Everyone deserves a little downtime on their birthday, but one dad may be taking things too far. A mom recently shared on Reddit that her husband presented her with a list of “birthday month expectations” that includes things like not being asked to do chores, playing video games nonstop and not taking care of their son.
“My husband is turning 30 next month,” the mom writes in her post. “It’s a big deal for him, and he wanted to rightfully be ‘pampered’ and feel special on this occasion. But the thing is that he came up with a list and called it ‘birthday month expectations.’ I didn’t know what that meant until he started reading the list out loud.”
So, what made the list? For the entire month of his birthday, this person’s husband has requested that he:
- Doesn’t have to do chores, clean or cook.
- Doesn’t have to drive their son to school.
- Doesn’t have to pay his share of the rent.
- Can play his Xbox “for hours on end” without interruptions.
- Can skip work any day and sleep in “without being bothered.”
- Can go out with his friends anytime.
“In other words,” the mom writes, “he wants a month-long vacation and time off from his responsibilities as a partner and as a father.” She continues, “We both work, but I do the majority of household chores and the majority of our son’s care, as well as [pay] the majority of rent, bills and internet payments. I cannot afford to do what he’s expecting me to do because we’re struggling already, and I need his help.”
The mom told her husband she thinks his expectations are “ridiculous and out of line.” In return, he called her “selfish” and said she should be “happy” to fulfill his requests. The mom asked other Reddit users to tell her if she’s wrong to turn down her husband’s requests. In response, they went off on her “entitled” husband, and some even said his only birthday present should be divorce papers.
“So, for his birthday he wants a divorce with lots of alimony,” one person writes.
Another person adds “He already doesn’t contribute equally, and now he wants to reduce that to zero? For an entire month?”
“As an adult you don’t get a ‘birthday month’ or get to ignore your responsibilities for a month,” one person writes. “His request is so unrealistic and out of touch with reality.”
For a lot of people, the most disturbing part of the dad’s request was the fact that he’d allow his wife and son to struggle financially just so he could take a break.
“The part about paying his part of the rent was it for me,” one person writes. “Doing the chores? OK. Letting him play XBox? Well, fine? But not paying your share while you’re an adult who knows you’re struggling financially? That’s ridiculous. He sounds super entitled and spoiled.”
“Expecting to be able to do whatever he wants is disgustingly entitled, but he’s willing to put your and your children’s home at risk to spoil himself,” another person writes. “That’s disturbing and self centered on an entirely different level. That is what makes me agree with the divorce papers comment. At least then he’d probably legally owe you child support.”
Not everyone was opposed to the idea of wanting a break for your birthday. Some commenters suggested giving the dad a special day, or even a few days, during which he didn’t have to take on his usual responsibilities. But the overwhelming majority couldn’t believe a grown man was asking to pile all of his responsibilities onto his wife for an entire month.
It’s likely there are many parents who’d love to take a month off to sleep in, play video games and avoid all of their grown-up responsibilities. U.S. parents are among the most burned out in the entire world, and there’s little doubt that they could all use more self-care and time to themselves. Unfortunately, even celebrating your birthday doesn’t mean you get to just stop being an adult for 30 days. If your partner really thinks a full month off from parenting and being a partner is an appropriate birthday wish, perhaps the gift they really need is a reality check.
