Everyone asks the same thing when you have twins: “What do you do when they cry at the same time?” The answer is that you try the same things you would do with a single baby- hold, rock, feed and cross your fingers. And there are times when none of these work…
When my kids were little, there was a night when my sweet-natured 22 month-old son had night terrors and my twins were 4 months old; still teeny girls getting up through the night to eat. After soothing my son back to sleep, he got out of his toddler bed and inadvertently locked himself in his room. When he realized what had happened, he started screaming with fright. Naturally, this was the exact moment the twins woke for their 1am feeding.
And of course, the little key we use to pop open locked doors had fallen behind the doorframe.
And of course, the back-up key fell behind the other doorframe.
And of course, my husband was traveling for work.
All three of my babies were screaming and crying. Screaming from fear, from hunger, from confusion. They were screaming from not knowing where mom was or if I would ever come to comfort them. Then, they realized their siblings were screaming which led to more hysteria. Three children in a red alert screaming panic in the middle of the night is a very special brand of parental torture.
So what do you do? Help the anxiety-riddled toddler with no quick way to get him out of his room? Or begin the hour long feeding cycle for the hungry twins? I chose the thing you might have chosen too- run to the garage and dump random drawers until I found something to unlock the door to break my son out of his room. Then, I held him as tightly as I could while I did the world’s worst job of preparing two bottles for two babies with one hand.
I am not sure how long the house resonated with screams at 1 am, but I do know that if anyone’s brain cells were destroyed from excessive crying they were surely mine.
I share this with you because even when we’re trying our best, sometimes we still get the worst. Despite our best efforts to soothe, our babies cry for hours. Even after we’ve prepared to nurse, baby might need formula. And if we’re sleep deprived to the point of literal torture, we may need to place baby in the safety of the crib while we parents do our own version of crying it out.
The fact is, many parenting moments are unwinnable. But if we’re holding all our babies close in the middle of the night or otherwise, that’s almost always enough.
