Is there really a difference when it comes to parenting boys vs girls? While the idea of girls in precious pink dresses playing with dolls and boys charging around the house knocking over mom’s china may seem like a relic from your grandmother’s days, modern-day life with kids doesn’t always defy every gender archetype.
“Boys’ stereotypes are as a result of misunderstanding the wonder of boys,” says Kim Anderssen Hayward, parent coach and creator of the Bringing Up Boys … Raising Good Men blog. She notes that understanding the differences between boys and girls can “harness the positive potential of boy brains and limit the negative stereotyping.”
Keep in mind, your take on parenting isn’t always going to be the same as everyone else’s. “Parents who have sons and daughters have a wide range of views on how raising a girl is different from raising a son,” says Judy Reith, a parenting coach and the author of “7 Secrets of Raising Girls Every Parent Must Know.”
What do you need to know about raising boys vs girls? Check out the challenges that may be stronger in regard to one gender compared to the other.
Girls:
- They Face Pressure to Care About Their Appearance
“I believe it has never been a better time to raise a daughter with more equal and global opportunities on offer, but the dark side of social media can put her under pressure to be stick thin, beautiful, clever, popular …” explains Reith.“Her friends and family also bring about this pressure, so our job as parents is to build strong, independent-minded girls who can stand up to this pressure by role modeling good values at home, which will help them cope with the challenges life throws at them.” Likewise, media outlets such as magazines and movies can put pressure on girls to look a certain way, and that should be addressed, notes the American Academy of Pediatrics.
- They May be Increasingly Sensitive
“Girls are more sensitive and can take criticism badly, leaving the parents bewildered as to why their daughter is so upset,” Reith says.”You might say to your daughter, ‘What time are you coming home for dinner?’ and she yells back, ‘You’re ruining my life.'” You must learn to balance parenting with your daughter’s emotions.
- They Face Pressure Everywhere
“Girls can suffer from lack of self-belief from this crazy pressure to succeed on all fronts,” says Reith. But she adds this is also true when raising boys. “In adolescence, both boys and girls will be questioning everything about who they are, what they want out of life and figuring out their own values.”
- They’re Stuck With the Same Toys
“If you look at the toys and clothing on offer for girls, there is still a lot of pink out there,” Reith notes. That doesn’t mean you need to stick with pink objects and traditional dolls all the time. Give your daughters choices and introduce them to non-gendered toys.
Boys:
- They are Visual-Spatial Thinkers
“Boys brains are pre-wired to be more interested in moving objects,” Anderssen Hayward says. “They do better with visual problems and interpreting visual information.” This may mean that boys do well in or enjoy subjects like math and gravitate toward certain hands-on activities.
- They Need More Physicality
While girls may be more emotionally sensitive, boys often act in physical ways. If rough-and-tumble play seems aggressive, it is. But that doesn’t mean boys are violent. Anderssen Hayward notes that there is an important distinction between aggression and violence that you as a parent must monitor.
- They may Hide Their Emotions
Your daughter isn’t shy about crying, but your son — he’s another story. “You son will rarely let you know that he needs to talk to you. Instead he will have more subtle signs: He hangs around you but doesn’t say anything,” says Anderssen Hayward. You may need to encourage your boy to share his thoughts and feelings, listening to what he really has to say and allowing him to show vulnerability.
Is it nature vs nurture, brain-based behavior or something else entirely that influences the differences of raising boys vs girls? Many believe these differences are intrinsic, and as a result boys and girls cannot be raised, taught or motivated in the same way.
What happens when kids cross roles? Read Gender Roles and Children: Parents React to Boys in Tutus.
Erica Loop is a mom, parenting writer and educator with an M.S. in child development. When she’s not teaching, she’s busy creating kids’ activities for her blog Mini Monets and Mommies.
