I have never heard the phrase “high school” said without an accompanying eye roll, or disdainful shaking of the head. In case you were wondering, I’ve actually been continuously rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I type this. Praise be to spell check.
The years between 13 and 18 were not a party for yours truly. Much of middle school was spent machete-ing my way through an awkward phase so thick, it can only be accurately compared to the jungles of Borneo. I towered over my classmates with a mouth full of braces and hair that suggested I stuck cutlery in sockets for fun, blood in the water for the hungry, and equally insecure, sharks circling the hallways. I somehow emerged a budding swan, just in time for Freshman year. It was there where I was on the receiving end of unwanted attention from older guys, the catalyst for a high school career marred and burned by relentless bullying. The thing is, as I’ve gotten older, and discussed my story with friends, I’ve learned that my experience was pretty common, which is all the more disheartening.
Netflix’s new series, 13 Reasons Why, based on the New York Times bestseller by Jay Asher, explores the catastrophic impact bullying can have on teens and their loved ones. It chronicles the aftermath of a teen’s suicide, as 13 tapes recorded by the victim, Hannah Baker, are circulated amongst the 13 people in her life whose actions, she says, led to her untimely death. The stories relayed involve issues stemming from rumors, underage drinking, absentee parents, cyber bullying, drug use, parties, drinking and driving, stalking, dating, slut shaming, and, sadly, rape. These topics are scary, they will make you uncomfortable, but what’s more terrifying is how relatable the story line is to today’s teens.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 1 in 3 students report being bullied during the school year, yet 64% do not report it. Victims of bullying are 2x more likely to experience negative health effects, including headaches, stomachaches, anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, and more. As a result, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people aged 15-24.
Predictably, and rightfully so, 13 Reasons Why is sending shockwaves through both the American parenting and teen communities. The episodes are hard to stomach, and the cruelty, ignorance, and insensitivity displayed by the parents, teens, and teachers in Hannah’s community will make you cringe. The thing is, though, their community isn’t so different from yours or mine, with teens sneaking around, teachers trying not to get “too involved”, and parents living in dark, unable figure out what’s really plaguing their children.
Adolescence is a trip, and the many moving parts that define what it is to be a ‘modern teen’ shift constantly. When I’d bemoan the goings on at my school, I can remember hearing my mother say “I get it, but you forget, I was a teenager once too.” Right, but a teenager without the internet, cellphones, social media, and dating apps/sites. The creation of, and our interaction with, these entities has shaped and defined both the millennial and z generations. While the internet is undeniably a phenomenal creation, it can’t be turned off. It is everywhere, all knowing, inescapable, unavoidable. On a regular basis, I refer to it as “Big Brother”.
13 Reasons Why does a phenomenal job of not only illustrating what bullying looks like in 2017, but also how out of touch parents are with this reality, mainly because the nuances that affect their children didn’t exist when they were in their place. In the first episode of the show, we watch as Hannah and her crush, popular jock Justin, hangout casually at a park. While goofing around on the playground, Justin takes a picture of Hannah sliding down the slide, and the next day, when he unnecessarily shows his friends, he twists his story to make the picture and their evening together sound sexual. Justin’s friends then send this picture around to the whole school, convincing the entire student body that Hannah is “a slut”, when in reality, nothing of the sort transpired between them. While the rumor mill was steadily churning away when Hannah or Justin’s parents were in high school, texting, cell phone cameras, and the instant ability to circulate content to the masses weren’t.
When my mother would go home after school, she’d plop down on the couch and get a well-deserved break from teenage America, but today, It’s umpteen times harder to check out as a teen or young adult. We treat our phones as another appendage, constantly checking in and updating ourselves on the goings on across the world and the online universes people like Mark Zuckerburg, Evan Spiegel, Jack Dorsey, and Kevin Systrom created for us to play on. It is now the norm to be always plugged in, instantly accessible to peers and strangers alike. It’s estimated that millennials spend 18 hours a day ingesting new content and media, and, statistically speaking, it’s not all good stuff.
Though I graduated high school 7 years ago, the similarities between my high school experience and the ones explored on 13 Reasons Why abound. What makes them different, however, are the resources and support systems that now exist to help teens tackle the intricacies that define adolescence in 2017. People like the creators of 13 Reasons Why, including executive producer, Selena Gomez (yes, the one you’re thinking of) work tirelessly to provide valuable information, tools, techniques, and materials for parents and teens to use to both survive and thrive during their high school years. In 2010, those of us trying to figure out how to navigate these new advances and creations, as well as their impacts on life as a teenager, were without guidance and support. There’s nothing scarier than being 16 and flying blind.
Not everyone needs to suffer through high school, as thousands of teens, like Hannah and her classmates, do each day. Shows and books like 13 Reasons Why are invaluable in promoting awareness, and providing help to those struggling. Parents, please watch the show. Do not be afraid of its content, but also do not discredit its validity (I mean, it did take 7 years to create, with the help of a team of medical professionals). Yes, a lot of what is covered may leave you shocked and in disbelief, stating that this kind of stuff can’t possibly be happening. I assure you, it is, and it’s imperative to the safety of not only your children, but children and teens across the country, that you be aware.
