Technology is a major part of parenting these days. Most of us have a cell phone stocked with hundreds of photos of our kids, we connect with other parents via groups on social media and we use apps like FaceTime and WhatsApp to communicate with grandparents and other important people in our kids’ lives. This connected parenting lifestyle is all fun and games until your child gets old enough to start asking for a phone of their very own.
Parents are often bombarded with conflicting advice about technology, screen time and what age kids should get a phone. A 2020 report by the Pew Research Center shows 45% of parents believe kids shouldn’t have a cell phone before age 12, while 28% say phones are off limits until age 15. On the other end of the spectrum, 22% of parents say they’re fine with the idea of buying a phone for kids under the age of 11.
With so many conflicting opinions out there, it can be a struggle to decide what’s best for your own child. Here, experts tackle the “what age should kids get a phone” question and break down everything parents need to know before they take the plunge.
What age should kids get a phone?
According to Dr. Nusheen Ameenuddin, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Mayo Clinic Children’s Center and Chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Communications and Media, there’s not necessarily a specific age at which parents should give their child a cell phone.
Instead, she says, it depends on your assessment of your child’s maturity level as well as the demands of your lifestyle. For some kids, a cell phone may actually be a necessity. Jeanne Sager, a mom of one from Callicoon Center, New York, says she got her child their first cell phone at age 12 because they were involved in so many extracurricular activities.
“There are no longer payphones available for kids to call their parents when they’re out and about, and having a cell phone has made it possible for my kid to be able to be away from me and do normal teen things but still get in contact when it’s necessary,” she explains.
Your child may benefit from having a cell phone sooner if:
- You share custody with another parent.
- You rely on outside help for child care or rides to and from school.
- Your child travels for sports or other team commitments.
- Your child babysits or has an afterschool job.
- Your child has a health condition, such as diabetes, that puts them at a higher risk of having a medical incident.
What to consider before getting your kid a phone
Having a cell phone is so normal for adults that it’s easy for us to forget what a big purchase a first cell phone actually is. In reality, says Bobbi Rebell, a certified financial planner and parenting coach who lives in New York, parents need to think long and hard about a number of factors before taking the plunge because there is no going back. Here are some points to consider:
Why do they want a phone?
“I think the most critical question to ask is ‘what is the purpose of the cell phone?,” Ameenuddin says.
If the phone will fill a need, such as making it easier to communicate with you, or give them access to apps they need for learning, scheduling and other helpful activities, that may be a compelling reason to consider buying one. On the other hand, if they’re craving one solely because of peer pressure or they’re anxious to use apps you think they aren’t old enough to use, you may want to hold off.
“Talking with your child to find out why they want it and what they plan to use it for is as important as setting expectations that the cell phone will not take away from their other activities including schoolwork or sleep,” Ameenuddin says.
“Talking with your child to find out why they want it and what they plan to use it for is as important as setting expectations that the cell phone will not take away from their other activities including schoolwork or sleep.”
— Dr. Nusheen Ameenuddin, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Communications and Media
It’s a long-term financial commitment
While you may be offered discounts and sweet deals during your initial phone purchase, don’t forget that you’re making a permanent addition to your family’s budget, says Rebell. ”The costs will be ongoing, and you will likely pay more as you upgrade for more speed and new devices as your child gets older,” she explains.
You may also be on the hook for accessories, like fancy earbuds or app subscriptions. Rebell suggests having a plan for how you’ll cover the ongoing cost of a new phone, including deciding whether or not the child themselves will contribute. “Phones are expensive,” she adds. “Will they be responsible for part of the bill, even if it is paid through their allowance?”
There may be screen time battles
As a parent, you’ll have to play an active role in managing your child’s screen time and helping them develop a healthy relationship with their new cell phone, which is something even many adults find challenging. So, how do you do that?
“I think the earlier expectations are set, the better chance we have to use cell phones effectively,” Ameenuddin.
“I think the earlier expectations are set, the better chance we have to use cell phones effectively.”
— Dr. Nusheen Ameenuddin, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Communications and Media
Before you purchase a phone, lay some ground rules for when it can and cannot be used, and stick to them consistently once the phone is in your child’s possession. Ameenuddin suggests the following:
- Create screen-free zones, such as prohibiting phone use during meals and not allowing phones to be used at bedtime.
- Charge the phone in a separate room at night so they aren’t tempted to stay up late checking notifications.
- Prohibit phone use during meal times.
- Have a common area where parents can look in on kids while they’re online.
Safety matters
A cell phone is a window into the world, and that can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Monitoring your child’s online safety will be a big part of your new role as a pro-cell phone parent. Some safety measures Ameenuddin recommends include:
- Using the phone’s parental control features, which can include monitoring apps, setting time limits for usage and filtering inappropriate websites or searches.
- Setting rules about which apps they’re allowed to use.
- Checking the security settings on downloaded apps.
- Making kids aware of the potential dangers of social media and the internet.
“It’s important to talk about internet and phone safety with children to ensure they feel comfortable coming to parents if they receive inappropriate messages or if they are being bullied,” she adds. “Parental controls on children’s phones are a good supplemental strategy, but nothing takes the place of real life limit setting and supervision with engaged parents and children.”
What to do if you’re still not sure when to give your kid a phone
If you’re on the fence about a cell phone and just can’t make a decision, Rebell says to remember that phones aren’t your only option. “You don’t need to go all-in,” she says. “There are communication devices, like smart watches, that can give your child the ability to communicate with you and a few key adults in their life, without all the additional distractions.”
That is what ultimately worked for Melissa Hergenrader, a mom of four from Papillion, Nebraska, when she wanted to give her daughter more independence. “We got our 8-year-old a watch so I can track her in the neighborhood and she can call me in emergencies,” she says.
Another option Ameenuddin recommends is to give your kid a “starter phone” and allow them to work their way up to something better.
“Have a simple phone that is not a smart phone as a training device or to be used only for emergencies,” she says. “As your child becomes more mature and is able to better manage distractions, screen time and other activities, perhaps a cell phone with more features can be provided, along with a combination of new parent set limits and ground rules.”