There are some topics where it doesn’t matter how much you read up, listen to others or study seriously — you will just never really know what it’s like until it happens to you. Parenthood is definitely one such experience. Until you hold that little one in your arms for the first time, you could not have imagined how profoundly your life and your marriage would be impacted and changed in the weeks, months and years to come. It’s good to be as prepared as possible, but don’t be hard on yourself for the things you never knew – it’s all about lifelong learning anyway, and becoming a parent is probably one of the steepest learning curves one can face.
If you are a parent you probably have your own personal list of “things I never knew” – maybe some of them are similar to mine. If you are still looking forward to becoming a parent, take this as an encouragement that parenthood is an amazing adventure with lots of bumps along the road, so enjoy the ride. And when one or more of these nine things happens to you, know that it’s ok and you are not alone.
1. I never knew how tired I could get…
‘Sleep-deprived’ is a very common buzzword when it comes to parenting a newborn. For me it started from day one. After a whole night of labor, my daughter was finally born. Thankfully I got some rest that afternoon, but then I was wide awake and basically just gazing at my precious little bundle all night while she slept (checking if she was breathing, of course)… and so it went from there; sleepless nights or rather interrupted sleep. It really does help to take naps during the day, however short. Taking ‘shifts’ with your marriage partner during the night can also be helpful, especially in the first three months.
2. I never knew how difficult it would be to cut the fingernails…
Well, our princess was born with very long fingernails… apparently they grow well in the womb. So hubby had to rush out to the pharmacy and find some baby nail scissors (we found the scissors worked better than clippers). And then the fun began! How to keep those tiny little fingers still long enough to cut carefully without causing any damage? And if we left any sharp edges they were sure to show up as scratches on her pretty little face.
3. I never knew how many diapers a baby would use…
When it comes to the topic of diapers there’s one main thing to say: disposable beats cloth any day (if you can afford them). For our first baby we went the cloth route. But by the time the second baby came I was ready to fast three days a week and go without chocolates if necessary – anything for the joy of tossing that stinky bundle into the bin!
4. I never knew how few clothes and things a baby actually needs…
By the time our baby arrived we had accumulated a small mountain of clothes, toys and gadgets of all shapes and sizes. A few months later I came to the realization that I probably hadn’t even touched at least half of the mountain and baby had already outgrown some of those gorgeous and irresistible little outfits. So I learned that less is more when it comes to newborn baby clothes.
5. I never knew how much ‘advice’ I would get – even from strangers…
It is funny how anyone who ever had a baby, or knew someone who had, always seems to know exactly what your baby does or doesn’t need… “She’s tired, you should put her down to sleep now,” was one of my most unnerving pieces of advice. My firstborn did not like to sleep. In fact I discovered that when she yawned it was more of a waking-up kind of “so-what-shall-we-do-now?’ thing for her.
6. I never knew I would end up doing exactly what I thought I never would…
Before I had kids I would observe the new parents among my friends and family and think to myself, “Why on earth do they give the children lunch at 11am?” or “How can they let the house get so messy…” and guess what? A few years down the line I knew exactly why they did all those things, because I found myself doing them too!
7. I never knew how different my babies would be…
When it’s your first child you tend to think, “Oh well, this is what it’s like…” and then the second one comes along and you realize that this baby is completely different than the first one! From sleeping patterns to eating and crying or laughing, they were definitely individuals with their own personalities and preferences. One would sleep for four hours straight, and the other for an hour or less at a time. Bottom line is, you can’t compare your children, each one is unique.
8. I never knew how much my relationship with my spouse would change…
From being just the two of us for more than two years, now we became three, and then four! Despite the joy and excitement of welcoming a new family member, our relationship definitely took some strain and major adjustments were necessary. Those spontaneous jump-in-the-car-and-go-for-a-drive moments were never the same as we had to pack the baby-bag and make sure we had every eventuality covered before venturing out of the house for a while. And those quiet evenings alone together became frantic bedtime routines and flopping into bed as soon as possible.
9. I never knew I would learn so much from my child…
Before I became a parent I would dream about everything I was going to teach my child. Looking back now on twenty years of parenthood it seems as if my children have probably taught me much more than I ever taught them. Mostly it’s those priceless things that can’t be measured but certainly can be felt, like trust and openness, brutal honesty and undisguised love.
