There’s no doubt you love your kid — but sometimes she does something that makes you want to tear your hair out. Though you have things covered most of the time, there are times when your perfect child can become a difficult child. What do you do when things get out of hand?
Here are seven tough situations parents and caregivers face and tips for handling them:
- Sibling Warfare Breaks Out
Separate your children and keep them away from each other until they’ve cooled off. Then bring them back together and let each child tell his or her side of the story. Use a little role reversal to help each child see the situation from their sibling’s perspective, suggests Dr. Gail Gross, a nationally recognized family and child development expert in Houston. This is also a great time to brainstorm ways to handle conflicts like these in the future with both children.
- A Knock-Down-Drag-Out Tantrum in the Grocery Store
Your child spotted something he desperately wanted and, when you denied his request, responded by throwing a tantrum. “When a child is upset and having a temper tantrum, he’s in fight mode,” says Dr. Gross. “He’s very emotional and not thinking critically, so his reactions are overreactions.” Your child needs your help to come out of that tantrum. The best way to do this is to remove him from the environment. Take him to a restroom or out to the car so he can calm down. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable and work together to come up with alternatives for expressing his feelings.
- “You’re Not the Boss of Me!”
Your child screams as she slams her bedroom door behind her. As your child tests boundaries or experiments with newfound independence, you may be subjected to a helping of backtalk. Flying off the handle will only make things worse, so remember to keep your cool. Have rules and consequences in place and be consistent in reinforcing them. Oftentimes, if your child is aware of the rules and consequences, a short verbal reminder or a look is all it takes to keep a situation from getting out of hand.
- Name Calling, Eye Rolling, and Cursing (Oh My!)
Don’t take it personally and don’t overreact — otherwise it’ll bring the focus to your behavior rather than his. Most likely your child doesn’t feel like he’s being seen or heard, and the disrespectful behavior guarantees your attention. Invite your child into a conversation about the behavior and involve them in coming up with the rules and consequences. “Children are much more likely to follow rules and regulations they’ve been a part of making because they’re invested in it,” says Dr. Gross.
- When the School Bully Is Your Kid
“So much of what children do is for attention, either positive or negative,” says Dr. Gross. Refrain from embarrassing, humiliating or shaming your child for his behavior. Explain how bullying affects others and focus on how he’s made the picked-on children feel. Do express your disappointment and discipline your child appropriately. But don’t forget to point out and credit your child for positive behavior as well. He’ll realize he’s far more likely to get your attention for the good stuff.
- When Your Child Becomes a Loner
If your child is on her own a lot, she may be suffering from low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can make it difficult for children to make friends and fit in, which can lead to problems at home. You can help your child by focusing on the positive. Tell her how proud you are when she does something kind or helpful and bond with her doing activities she excels in.
- Mealtime Drama
Picky eating can be frustrating but isn’t uncommon. Again, your child is most likely testing the limits and seeing how far she can go. Dr. Gross recommends offering choices. You want to teach her independence and offer opportunities for her to make her own choices. If she feels more in control of her meal, she’ll be more likely to eat what’s on her plate.
You’re not necessarily dealing with a difficult child, but a child in a difficult situation. See 10 Tips for Getting Kids to Pay Attention for more guidance. How do you encourage behavior modification in stressful parenting situations? Tell us in the comments below.
Tiffany R. Jansen is a freelance writer and mom. The biggest difficulty she has with her child is her insistence on growing up so fast!
