These days, many parents are making an intentional effort to raise confident children with a healthy sense of self. The path to this reality varies between children, but often, it’s rooted in social-emotional awareness. Fostering positive self-esteem from an early age has many benefits, like helping kids learn to value their skills and persist during hard times. However, it can be challenging to know how to support these efforts. One effective strategy that’s flexible and useful across different age groups and stages is practicing positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations are a self-help tactic that builds confidence, often through short, encouraging phrases. “Positive affirmations for kids can be used to support a child’s development, increase their core beliefs, create a positive mindset and improve self-worth,” says Grace Tucker, a licensed child therapist and education consultant in Charlotte, North Carolina.
If you are a parent hoping to use positive affirmations, read on for expert tips on how to introduce them, how to use them correctly and different affirmations for kids.
What are positive affirmations for kids?
Tucker says affirmations had a long, ancient history before they landed in positive psychology as the mantra-like expressions we know today. “[Historically], we learned that we could cultivate a positive mindset by utilizing positive thinking,” she explains. “Today, we see affirmations integrated everywhere, from mental health therapists to children’s media, self-help podcasts and even in work culture.”
We use positive affirmations to build confidence, to shift our mindsets in hard times and to cope with heavy feelings, like self-doubt and fear. Tucker says self-affirmation has been linked to lower stress and improved performance. Affirmations can also be used to help kids:
- Boost their sense of self.
- Reinforce routines and behavior changes.
- Feel supported under stress.
Do positive affirmations work for kids?
Experts say the usefulness of affirmations is based on the brain’s ability to adapt to new patterns, also called neuroplasticity. Their effectiveness lies in their repetition. Research shows that repetitive negative thinking is a predictor of anxiety and depression. Similarly, Tucker says past research about positive thinking and positive self-talk shows some positive impact of repeated affirmations on mental wellness.
“If I think, ‘I’m going to score a goal,’ I will feel excited and motivated about scoring the goal, and I will behave in a way that increases the likelihood of scoring a goal.”
— Grace Tucker, child therapist and education consultant
Affirmations aren’t always effective. One 2021 study did not find a correlation between students saying positive affirmations and improvement in their moods, notes Tucker. However, positive self-talk has been associated with:
- Reduced public speaking anxiety for students.
- Increased motivation and dedication for athletes.
- Greater regulation of thoughts, feelings and behavior.
“Cognitive behavioral therapy tells us that our thoughts, feelings and behavior are all deeply correlated,” Tucker says. “Therefore, if I think, ‘I’m going to score a goal,’ I will feel excited and motivated about scoring the goal, and I will behave in a way that increases the likelihood of scoring a goal — asking for the ball, positioning myself to score or taking a shot at the goal. Conversely, the same is true.”
How kids can use positive affirmations
Affirmations aren’t a fix-all solution for preventing negative thinking. It’s also crucial to teach youth to affirm their circumstances honestly. Further, affirmations are not a suitable replacement when young people need therapy or medication support to manage neurodiversity or mental health concerns like anxiety or depression.
Here’s how experts say you can use positive affirmations properly, and a few things to keep in mind when using them with kids:
Lifestyle matters
Affirmations should be used in conjunction with other positive behaviors, like getting enough sleep and establishing healthy routines. A 2023 study published in the journal “Cognition and Emotion” found fragmented sleep makes it harder to control emotions and easier to fixate on negative ideas. Affirmations can complement self-care and health behaviors, but they can’t replace them.
Affirmations should be part of a self-esteem toolkit
Positive self-talk also works best when it’s a part of a more extensive self-esteem practice. Other ways to build children’s self-esteem outside of affirmations include:
- Listening to and acknowledging their thoughts and feelings.
- Modeling positive self-talk and self-image.
- Offering clear expectations and support during challenges.
- Allowing them to make decisions for themselves when possible.
“It’s not enough to just tell yourself, ‘I can do hard things.’ We have to do the hard thing.”
— Grace Tucker
Don’t just affirm, act
Tucker says affirmations are rooted in core values and self-worth, so they require action to be effective. “It’s not enough to just tell yourself, ‘I can do hard things.’ We have to do the hard thing,” she says. “This is where the magic happens: a thought becomes a belief because we reinforce that thought with action.”
Tucker advises collaborating with your child so they not only think more positively, but also take action to reinforce those thoughts. This will help their belief in themselves continue to grow.
Lead with empathy
Tucker notes that affirmations can feel invalidating if misused. She says we should lead with empathy and compassion when our child is experiencing a challenge. “For example, if your child states that math is hard, don’t immediately reply, ‘I can do hard things,’” she explains. “Although this is a great growth mindset affirmation, you first want to acknowledge your child’s feelings with empathy, affirm them and then problem-solve.”
Instead, she says, you might respond with: “I know this is difficult, but you can do hard things. Let’s figure out how.”
Make positive affirmations a fun family routine
Dr. Lauren Mims, an assistant professor of applied psychology at New York University’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education and Human Development, encourages parents to affirm their children in ways that align with what they’re already doing. “I think the best suggestion I can give is to continue cultivating your relationship with your child,” she says. “Messages of affirmation can be embedded right into your daily routines.”
Mims points to the following as simple, often culturally congruent ways, for parents to affirm their kids:
- During family dinner, share what you love about each family member.
- Make a happy music playlist and squeeze in a nightly family dance party.
- Choose an affirming song and sing it proudly with a hairbrush or spoon microphone.
- Read books with affirming characters, messages and storylines.
Mims also suggests a call-and-response game during which kids have to choose something about themselves to celebrate. For example: “My name is Lauren (Her name is Lauren), and I love how I try my best (Lauren tries her best). My name is Mom (Her name is Mom), and I love how strong I am (Mom is strong).”
Using positive affirmations for kids to affirm difference
Children of color and others who belong to marginalized groups can benefit from positive affirmations as well. Black and other marginalized communities often practice affirmations as a cultural strategy to affirm their value amid the realities of systemic racism. Studies have found that Black American and Latino students who completed self-affirming exercises took on more challenging courses and were likelier to enroll in college.
“We’ve learned a lot about how messages of racial pride … or reciting affirmations with your child in the mirror about the beauty of their African American features and their cultural background helps children build strong, healthy identities.”
— Dr. Lauren Mims, assistant professor of applied psychology
Mims says that only a few studies have examined the benefits of affirmations on children’s development, but she and other Black developmental psychologists have examined the benefits of ethnic-racial socialization — or, how parents communicate about race — on children’s mental health.
“We have learned a lot about how messages of racial pride — like saying, ‘I’m Black, and I’m proud’ — or reciting affirmations with your child in front of the mirror about the beauty of their African American features and their cultural background helps children build strong, healthy identities,” she says. “We have even found that it can buffer against the negative effects of racial discrimination.”
Mims has found these messages of affirmation and joy are crucial in nurturing Black children’s brilliance. Mims and her colleagues work through Homeplace to affirm Black youth inside and outside the home. She says the positive interactions Black children have with their caregivers are like glitter — it sticks with children for a long time. “I like to think of my work as learning about and bringing even more glitter to the lives of Black families,” she says.
Complete list of 27 positive affirmations for kids
Tuckers says affirmations can be incorporated into daily routines and used during transitions to be proactive about any upcoming challenges you or your child may face. It’s helpful if you keep several things in mind when introducing positive affirmations to kids:
- Know what goal or shift you’d like to support your child through.
- Confirm that your vision for them is congruent with their vision for themself.
- Keep the affirmations simple.
Here are some different positive affirmations for kids to help you get started:
Morning positive affirmations for kids
“‘Filling your tank’ in the morning is a great way to be sure kids have enough ‘fuel’ to get through the day,” Tucker says. “You can utilize visuals like writing affirmations on the bathroom mirror, using a card deck, books or even songs.” Here are some morning affirmations to try:
- I am strong and determined.
- I choose my attitude.
- I can do hard things.
- Today is going to be a great day.
- It’s OK to make mistakes.
- I am ready to learn.
“I am” affirmations
When kids seem to be trapped in negative thought patterns or are being hard on themselves, Tucker recommends “I am” affirmations. These are ideal for when kids experience self-identity concerns, like feeling that they give up easily or that they aren’t a good friend. They include:
- I am committed.
- I am a good friend.
- I am worthy.
- I am brave.
- I am capable.
“I can” affirmations
If kids are experiencing concerns about their ability to achieve something, like riding their bike or advocating for themselves, Tucker says to try an “I can” affirmation:
- I can ride a bike.
- I can speak up for myself.
- I can do all things with hard work.
- I can rest, recharge and keep working towards my goals.
- I can ask for help when I need it.
- I can revamp and walk away.
Positive identity affirmations for kids
Use the following affirmations to help celebrate who kids are and affirm their identities, core values and self-worth:
- I am Black/neurodivergent/Latinx/disabled/etc. and proud.
- I love my hair/skin/culture/body.
- My differences make me, me.
- I accept myself for who I am.
- There’s nothing wrong with being different.
- I am beautiful just as I am.
- My culture/brain differences/language/skin help me see the world differently, and it adds to who I am.
- My perspectives matter.
- Big feelings aren’t bad things.
- I don’t have to change to be worthy.
The bottom line on positive affirmations for kids
As Mims explains, it’s important to know your children are listening and learning from you, and your presence matters. Affirmations can help children, tweens and teens develop a positive sense of self, find the courage to pursue new goals and challenge negative messages and thoughts. However, positive affirmations are not a fix-all solution for more profound concerns.
Children still need emotional and mental health support during difficult times, and they still need guidance in establishing healthy behaviors and a sense of self. But, with validation, consistency and a supportive lifestyle, positive affirmations are an excellent addition to your social emotional learning toolkit.
