“Oh, we are playing Poker tonight.” When I call my seventy-something mom, she always has plans, whether it is a card game, dinner with friends or watching the latest movie in the theater. Aging isn’t a bad word in her vocabulary and she has embraced the ups and downs of growing older. She keeps busy, relies on an extensive network of friends and stays active with regular exercise classes. She embraces the view that 70% of seniors adopt to aging by “celebrating their age and believing the process is about living.”
Having a healthy outlook on aging is good news since the Population Reference Bureau estimates the “number of Americans ages 65 and older is projected to more than double from 46 million to over 98 million by 2060.” Many Americans will face the prospect of talking with their mothers and fathers about adjustments, challenges and triumphs as their parents grow old. As a daughter of an aging mom, here are some tips to ease into a conversation:
- Communicate. While you may not know exactly how to bring up your parents’ declining vision or health issues, start by expressing your concerns. Confer with siblings beforehand to get a sense of different perspectives. It may be hard to have these conversations, but necessary to understand how best to address specific needs and get on the same page with both parents and siblings.
- Address financial issues. Some seniors may need to make hard decisions if their current living arrangement is no longer safe. How will they pay for senior housing or in-home care if they need it? Discussing money is a sensitive subject, so keep that in mind when inquiring about assets and savings that can fund housing and long term care. A financial planner or elder law attorney can be useful in helping you and your parents come up with a solid plan.
- Talk about health concerns. Have your parents had their annual physicals? Are you concerned about their memory or mobility? Inquiring about health needs and getting a thorough medical evaluation is a good place to start. Perhaps your mother, who lives alone, could use a life alert system for safety. What type of health care insurance does she have? Does your dad have long term care insurance or is he eligible for veterans’ benefits? Getting this information upfront can avoid confusion down the road.
- Assess whether driving is still an option. Many older adults connect independence with the ability to drive. There may come a point when seniors need to curtail driving or stop altogether. Explore options for a driving service or public transportation. Observe your mother driving and determine how well she can navigate the road. A reduced driving schedule with familiar routes might be a viable alternative, but you won’t know until you get a firsthand understanding of your parent’s driving abilities.
- Talk about end-of-life issues. Talking about life and death issues isn’t always comfortable, but is especially necessary when dealing with an aging loved one. Have a discussion about special end-of-life instructions and find out if your parent has a designated health care proxy. It’s best to ask these questions when an aging parent is clear-headed and able to convey his or her wishes.
- Respect and approach aging with sensitivity. Most people are reluctant to give up their independence and may resist talking about the aging process. Approach these issues with sensitivity and learn when to push and when to back off.
I love hearing the laughter in my mother’s voice after she has a great evening with her friends. It is comforting to know that aging doesn’t mean giving up all things youthful. Sometimes it means tempering expectations as a parent and adult child try to navigate the aging process together.
To learn more about helping loved ones with the aging process, contact a Senior Care Advisor at Care.com. We are master’s-level social workers specializing in adult and senior care. Call us today at (855) 781-1303 x3 or email questions to careplanning@care.com
