Before you have kids, it’s extremely easy to judge other parents and their children. That girl throwing a fit in the cereal aisle? My (nonexistent) (perfect) daughter would never do that! That boy interrupting his mother while I am clearly trying to talk to her? Why can’t she just teach him some manners!
Well, as parents quickly learn, karma’s a killer. All the judgment I once harbored upon witnessing less-than-perfect behavior has flown out the window about as fast as a stinky diaper lands in the diaper genie. Why? Well because, as a mother to three young children, I have gone back on pretty much every one of my self-entitled “I will never do that” moments.
Here’s a list of my 8 parenting “commandments” I swore to uphold before I had kids…and yet, here we are:
- “I Will Never Let My Children Eat in the Car”
You may have to dig a bit to see the floor of my mom mobile, but it’s there. It’s just hiding beneath a thick veneer of rice cake pieces and graham cracker crumbs. I will gladly throw snacks behind my back, perform intense yoga stretches and just generally do whatever it takes to keep my kids’ mouths occupied in ways other than complaining while in the confined space of the car.
- “My Kid Will Never Use a Pacifier”
This one lasted, oh, a day. Listen, 29-year-old me: You have no idea how precious sleep is until it’s gone. So, you do whatever it takes to get it — whether that involves a pacifier or not. Let me tell you: it was a hard-fought battle to get my second child to take it. And one we lost, as evidenced by the permanent bags underneath my eyes.
- “I Will Never Bribe My Children”
Oh, I know the research. Back in the day, I used to read those cute little books about how to raise children correctly before I realized that: (1) I was doing it all wrong; and (2) I didn’t have the energy to even figure out how to do it right, let alone actually execute on it. So yes, I know that bribery is a form of permissive parenting that’s supposed to take away from children’s self-agency, blah blah. But here’s the thing: Bribery works. So yes, son, you can have a quarter if you put your toys away. In fact, I can’t think of a better way to spend a quarter.> Check out the rest of our tips for getting your kids to do their chores
- “I Will Reward Them with Quality Time, Not Food”
You know what doesn’t work? Rewarding kids with a family walk rather than food. Look, my kids were going to learn at some point that one of the best things in life is chocolate. They might as well learn it from me, and as soon as possible.
- “I Will Never Let My Kids Watch Television Before They’re Two”
This lasted until I was about seven months pregnant with my second child, at which point I hit a wall of exhaustion even Spider Man couldn’t summit. Letting my son watch the “Cars” trailer on repeat allowed me to rest for twenty minutes. (And, oh by the way, 29-year-old self: He survived.)
- “I Will Never Be That Mom on Her Phone at the Playground”
Here’s a secret: Pushing your kids on the swing is super cute and fun. But after, oh, three minutes or so, it becomes a bit… boring. Here’s another secret: Being a stay-at-home mom can be isolating and lonely. Having a few minutes to reach out to friends isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially when your kids are engaged, happy and unaware that you’re not giving them your full attention.
- “I Will Never Let My Kids Be Picky Eaters”
Oops, hang on. The timer for the pasta I make every night for my daughter since she won’t eat anything else just went off. BRB. - “I Will Never Stare at My Children While They Sleep. That’s Just Creepy.”
Staring at my children while they sleep is one of the best rewards of motherhood. Seeing those smooth, peaceful faces, those tiny fingers curled around their favorite animals… it melts my heart every time. I couldn’t be happier to have been wrong about this one.
