What to do if your child doesn’t want a tutor

Hiring a tutor to help your child is a common thing. But what happens when your child doesn’t want a tutor?

Adrianne Meldrum, a professional private tutor and author of The Tutor House blog, and Gaye Weintraub, a private tutor in Sugar Land, Texas, offer suggestions to help. 

Here are six common protests offered by students and our experts’ takes on how to deal with them.

1. “I Can Do it Myself”
   Explain to your child how you notice they’re struggling in a particular subject, and a tutor can give them the skills to make learning easier. Explain everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and a tutor can help in a subject they struggle with.

   “Having a tutor has nothing to do with intelligence,” Weintraub suggests explaining. “Having a tutor simply means they need someone to help them with a specific subject matter until they are able to understand it themselves without outside support.”

2. “A Tutor Can’t Help Me”
   A child who doesn’t want to go to tutoring likely associates learning with negative feelings. He/she is disconnected to the material taught in class and discouraged because of a weakness in skills, which leads to diminished self-esteem. This can make the child unmotivated to take on a new learning environment. A tutor’s ultimate job is to make learning easier for the student, and sometimes this can mean teaching in non-traditional ways.

   “Tutors are the ultimate hunter for a child’s learning style,” Meldrum shares. “Your child should understand that not everyone learns the same and a tutor can find out what works for them.”

3. “I Don’t Want to Talk About School”
   Ask your child to schedule a time to talk about this subject. Giving your child control of the topic may help them express their feelings. If that doesn’t work, Meldrum suggests inviting the child to come to the tutor with you, just to meet. “I’ve even had students sit in the car and I came out to meet them. Once they saw that I was a kind person, they were much more willing to come for tutoring.”

4. “More School After School?!”
   After being at school all day, it’s reasonable for a child to want a change in scenery. Meldrum realizes being in the classroom all day can cause children to feel antsy. “I am sensitive to this and try to find ways to engage my students and avoid more worksheets or sitting,” she says. “Most tutors are fantastic body-language readers and can see when your child needs something different.”

   Some schools may even allow the tutor to come to school, says Weintraub. “If a child has a hectic after-school schedule, speak with the child’s counselor to see where tutoring might fit into the school day. I meet a lot of my students at their school.”

5. “I’m Afraid of Getting a Tutor”
   Explain that you’ve done your research and hired a trustworthy, competent person who you feel will help your child. As Meldrum suggests, a pre-tutoring meeting where the student and tutor can talk and get to know each other will help the child feel more comfortable.

6. “Having a Tutor is Embarrassing”
   Explain how proud you are of your child and his/her success. Keep conversations upbeat and reinforce your child’s positive behavior, before getting to the root of the problem.

   If your child is worried about being teased at school, Meldrum suggests role-playing the situation. “Maybe they could say phrases like this to naysayers: ‘Hey, it’s the best help I have ever gotten, sure beats waiting around for my teacher before or after school,’ or ‘You should try it! My grades speak for themselves.'” Giving your child the confidence to stand up for themselves can lessen their anxiety.

While your child is warming up to a tutor — or even the idea of one — keep a positive attitude. Academic problems can be debilitating and intimidating to your relationship. Try relieving this tension by playing board games together, baking or doing other activities your child enjoys to take the spotlight off of struggles. If your child balks at having a tutor, stay calm and keep communication open. Explain to your child this will help them in the future, which can lead to viewing a tutor in a positive light.

Rhonda Cratty is a teacher, instructional coach and writer in Denver. Her work can be found here.