You spend a lot of time worrying about how well your kids are doing in school and whether or not they’ll be successful, but what about making sure they’re happy? While you can’t keep your kids in a bubble to protect them from disappointment and challenges, you can raise happy children who are equipped to deal with whatever the world may throw at them.
Experts Jan Hunt, an attachment parenting counselor and director of The Natural Child Project, and Dr. Alice Sterling Honig, a professor of child and family studies at Syracuse University and author of “Secure Relationships,” share tips on setting kids up for a lifetime of positive attitudes and mental well-being.
- Be a Role Model
Developing traits like optimism and gratitude are essential to raising happy children, but how do you teach such complex ideas to young children? “Modeling is the one-word answer,” says Hunt, “because children will follow our example intuitively.” In other words, if you want your children to be optimistic, grateful, patient and generally happy, the best way to teach them is by embodying those things yourself. You don’t have to be absolutely perfect, explains Hunt — kids are resilient and flexible — just focus on doing the best you can.
- Foster Emotional Intelligence
Understanding and respecting both your own feelings and the feelings of others is important to overall happiness. Although emotions come naturally, understanding them doesn’t — it’s something that needs to be taught. “When you see that your child is feeling angry or frustrated, it’s important to acknowledge those feelings,” explains Dr. Honig. Validate your child’s emotions by letting him know that you see his frustration and that it’s okay to have those feelings.The same goes for understanding other people’s emotions. “Learning empathy is hard,” says Dr. Honig, “It helps to describe what it feels like for the other person.” If difficult feelings are a direct result of your child’s actions, then make sure you explain to him what has happened so he understands the effect of his own behaviors. Keep in mind that developing emotional intelligence takes time and you’ll likely repeat similar conversations many times. It can help to talk about the day and any issues that came up at a calm time like during dinner.
To help, follow these 9 Tips for Getting Kids to Talk About Their Day.
- Praise Effort, Not Ability
Studies, like this one from Stanford University, have shown that toddlers whose efforts are praised, rather than their talent, are more likely to have positive attitudes as they grow. How you dole out that praise is also important. Dr. Honig explains, “Be positive and specific. Say something like, ‘You are trying so hard and I really appreciate what you’re doing.'”In addition to not focusing on talent, here are 19 Things You Should Never Say to Kids
Praising effort can also help kids learn how to deal with letdowns. When teaching kids how to deal with disappointment, the first step is to validate their feelings, says Hunt. If your child asks for a new toy, for example, first acknowledge that she likes it and then explain why you can’t buy it. “Give her some hope, though, by suggesting to put it on a wish list when you get home.”
- Don’t Forget About the Body
Physical health is also vital to happiness. Hunt says, “Not eating or sleeping well can affect mental well-being.” It’s really important to think about the mind and body connection, she explains. Teach your kids about the importance of eating healthy, getting physical exercise and getting plenty of rest to set them up for a lifetime of healthy habits.Make healthy eating the norm by offering your kids the same variety of wholesome foods you eat starting at an early age. Go on family hikes, play sports together or invite your child to join you the next time you roll out your yoga mat. You’re not only setting a great example, but it makes for some great bonding time — after all, building healthy relationships is another integral part of happiness.
Learn more about kids’ health with these helpful articles.
Shahrzad Warkentin is a freelance writer with several years of experience covering topics like parenting, health and lifestyle, and a stay-at-home mom in Los Angeles.
