Having a second child means a little sister or brother for your firstborn and the return of those baby days for you and your partner. While preparing for the arrival of another bundle of joy, you’ll be faced with a whole host of questions.
As you daydream about your belly swelling once again or your adoption journey beginning, here are nine questions to think about when you’re debating having a second child, along with smart words from moms who’ve been there:
- Are You and Your Partner on the Same Page?
Not every couple agrees on whether to have a second child, so be sure to sit down and discuss it before you actually try for another. “Once my husband saw how much money and effort go into having kids, he wasn’t keen on a second,” relates Christina V., a mom of three from Suffolk Country, New York. “Luckily, I convinced him to go for more!”
- Do You Have the Space?
If you plan to have your children share a bedroom, get out the measuring tape. Fitting a big kid bed and a crib into the same space could be tricky. Planning ahead will ensure you have enough time to renovate or move if necessary.
- Do You Have the Money?
There’s no avoiding it: two kids mean twice the expenses, including food, clothes, toys, school fees and more. Meeting with a financial planner is a good idea, as is taking a hard look at your savings and current employment.
- Will Your Firstborn Understand?
A second child is a joy to be sure, but your firstborn may have another opinion. If you decide to have another child, expect her to be confused, sad, mad and happy all at the same time when you tell her that another baby is on the way. To help her get ready, read books together and role play with dolls or stuffed animals so she’ll have some time to process this news in her own way. Spending time with family or friends who have new babies often helps. And remember, the sibling bond is often very special.
- How Far Apart Should Your Kids Be?
“I read several books, including ‘What to Expect,’ when I was considering my second pregnancy because I wanted to plan for enough space between my oldest and the one on the way,” says Christina. A small age gap makes it easier for kids to share clothes, toys and routines (such as a shared bath or tandem feedings). However, some parents may find a larger age gap easier, since the elder child will likely be in school for part of the day. Decide what’s ideal for your family, but remember it’s not always easy to time a pregnancy exactly how you’d like!
- How Will Child Care Work?
Your current sitter may not be willing to watch a second child or you may need to find a new day care center that takes both infants and older kids. Weigh the costs and benefits of working versus staying at home.
- Can You Learn to Parent Another Gender?
Some moms worry that they won’t be ready for another boy or girl. “I was hoping for a second daughter because I only have sisters and I had all the pink clothes,” explains Robyn B., a mom of two from Belchertown, Massachusetts. Some parents choose to find out the sex of the baby ahead of time to give them time to get used to the idea.
- How Will You Handle the Stress?
A second child only adds to the caring you’ll need to do, not to mention the extra dishes and laundry. Life with two kids isn’t perfect. In fact, it’s messier and louder, according to Christina and Robyn. But it is a lot of fun! Try to cut yourself some slack and line up an extra pair of hands to help out (your mom, sister or a friend) if you have another baby.
- How Do You Manage Two?
Don’t forget Dad when it comes to having a second child. Many moms look forward to one-on-one time with their kids — and your partner likely feels the same way. Think about ways you’ll both be able to bond with each child and ways you can celebrate your now-larger family unit.
The arrival of another baby is a momentous occasion, and it’s a huge decision for you and your partner to make. Decide what’s best for you and share the joy of your family with your partner!
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Jennifer Kelly Geddes is a New York-based writer and editor who specializes in parenting, health and child development. She’s a frequent contributor to Care.com and the mom of two teen girls.
