What do you say when the kids you watch are often whiny, demanding or uncooperative? It can be a touchy subject with some parents, who may get defensive about their children.
Do you recognize these 7 Signs Your Kid is a Brat?
We asked our community of nannies and babysitters on Care.com’s Facebook Page how they handle children that are acting up, and how they address the bad behavior with parents.
About a third said they wouldn’t tell the parents at all. The majority of our child care providers say they would communicate with parents about kids’ behavior, but with varying ideas on the best way to bring up the issue.
Here’s what they had to say:
- “You don’t tell them they are a ‘brat,’ you tell them you’re having issues with respect.”
~ Nellie D.
- “I tell it how it is — you gotta be honest. If the kid’s being a brat, you tell them ‘your kid’s being a brat’ and that’s it.”
~ Rose C.
- “Children aren’t brats. Children can struggle with respect or anger or self-control. If you label the child, you aren’t attempting to fix the problem.”
~ Mercedes S.
- “Believe me, you don’t have to tell them, they already know!”
~ Robette P.
- “First, don’t use the term brat. It will just put parents on the defensive, and to be honest, it’s just a lazy term people use to describe children who are mostly likely acting out for attention.
As a family member, teacher, nanny or babysitter: tell the parents you are concerned because you notice recent negative behavior, and ask what the parents would like for you to do to help them address it.
As an outsider or stranger: Keep your mouth shut. It’s none of your business, and the last thing parents need is to feel attacked about it, especially if they are already trying to rectify the child’s behavior.”
~ Lindsay O.
- “Addressing the issue immediately — it could be during transitions or environment. You never label the child.”
~ Janice P.
- “Clearly state behavioral issues without judgment.”
~ Virginia D.
- “If you want to affect positive change, you need to change your point of view from ‘this child is giving me a hard time’ to ‘this child is having a hard time.’ This kiddo is having problems fitting in, accepting boundaries, communicating his needs in a way that gets them met… and so on. It can be hard to change the way we think about kids who are getting under our skin, but I have found great success in moving forward by listening to helpful webinars.”
~ Janice S.
- “You don’t….that is a label, not a definition! Communication is the biggest part of my job and addressing issues as they come up.”
~ Lynn G.
- “I don’t do bratty kids — it’s called changing their behavior, with discipline, and giving them choices with consequences. Communication is key to their understanding. There is always an underlying issue on why they are acting out. Most of the time it is lack of attention from Mom and Dad. There are ways to deal with it, and communicating concerns with the parents is important!”
~ Janette G.
- “I wouldn’t use the word brat, I would speak to the child and let them know that bad behavior is not acceptable, and if something is wrong please talk to me so that I’m able to help you. That is my job: to care for you and to make sure you are ok. Please use your words and use good behavior and then we can work together to fix what’s wrong. I would also have discussed these issues with the parents in the beginning — as to how we will handle bad behavior, as a whole.”
~ Royce B.
- “Some children are more difficult to deal with than others…you just need to adapt and try different techniques as to how to handle them…maybe ask the parent how they dealt with this situation, and ask them what worked and what didn’t work.”
~ Natalie S.
- “Behavior problems most often are a symptom of something greater. Usually lack of consistency in parenting.”
~ Dawnmarie W.
- “Children need to be taught how to manage their feelings when upset and how to control their behavior. Parents have the primary role in doing this, but caregivers do contribute a lot in this role too. Calling a child a brat is the same as saying the child is a bad person, so that’s not right. Parents and caregivers are a team, so the best thing to do when children are misbehaving is working together in expressing love to them, spending time with them, nurturing them, and teaching them. Doing so will bring happiness to them and to you.”
~ Ana Luisa M.
- “Never say brat. You tell the parents that there are some problems that, working together, you feel could be fixed.”
~ Susan B.
- “I feel like the job of being a nanny is to teach children right and wrong. I agree with those who have said speak to parents about your concerns. If they have suggestions, try them. Find out what the child enjoys and participate with him. Tell him how fun it is to be with him when you are having fun. Tell him you are responsible to keep him safe no matter what. He is old enough to understand… make the rules and set the limits. You are doing him a favor — if he is left to his poor skills, he will have trouble in many situations. It is not always an easy job.”
~ Marion R.
- “You don’t call names. You talk to the parents about specific behaviors and come up with a plan to correct them.”
~ Melaney S.
- “We have a board. It has his chores, grades and behavior on it. If he has a good day, he gets a happy face. If he has a bad day he gets a frowny face. If he goes two weeks with good behavior, grades and doing his chores, then he gets a big reward.”
~ Desiree B.
- “Don’t ever call a child names, for one. Two: if you have a problem with certain behavior that you as a caregiver cannot handle, sit down and talk to the parents for guidance and suggestions. If you are thinking a child is a ‘brat,’ maybe you shouldn’t be in child care.”
~ Britni W.
- “I wouldn’t say they’re a brat ever. I have in the past written notes about the child’s behavior (like that they refused to do their chores or were caught lying about something) so they can address it with the other parent. I have told the parents the kid(s) were being sassy or naughty, never bratty. I always explain what the child(ren) did wrong, never just say they were naughty.”
~ Kayla S.
- “Address the issues, don’t personally attack the child.”
~ Sue B.
- “You don’t! Stay positive! Say they had a bad day, or made bad choices today. Never label the child. Show love and attention to the child and talk with them about their feelings, and you won’t have a ‘brat’ in the first place.”
~ Sheridan R.
- “Addressing behavioral problems with parents is tricky. I tend to make it a little amusing or convey how it affects everyone. I am honest about what happens during our day, and let them know how I deal with the good and the bad. I am sad when their child has a ‘tough day’ and so very proud and happy with the ‘easy days.'”
~ Lynn A.
Check out more advice and thoughts from families, nannies and other caregivers.
