Each October, kids excitedly plan their costumes and prepare to go trick-or-treating in their neighborhoods. From babies in pumpkin costumes to teens going door-to-door with friends, most kids go trick-or treating each October. In fact, 70% of Americans celebrate Halloween — it’s one of our most popular holidays.
For many older kids, it can be difficult to figure out how old is too old for trick-or-treating. Some kids are ready to ditch the tradition as soon as they hit the teen years, while others hang on a bit longer. A poll by the Today Show found that most adults support kids trick-or-treating into their teen years, with 46% of respondents saying kids are never too old. A very small group of curmudgeons — 1% of respondents — say age 10 is too old.
Some moms have taken to social media to implore others to be accepting of teen trick-or-treaters. In one video, which racked up nearly half a million likes, a mom of three teens implores others to accept their desire to participate. “They’re kids, but they are right on the end. I remember what that was like, how overwhelming it was knowing that you’re about to become an adult … how much responsibility you were about to have to take on … let them be kids.” Other videos poke fun at the lack of costumes many teens are famous for. Some moms say that if teens are trick-or-treating, it means they aren’t getting into trouble otherwise.
The varying opinions and advice can make choosing an age limit for trick-or-treating difficult. Here’s what parents and some experts have to say about the age limits for trick-or-treating, how to help kids with this transition and some fun activities older kids might like to do instead.
What’s the “best age” for trick-or-treating?
There isn’t one right answer to this, says Dr. Whitney Casares, a pediatrician and author of the forthcoming book “Doing It All.” We’ve all seen babies who can’t eat candy carried door-to-door in pumpkin onesies, but what’s the upper age limit? “I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule about when to stop trick-or-treating,” she says. “Some kids get bored with it by the time they reach middle school, but others keep going into the high school years.”
Casares says she remembers going out for one lap around the neighborhood with friends even in high school. It’s hard to let go of childhood traditions as adulthood looms, which is why some teens choose an abbreviated version of the event like Casares did. The “best age” to stop trick-or-treating is when your kid decides they aren’t comfortable anymore.
“They really love wearing costumes, and I think they would still go trick-or-treating if they thought people wouldn’t shame them.”
— Eve Alpern, parent of a 16-year-old
Parents of teens and tweens don’t have a true consensus on when to stop, either. “My newly-turned-18-year-old said he wasn’t going to go this year because he’s too old,” says Gerren Wagner. “He’ll just buy himself a ton of candy and sit in his room and O.D. on chocolate. I told him I’d do a Halloween easter egg hunt for him, and he was intrigued for about a minute,” she laughs.
For Eve Alpern’s 16-year-old, they want to be part of the fun without going door-to-door. “They know society doesn’t want them to go anymore, and they didn’t want to take a younger child or a friend, so they are planning to dress up in costume and roam around handing out candy bars on the street,” she says. “They really love wearing costumes, and I think they would still go trick-or-treating if they thought people wouldn’t shame them.”
What’s the etiquette for older kids who want to trick or treat?
For older trick-or-treaters, it’s a tumultuous time, says Jenny Dreizen, a modern day etiquette expert and COO of Fresh Starts Registry. She has written hundreds of scripts that help people navigate difficult transitions in life, and this situation is no different. While there are exceptions to every rule, Dreizen says there are some general etiquette guidelines that will ensure kids receive the least amount of flack possible.
Make sure they have a costume
“I think trick-or-treating is totally age appropriate until high school graduation, with a caveat — make sure your teens are being polite and clear with their speech, and they have to wear a costume,” she says. “There is some prevalent narrative with teens that costumes are uncool, but in my mind, if we are participating in the treat side of the holiday, the reward, we need to fully commit.”
Remind them to be on their best behavior
Dreizen adds a reminder that big kids are still kids, even if the world is starting to view them as adults. For older kids who do choose to go trick-or-treating, prep them that they may receive some flack from a small portion of adults. “A quick reminder of public behavior is always a good idea. We sometimes forget how young 18 still is,” she says.
Don’t forget “please” and “thank you”
Talking through some basic expectations will also help them have a smooth evening — even if some neighbors aren’t happy to see them on the stoop. “Along with a polite doorbell ring, a smile and a ‘trick-or-treat’ and ‘please and thank you’ are appropriate. Tell them to top it off with, ‘Have a great night!’ and they’re golden,” Dreizen adds.
How to decide on an age limit for trick-or-treating
Kids have big emotions about the trick-or-treat transition. It’s important to stay open and curious when helping big kids decide what to do on Halloween, says Avigail Lev, a psychologist in San Francisco. “Validate their emotions by saying things like, ‘Of course you feel this way’ or, ‘It makes sense you feel this way,’” she says, adding that if we mirror back their emotions, it can help them understand their feelings better.
“As our children grow up, there’s bound to be nostalgia around holiday traditions that don’t fit their age group anymore … but you can still help them relish each season by building new, age-appropriate holiday traditions as they mature.”
— Dr. Whitney Casares, pediatrician and author
“Together with them, we explore the underlying reasons for these emotions,” she says. For example, some kids may still want to go trick-or-treating but are embarrassed because their friends have moved beyond it. Others truly have lost interest in it. “Do they still enjoy the activity, or has the joy faded entirely?” Lev asks. She encourages parents to delve deeper into the why of this decision.
“As our children grow up, there’s bound to be nostalgia around holiday traditions that don’t fit their age group anymore,” says Casares. “All those Easter egg hunts and trips to the mall to meet Santa may be long-gone, but you can still help them relish each season by building new, age-appropriate holiday traditions as they mature.” It’s also important to remind them how much new freedom they have as they get to choose what parts of each holiday to celebrate — or even if they want to celebrate at all.
Alternatives to trick-or-treating for older kids
If your child has decided they are not comfortable hitting the town on Halloween night, it might be fun to plan some alternate activities.
Give them a role in the festivities
Involving older kids in the festivities may ease some of the sting of aging out of the main event. Give them some responsibility so they still feel included, says Casares. “Handing out candy to younger kids as they traipse through the neighborhood can also be a great way to stay involved.”
Invite the crew over
“At-home Halloween parties could include costumes, pumpkin-shaped snacks or scary movie viewings with friends,” says Casares. Older teens can have a classic horror movie night with some creepy snacks, while younger teens and tweens might enjoy films with a bit less gore. “I’m a big fan of other activities for Halloween,” adds Dreizen. “A Halloween dance or an art class or a home hang with friends?”
Let them take the lead on planning
Just ask. One of the cool things about raising big kids is it’s often easier to find out what they need than it was during the toddler years. “If they’ve outgrown trick-or-treating, ask them about alternative celebrations they’d be interested in,” says Lev.
She says the goal isn’t to dictate the Halloween plans but to explore the transition together. “This process can also be an opportunity to teach them negotiation skills, asking them about their ideal Halloween scenario, what they’d find acceptable and what they wouldn’t enjoy and would feel intolerable to them,” she adds.
The bottom line
Growing up is hard, but this is just one of many transitions. The bottom line is that parents will be hard-pressed to find a firm guideline that signals the end of trick-or-treating for most kids. Preferences, personalities and their peers will all determine when each kid decides to sit this activity out. Continue to have open conversations with your big kids to gauge their interest level and hesitation. For big kids who do decide to hit the streets, review manners and etiquette with them to ensure a smooth evening.
When kids decide to stop trick-or-treating, it’s important to help them process their emotions. The teen years are filled with the loss of so many childhood traditions — it can be scary. Ask open-ended questions and provide some one-on-one time to process their feelings. “The most important thing for older kids to remember is that filling your Halloween basket is not the goal. Fun is,” says Casares.
