumpy and like a mom” all the time. He’s asking his fellow Redditors if it’s out of line for him to request that his wife step up her fashion game and start dressing sexy again, and they’re wasting no time calling him out.
The dad’s thoughts on his wife’s post-baby wardrobe
The dad says his wife has been dressing differently ever since she gave birth in February. Like many people who’ve just carried and birthed another human being, she’s opted for looser and more comfortable clothing. ”Think lots of sweatshirts, sweatpants, and tent dresses,” the dad writes in his post.
The Redditor shares that he initially thought the new wardrobe would only stick around while his wife recovered post-birth, but now that seven months have gone by, he’s worried the change is permanent. “I still think she is sexy,” he writes. “She just doesn’t dress sexy anymore. Most of her outfits … cover a lot more, whereas in the past she loved to tease me to get a reaction. The same is true for her underwear. Bras and panties that aren’t that nice compared to what she previously wore.”
The new father then tries to clarify, “I don’t think my wife has to always dress sexy for me. That would be unreasonable. However, it would be nice at least a few times a week if she tried to dress up more like she did before we had our daughter.”
He adds that he brought the issue up to his wife. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t respond well to his unsolicited opinions on her clothing, bras and underwear. “She took it as me saying I am not attracted to her anymore,” the dad writes. “She also said that how she dresses is none of my business, and if I can’t be supportive not to say anything at all. I think this type of communication is important just like I think it’s important for us to both try and dress attractively for each other. If we don’t provide feedback to each other, how will either of us know if what we are doing bothers the other?”
How commenters responded
People on Reddit have been quick to point out to this dad that his wife is caring for an infant during a global pandemic and his expectations are unreasonable.
“That woman just pushed out a whole baby and is exhausted 24/7,” one Reddit user writes. “She’s dressing for comfort because her entire body has changed forever and so has her sense of self. It has only been seven months since she brought a whole person into the world, and she spends her entire day caring for it. She doesn’t need to be worrying about dressing up for you right now.”
Another commenter adds, “A huge percentage of the world is dressing comfortably right now due to various lockdown shenanigans. I don’t think I’ve worn anything without an elastic waist since March, and I certainly didn’t squeeze a human being out of my vagina in the last year. Plus, she has a tiny child. She’s probably sleep-deprived and barely finding the time to shower, never mind about trying to dress sexy for you.”
Others are explaining how impractical it can be to wear nice clothes when you’re breastfeeding, changing diapers and running around after a baby all day.
“I used to dress sexy,” one person writes. “I wore four-inch heels, short skirts, low cut tops … then I had kids, and it’s not practical to wear that crap unless it’s a date night. It’s not practical to wear a low-cut shirt around a baby who will literally just pull your boob out anytime, any place. It doesn’t make sense to wear skin tight jeans when I’m constantly sitting on the floor changing diapers and playing with my kids. Every single time I wear a dress my toddlers stick their heads up it constantly. I’m not dressing cute around my kids because by the end of the day I’m covered in peanut butter, jelly and God knows what else.”
Most people who responded took the dad to task for making unreasonable demands, but a handful of people agreed with his stance. “You should be more understanding and let her experience the comfort some more, but she is wrong in saying it’s none of your business,” one person writes. “We have an obligation to our significant others to be mindful of what they like and dislike. We should always consider how they feel when we make a visual change.”
The bottom line on the debate
Having a new baby can be physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. New moms are dealing with birth recovery and changes to their bodies that might make them feel awkward and uncomfortable. They’re also coping with a lack of sleep, new routines around breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, and they have almost zero “me” time.
There are a million reasons why this mom might be dressing differently, and the change may be temporary, but it also might just be how she chooses to dress from now on. She has the right to decide how she looks and what she wears. And with a new baby in the house and a pandemic raging outside, a new mom needs support — not judgment about her nursing bras and yoga pants.
