We asked Jenessa, is a marketing professional, to share her experiences about having two working parents – and numerous nannies – growing up.
I grew up with nannies. My mother went back to work when I was a few months old. And until I was 16, we had nannies who helped raise my brother and me.
And now my husband and I have an incredible nanny who helps us raise our three kids.
Recently, I wrote a blog about a decision I made to continue paying our nanny even while our kids were at school. She was such a part of our lives that I wanted to do whatever I could to keep her with us. So I asked her to run a few errands and do a load or two of laundry during the hours she didn’t have the kids.
And the comments came pouring in. I had inadvertently stepped into the Mommy Wars. And my decisions (to work, to have a nanny, to have her do extra work) were being challenged. Honestly, it was tough to take in.
But then I remembered the concept that “it takes a village” to raise a child which has been embraced for thousands of years. And my village happens to include a paid child care provider. Is that so unacceptable?
Here’s the thing. ALL moms experience enough guilt at one point or another without having other moms piling on. And for nannies who have picked an incredibly challenging and rewarding profession, it seems unfair that they should ever be made to feel like they’re doing “someone else’s job” as opposed to contributing to the successful upbringing of the children in their care. So as a child raised by nannies (as well as two loving parents), I feel lucky. And I hope my story can help other moms feel better about using nannies to help support their families.
I can tell you this: I am not disappointed in my parents or my childhood. I’ve always felt incredibly loved by them. I grew up thinking that they had busy and fascinating lives. And that I was a part of it. I never yearned for my parents during a school performance they couldn’t attend. I wasn’t devastated because my mom’s cupcakes weren’t part of the school bake sale. I never cared that my nanny sometimes prepared my dinner or drove me to activities, or watched me on a Saturday night so my parents could go on a date. These things were just a fact of life. Some kids had parents in the crowd, and some didn’t.
What I did experience was that when my parents were with me, I felt like they were really with me. They were genuinely interested in my life, and had a lot of ideas and insights to offer. They expressed their love openly and continuously. It was the quality of our interactions and the knowledge that they were ALWAYS there for me emotionally that mattered. They taught me to treat people with kindness and acceptance. They taught me that I had choices as to what to do with my life and how to lead my life. And they hand-selected wonderful, nurturing, interesting and responsible nannies to care for me during the day.
And I grew up wanting to be a mom who also worked outside the home.
So, thank you to the “village” that helped raise me. Thank you to my parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, relatives, dance instructors, clergy and camp counselors. And thank you to the nannies, many of whom I still keep in touch with. These women have helped shape who I am today.
I feel privileged to have had such an incredible upbringing filled with joy, laughter, love, challenge, meaningful life lessons and most importantly different perspectives — all of which I’ve embraced, valued and sought to understand whether I agreed with them or not.
P.S. What better time to thank these nannies than Nanny Recognition Week (which is this week!)? Here are 52 ways to thank your nanny and the 15 best cities to be a nanny.
