Adult children who are stepping into a caregiver role for their aging parents might view their priorities as similar to that of a parent raising young children — you want to ensure they feel confident moving into the next phase of life as it unfolds.
“Our jobs are to facilitate our parents’ success as they grow old,” says eldercare expert Joy Loverde, best-selling author of the “Who Will Take Care Of Me When I’m Old?” and “The Complete Eldercare Planner.” “Planning early helps them stay in the driver’s seat, and the more our parents are in charge of their own lives, the better off they will be.”
So how do you care for aging parents in a way that will lead to a bright future? From housing to healthcare, finances to funeral arrangements, this aging parents checklist for caregivers is the easiest way to get started — and not get overwhelmed — according to experts.
Understanding your parent’s support needs as they age
“Planning ahead for a parent’s care as they age is crucial because it helps ensure they receive the right kind of support at the right time and reduces the likelihood of making rushed or emotionally charged decisions during a crisis,” says Tina Sadarangani, a board-certified adult and geriatric nurse practitioner in New York.
Seniors typically need a blend of physical, emotional and practical support to encourage independence as they age, Sadarangani explains. These are the most common changes that can occur and the ways they may need support:
- Physical changes: Decreased mobility; balance issues; chronic health conditions like arthritis or diabetes and reduced strength or energy can lead to a need for assistance with daily activities like walking, bathing and housekeeping.
- Cognitive changes: Memory loss or cognitive decline, including dementia, may require help managing medications, finances and personal safety.
- Emotional changes: Aging can lead to feelings of isolation, depression and anxiety, making emotional support, companionship and social activities important.
With these support needs in mind, Sadarangani recommends starting to develop a care plan with your parents when they are in their 50s or 60s, even if they are healthy, so you have a roadmap as changes occur. “Starting early gives you time to assess their needs, explore options and organize resources, leading to better health, safety and quality-of-life outcomes,” she says.
A comprehensive checklist for aging parents and their caregivers
Caring for an aging parent requires paying attention to multiple aspects of a senior’s life, not just healthcare, Loverde explains. “We have a generation of adults who tend to not step into the role of caring for aging parents until a health crisis occurs,” she says. “But when this happens, it’s too late to worry if something could have been prevented or if there is money to pay for things.”
To set everyone up for success, caregivers should follow this step-by-step checklist for aging parents, according to geriatric medical, care and end-of-life experts.
Step 1: Address common aging issues and medical conditions
“There’s no one-size-fits-all pattern of aging,” says Kyle Meyer, assistant professor at the Frances Payne Bolton School of Nursing at Case Western Reserve University. Some of the earliest ways in which seniors need support may not look like “caregiving” duties at all, he explains, like picking up groceries, shopping for clothes or driving a parent to places at night.
For seniors with chronic conditions, helping to keep track of medications, appointments and health records is important to start early, Sadarangani emphasizes. Families can prepare to address these types of needs by making sure they understand their family member’s preferences and making a plan to tackle the following tasks, according to the experts:
- Gather medical records, including medical history, a medication list, existing conditions and emergency contacts.
- Create a healthcare management plan, including monitoring chronic conditions, medication reminders, appointment scheduling and transportation needs.
- Set up home safety modifications to reduce the risk of falls and establish a housekeeping or cleaning routine to enhance accessibility and safety.
- Arrange for assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs) like dressing, eating and personal hygiene. Caregivers can arrange in-home nursing care or coordinate with healthcare professionals to meet these needs, Sadarangani notes.
- Plan social activities to combat isolation and encourage mental stimulation.
- Encourage healthy habits, proper nutrition and physical activity.
“Give the gift of planning to your family. By taking control of decision making early, you take away fear and worry later.”
— Tess Clarkson, certified end-of-life doula
Step 2: Make a financial plan to support a longer life
Once safety and security are accounted for, anything to do with money should be your number one focus when caring for an aging parent, according to Loverde. “We are not talking about financing healthcare, but financing a longer life,” she explains.
This specifically refers to making a plan to pay for long-term care, which includes considering options like Medicaid, Medicare and health savings accounts. Loverde recommends any caregiver with employee benefits also ask their company about elder care benefits, or benefits that offer caregiving support. “These offers can include group assistance, insurances and even free legal advice,” Loverde says. From there, here are the financial tasks to tackle together to make a long-term care plan, according to the experts:
- Collect account information and passwords for savings and checking accounts, investment accounts and retirement accounts (IRA, 401k).
- Create a contact sheet for financial help, including accountants, lawyers, financial advisors or insurance agents.
- Catalog assets, including savings, real estate, vehicles, valuables and life insurance.
- Catalog debts, including mortgage, outstanding loans and credit card debt.
- Calculate monthly income, including salary/wages, retirement benefits, social security, interest from investments, rental income and any other entitlements.
- Calculate monthly bills, including mortgage/rent, taxes, utilities, insurance premiums, car payments and fees, medications and copays and lifestyle expenses.
Step 3: Decide where they plan to live in the long run
Loverde advises that caregivers and their parents think about housing and health care services at the same time to plan for the future most effectively. “The biggest factor here is if and when a parent needs health care, housing should be connected to who is going to provide that care,” she says. “Because if you are an adult child that lives far away, it will not be you.”
Selecting a senior housing option sooner rather than later is also becoming more crucial because of our growing aging population, Lovderde notes. “In the year 2032, 70 million baby boomers will be over the age of 65,” she says. This will greatly impact the availability of senior care services. “If you want what you want, you have to start early.”
Here are the most common senior housing and care options to consider and plan for, according to advice from Loverde:
- Opt to “age in place,” or have parents stay in their current home. This will require added support from family caregivers and likely future home safety modifications so that should be included in conversations.
- Plan to hire in-home care for seniors. Options like these may include private home care, live-in caregivers, overnight caregivers and companion care.
- Seek out-of-home care options, including nursing homes, assisted living communities, continuing care retirement communities and senior apartment living.
Find a nursing home
Step 4: Get your legal decision-making documents in order
Decision-making documents are legal agreements that allow an adult child to make both medical and financial choices on behalf of a parent who may be unable to do so. Getting these in order is crucial to avoid stress and mistakes with urgent decisions that must be made during a crisis.
When it comes to priority, experts recommend hiring a lawyer or elder law attorney to draft a power of attorney (POA) form first, even before creating a will, Loverde explains. “Death is cut and dry in court — it’s all regulated,” she says. “If people don’t die, who is in charge of making the decisions?” From there, here’s a full list of legal tasks and documents to secure when caring for an aging parent, according to the experts:
- Ensure caregivers can access all legal records, as well as important documents, including birth certificates, insurance policies and deeds.
- Establish power of attorney (POA) so caregivers can make legal decisions as needed.
- Set up a healthcare proxy or medical power of attorney so caregivers can make medical decisions on a parent’s behalf if they can’t.
- Create a living will or advance healthcare directive which lets a parent outline their desires about medical treatments and end-of-life care.
- Put a revocable trust in place, which explains how a parent’s assets should be managed if they’re incapacitated, as well as after their passing.
Step 5: Discuss their end-of-life wishes
Talking about death is hard for many, but it is even harder to make decisions when timing is critical, explains Tess Clarkson, a certified end-of-life doula and former member of the Advisory Council for the St. Louis Elder Financial Protection Coalition. “Take away stress by having conversations now,” she says.
So, when is the right time to make end-of-life preparations? “For all of us, the answer is yesterday,” Clarkson says, who uses her experiences as both a death doula and caring for her two aging parents to educate others. “Empower yourself and your loved one by planning.”
Clarkson recommends The Conversation Project as a resource for getting started with end-of-life conversations, then tackling these tasks and assessing your plans often so you can revise them if needs shift:
- Contact all the people designated as decision-makers in your legal documents (outlined above) to ensure they are aware of their role and provide copies as needed.
- Make an inventory of your parents’ important possessions to ensure safekeeping. This is also a chance to hear the special stories behind them, Clarkson notes.
- Organize and declutter your loved one’s home to relieve yourself and others of these duties after death when family members are grieving.
- Empower seniors to make their own choices when it comes to death ceremonies and funerals, including choosing songs, speeches, donation asks and other tributes.
- Set up a regular schedule to visit or call parents to help combat loneliness and depression, as well as stay abreast of any health or lifestyle changes.
- Consider hiring an end-of-life doula if a parent is diagnosed with a terminal illness.
- Build a caregiver support network, which may include a therapist or a group of adults in a similar stage of life, that can help you navigate emotional strain and struggles.
The bottom line on how to care for aging parents
Talking about long-term care needs with aging parents and knowing when to begin can be tricky for adult children. “There isn’t a magical future age at which we should start to make preparations to care for aging parents,” Clarkson says. “You should do it now, and for me, dividing tasks into categories helps to make them easier to tackle.”
With this in mind, following a comprehensive checklist for aging parents that includes advice on health and safety needs, financial and legal planning, senior care and housing options and end-of-life considerations, can help caregivers prioritize what needs to get done and when. It will also relieve stress in the long run, especially if you plan sooner rather than later.
Logistically, planning ahead will help seniors protect their quality of life as they age by allowing them to secure where they want to live, the type of long-term care that will best and the money they need to afford a longer life. Starting early will also help you protect yourself emotionally. “Give the gift of planning to your family,” Clarkson says. “By taking control of decision making early, you take away fear and worry later.”
