The 12 best parenting tweets of the week

Pre-kid me: Little to no screen time is best.

4 years later: Netflix is our babysitter.

— From The 🌊To The Sea, B!tch🍉 (@MacgyveringM22) July 6, 2019

Me: Buddy, we don’t eat while we’re on the toilet.

Toddler: *shoves last mini muffin into mouth while laughing maniacally”

KIDS ARE FUN!

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 6, 2019

There’s no rest for the wicked.

Or for mothers who maybe used to be wicked but are way too tired nowadays anyway.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) July 9, 2019

*successfully puts kids to bed while the sun is still up*

BEHOLD MY INFINITE POWER!!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 8, 2019

https://twitter.com/SeauxCocoa/status/1146090017099358209

I don't judge a mom by her kid's behavior so much as her demeanor. If she's using a calm voice and patiently redirecting, I assume she's got her life together. If she's ripping her hair out and visibly fuming, I assume she's exactly like me.

— FeralTherapist (she/her) 🏳️‍🌈♣️🍍🐎🍄 (@IMomalogues) July 8, 2019

You know what, parenting is pretty easy

– me, at work

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 9, 2019

Me: Today was so rough with the toddler. Then, there was lots of crying and tantruming because we didn’t have the right flavor of ice cream.

Husband: What kind of ice cream did she want?

Me:

Husband: It was you crying wasn’t it?

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) July 9, 2019

If every day you want someone–who hasn't tried what you cooked–to tell you that you've made the worst dinner IN THE WORLD, then parenting is for you.

— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) July 8, 2019

My toddler just farted in the bathtub turned back to look and excited exclaimed, “I make bubbles!” #boymom

— mom-sanity (@lostmymommymind) July 11, 2019

It's not that I don't want my kids to have a social life.

It's that I don't want to have a social life and none of them is old enough to socialize without my involvement.

So… pic.twitter.com/va7OIQd7uf

— hahahaheater ❄️🌨️☃️ (@dishs_up) July 11, 2019

Husband: what time did he get up this morning?

Me: 530am. Make more coffee

H: but you already drank a pot and-

Me *eyes going black*:

M̴͎̤̄̿́ă̷͎̻̳͚͒́k̷͔̩͎͊́e̵̗̓̎͘ ̴̡̢̊̏m̸̨̼̼̣͍̌͋̓͝ö̴̘̯́͋̐̄r̵̘̫̣̂̓̾͝e̵̼̳̲̦̖̒͑̿͠ ̵̡̘͚̩̜͂͗̈́c̷̝̻͓̟̼͗͛͆͐͝ō̴̢̙͕̲̳͊͛f̴̙̫̠̍̑̕f̷̧̠̆̎̓̿ͅe̸̱͛̀̚e̶̻͎̬͎̎

— Grant Needs A Nap (@solarpowerpunk) July 11, 2019