If you’ve ever resorted to bribing your kid to brush her teeth, you know the frustration of an unmotivated child. While self-motivation for kids is crucial when it comes to their long-term success, it’s not something every child comes by naturally. Though it might be tempting to take on a whatever-it-takes attitude, think twice. Hovering, pushing and bribing could do more harm than good. “For children to have lifelong success, they must learn to work hard even when no one is watching them,” says Dr. Shimi Kang, the author of “The Self-Motivated Kid.”
According to Dr. Kang, a self-motivated child is driven internally by either a passion for the activity or an understanding of its purpose and a desire for the natural reward of succeeding.
“For example, although a child might not have a passion for math, if she knows that completing first grade math is the only way to get to second grade, [she will work hard to accomplish that],” says Dr. Kang. Self-motivation is critical for children to develop in order to be successful during childhood endeavors, but equally important is the effect on them as adults. Dr. Kang says, “A key skill for success is adaptability and resilience, and self-motivation is an ingredient for both.”
So what can you do to encourage self-motivation in your child? Here are some tips:
- Guide His Schedule
Encouraging a balanced lifestyle is critical, so keep extracurricular activities manageable, enforce an age-appropriate bedtime and provide plenty of downtime. “A child can’t be sleep-deprived, exhausted or overly busy, as these impede motivation,” says Dr. Kang.
- Encourage Play
You don’t have to stick to just studying and chores. “Explore new and different things without regard to outcome or evaluation,” advises Dr. Kang. “This type of free play allows for finding and developing individual passions.”
- Help Her Find a Sense of Community
Connecting with friends, family, neighbors and school groups enhances a feeling of purpose, which in turn enhances self-motivation for kids. “If a child is closely bonded with her sports teammates, for example, she will work harder for the good of the team,” says Dr. Kang.
- Be a “Dolphin” Parent
Dr. Kang classifies parents into three categories: dolphin, tiger and jellyfish. Dolphin parents are authoritative and effective at encouraging self-motivation by allowing independence while still giving guidance, while tiger parents are strict and demanding and jellyfish parents are permissive and overindulgent. Want more information on parenting styles? Check out Parenting Styles Revealed.
- Avoid General Praise
Rather than saying things like, “Good job,” Dr. Kang suggests parents focus praise on character values like honesty, integrity, respect and responsibility. “This method is a focus on building the inside character versus the outside resume and leads to greater internal motivation,” she explains.
- Focus on Effort
Instead of celebrating that aced test or first place win in the soccer tournament, keep praise on how hard they worked to accomplish that goal. This ensures the child will keep working, even when tasks seem difficult. Dr. Kang explains, “If we mainly praise performance, the child will lose motivation if they know the task is too hard. It’s a fixed versus growth mindset.”
- Aim to Inspire
Pushing, bribing and micromanaging your child may provide temporary motivation, but according to Dr. Kang, those methods do little to help develop self-motivation for kids. Instead, she suggests, “Try to inspire your child by igniting their natural interests or passions, developing connection to something beyond themselves and using that connection to pull them towards purpose and meaning.”
- Let Them Stumble
Whether it’s letting them face the natural consequences of their actions or working through a perceived failure, it’s critical to resist the urge to swoop in and make in everything OK, says Dr. Kang. “If we constantly save our children from adversity, then they do not learn resiliency and independent problem-solving. A child who is capable of solving problems and believes they can overcome obstacles will be more self-motivated,” she explains.
Are you interested in upping your parenting game? Check out 7 Ways to Win at Parenting.
Let us know in the comments how you got your kids to be self-motivated!
Andrea Dashiell is a freelance writer whose work has been published in The Seattle Times, Seattle Magazine, ParentMap, Parents.com, DailyCandy and RedTricycle.
