We’re with you, first-time parents: If the prospect of your child’s arrival prompts as much anxiety as excitement, you are not alone. After all, no degree of practice or preparation can simulate the experience of bringing home your bundle of joy. Sure, there’s no shortage of advice. From the multibillion-dollar industry of parenting bloggers to the ever-expanding baby advice book genre, there’s plenty of expertise available. Plus, family and friends are often all too willing to impart their tips and tricks. There’s only one problem: Everyone’s got a different opinion. Seek advice from enough sources, and you’ll end up more uncertain than ever.
Deep breaths, moms- and dads-to-be. In this project, we surveyed over 1,000 current and expecting parents about their anxieties before childbirth and where they’ve turned for trusted advice. Our findings present the most common sources of guidance for expectant couples – and how some parents wish they’d trusted other experts instead. Moreover, our data illuminate differences in parenting preparation by gender and generation. Whether you’re currently expecting or merely interested in how most first-time parents prepare, you won’t want to miss what we uncovered.
Pregnancy anxieties
Every pregnancy entails some degree of uncertainty, so it’s reasonable for first-time parents to fear difficult outcomes. Indeed, 66 percent of men and 64 percent of women were worried their child would be born with a challenging health condition. Another common anxiety concerns painful labor experiences (women were understandably more likely to worry about these outcomes than men). Unfortunately, their fears seem justified by the recollections of current moms. Roughly 42 percent of women experiencing labor reported feeling extreme pain during the process.
Additionally, more than 4 in 10 men and women said they worried about their children being born prematurely. While infants born prematurely often require extensive care, doctors assure parents there’s much cause for hope. Relative to decades past, babies born before they reach full term are more likely to survive and less likely to develop severe disabilities.
Where they turn for tips
For men and women alike, the most common providers of parenting advice were medical professionals – and with good reason. From breastfeeding to typical pooping schedules, many physiological subjects are best discussed with a doctor or other trained health care provider. Interestingly, men were significantly more likely than women to seek parenting advice from a range of people in their lives, including their friends and family members. Women, conversely, were more inclined to consult written sources, including baby books and online articles.
In a surprising twist, however, men seemed more willing to engage with interactive online resources. Indeed, men and women followed mommy blogs at roughly equal rates (apparently that genre name is a major misnomer), but male respondents were more likely to join parenting groups on Facebook and Instagram. It’s worth noting that many experienced parents also rely on these groups for camaraderie and guidance: It’s not just beginners who need support. From groups specifically designed for single parents to groups geared toward families with children with particular challenges, social media offers valuable opportunities to vent and empathize with others.
Seeking advice, by age
Each generation approaches gathering parenting advice differently, although doctors are the top source of guidance for each age group. Interestingly, millennials are the generation most likely to consult their mothers and fathers for parenting tips: So much for the theory that millennials are firmly rejecting the “helicopter” tactics of the folks who raised them. Unsurprisingly, this age group was also the most likely to seek parenting advice from online sources, even though 42 percent of Gen Xers did the same.
Relative to younger generations, baby boomers seemed fairly hesitant about seeking advice from anyone but medical professionals. One explanation of this trend may lie in baby boomers’ desire to shift established parenting paradigms. As many commentators have suggested, baby boomers sought to raise their children in contrast to the remote approach their parents employed. If you’re determined to do things differently, you may be wary of the prevailing parenting wisdom, whether articulated in baby books or by your mother.
And yet, when asked whom they wished they had hit up for parenting assistance, more than a third of respondents said they should have relied more on their or their partners’ mothers. Grandparents can be a great source of free child care, although differences in parenting philosophies can sometimes create uncomfortable conflict. Other common answers included paid professionals, such as a nanny or a night nurse. Nearly 19 percent also said they should have leaned on friends more frequently, even though best buddies would probably get tired of unpaid babysitting after a while.
Pre-birth prep
By the time the baby’s arrival is just weeks away, what percentage of parents have completed certain preparations and precautions? By the third trimester, 4 in 5 respondents reported reading at least one baby book, and more than three-quarters had “baby-proofed” their homes (from outlets to furniture corners, there’s plenty to cover). Additionally, 73 percent said they learned CPR techniques to use with their newborns if necessary. Experts recommend all infant caregivers, including grandparents and nannies, learn how to perform these life-saving measures as well.
Most parents looked slightly further ahead as well: Roughly 65 percent researched day care facilities by the third trimester. Given the sky-high cost of day care and the scarcity of government subsidies, it’s no surprise that parents start their search early. Others took advantage of educational opportunities related to birth and parenting. Nearly 63 percent took a child care course, and 56 percent attended Lamaze classes. In fact, Lamaze International has taken steps to ensure its continuing popularity with millennial couples, offering entirely online versions of its course content.
Parenting pro tips
When we asked seasoned parents to share their advice for expectant couples, a few consistent themes emerged across their perspectives. One notion several respondents sought to convey was a sense of self-compassion: It’s normal to find parenting difficult at first, but things tend to work out just fine. Indeed, some parents wished they had accepted the uncertainty of being a new parent from the beginning, admitting that many aspects of having a newborn are unpredictable. In the words of one mother, all new parents can do is “relax, and do the best that you can for your baby.”
Still, other respondents emphasized just how challenging the first months of parenthood can be. Some mentioned physical discomfort following pregnancy; for many women, recovery from childbirth can be a long and difficult road. Some fathers described the transition in philosophical terms instead, citing a new, unselfish focus in their lives. Still others focused on practical necessities. You can never have too many diapers.
Help once the baby is here
Our findings present significant differences in the preoccupations and preparations of various first-time parents. Additionally, beyond receiving guidance from medical professionals, couples differ profoundly in whom they trust to convey the basics of newborn care. Perhaps the most important conclusion that can be drawn from our data is that there are many valid approaches to learning about parenting. If our respondents’ experiences reveal anything, it’s that caring for a newborn entails unexpected joys and challenges – however well you plan, parenthood has some surprises in store for you and your partner. Thankfully, you possess the most important tools already: love for your little one and the willingness to grow together.
Whether you need a babysitter while you run errands or an ongoing nanny to provide some extra support, Care.com is here for you as you take your first few steps as a new parent. Don’t stress about finding a caregiver for your little one – visit Care.com to find the experienced caregiver you need.
Methodology and limitations
To get the data presented in this study, a survey was run using Amazon’s Mechanical Turk service, which was taken by 1,005 respondents. Of our respondents, 766 identified as women, 237 identified as men and two chose to identify as neither. Forty-seven of these respondents were baby boomers, 293 were from Generation X, 651 were millennials and 14 belonged to other generations.
Respondents had to either be currently pregnant, the partner of someone currently pregnant, had given birth before or the partner of someone who had given birth to qualify for the survey. The data presented rely on self-reporting, and self-reporting can come with issues such as telescoping and exaggeration, to name a few. Attention checks were used in the survey to ensure that respondents were paying attention and not answering randomly.
Sources
- https://time.com/money/5269576/mommy-bloggers-success/
- https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/jan/16/baby-advice-books-industry-attachment-parenting
- https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/data.html
- https://www.romper.com/p/how-much-having-a-premature-baby-could-cost-under-trumpcare-58370
- https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/aug/16/survival-of-premature-babies-more-likely-now-than-in-mid-1990s-study-shows
- https://www.verywellfamily.com/avoiding-weight-gain-new-fathers-4065306
- https://medlineplus.gov/infantandnewborncare.html
- https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Family/private-facebook-group-offers-haven-single-parents/story?id=52834189
- https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/08/facebook-parenting-groups-are-the-only-thing-tethering-me-to-the-social-network.html
- https://www.adweek.com/brand-marketing/millennials-are-rejecting-helicopter-parenting-heres-why-that-matters-for-marketers/
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2017/12/06/a-boomer-parents-apology-to-millennials/#5ff5666124b6
- https://www.verywellfamily.com/grandparents-who-have-problems-with-boundaries-1695778
- https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/07/baby-proofing-the-home-the-most-important-safety-products.html
- https://www.thebump.com/a/what-to-do-when-baby-is-choking
- https://www.reuters.com/article/us-column-marksjarvis-daycare/daycare-costs-harder-to-afford-than-college-for-many-idUSKCN1IO1X7
- https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/recovery-vaginal-delivery#1
Fair use statement
Looking to share this content with some soon-to-be parents in your life? Maybe you just want to nudge your partner into reading that baby book you bought him or her. Whatever your reasons (so long as they’re not commercial), you are free to use our information and images however you see fit. When you do, just link back to this page to attribute the Care.com team properly.
