Parenting twin girls isn’t all sugar and spice and everything nice. Even though twin sisters can be strikingly similar (especially if you’ve got identical twins), that doesn’t mean you should treat both of your girls like the same pretty princess. “Even identical twins can have very different personality traits and interests,” says Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais, a pediatrician, mom of twins and author of “Raising Twins: Parenting Multiples from Pregnancy Through the School Years.”
“As parents, it’s our job to nurture each of our kids as an individual, whether they are a twin or not.” How can you help your twins grow from giggling girls into independent young women, while celebrating both their similarities and their differences? Check out these practical tips for raising double daughters.
- Balance Family Activities
Do you have one girly girl and one tomboy? Flais says, “Encourage each child’s interests within the capacity of the family’s time and budget. One family outing or experience may veer more towards one child’s interests ensure balance over time by making sure the next outing veers in the other direction. Remind your kids that things balance out over time, and to respect each other and their interests as twins and siblings.”
- Allow for Gender Neutrality
Does it look like you decorated your girls’ room with a palette of Pepto pink? While it’s tempting to break out the Cinderella wall stencils, don’t assume that having two times the girls means having two times the dolls. Allow each child to make her own decisions when it comes to gendered toys, clothing and decor.
- Share a Room — If They Want
Yazmin Jason, a mom of twin girls who writes about raising twins at CT Mommy Blog, says that her girls share a room. But even though right now she can’t imagine them sleeping separately, “As they get older, I’ll let them decide when and if they want to sleep in separate rooms,” she says. While there’s no right answer for every family, as your twin girls grow and develop their own identities, consider following Jason’s lead and give them choices.
- Use Their Names
Use each girl’s name when talking to or about her, and encourage other caregivers to do the same. Avoid constantly grouping them together as “the twins” or “the girls.”
- Ask About Separate Classrooms
Don’t just ask the school, ask your children, too. While Flais notes that young children in preschool or kindergarten aren’t developmentally ready to make this decision, older kids may be able to. “Our identical twins flourished in separate classrooms from preschool through the fourth grade,” Flais says.“Sharing a home, bedroom and family, it was healthy for them to have some independent time, and they enjoyed reuniting after school.” That said, “It is not a ‘one-and-done’ decision, families should assess the pros and cons each year, and adapt as needed. Some years twins may benefit from separation, others, by being together.”
- Get Thrifty at Party Planning
You want your girls to each feel special, but budgeting for two times the birthday parties makes you want to ‘accidentally lose’ your check book. Plan ahead and consider ways to save (such as DIY strategies instead of going all pro) on the multiplied multiples expenses. Instead of having two parties, with two cakes and two different design schemes, make a thrifty split and try a half-and-half cake or divide the room with two different decoration color schemes.
- Encourage Independent Interests
Jason notes that, “Giving each twin her own identity and attention is probably one of the hardest parts of having multiples.” Allowing each child to explore her own interests is one strategy when it comes to separating identities. While it’s tempting to sign them both up for ballet and gymnastics, keep in mind that not all girls enjoy the same activities.
From double diaper duty to double dates, having twin girls really is double the fun! Are you looking for games that will make your girls giggle with glee? Read on for 12 Games for Girls of All Ages.
Erica Loop is a mom, parenting writer and educator with an MS in child development, When she’s not teaching, she’s busy creating kids’ activities.
* This article is for general informational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be providing medical advice and is not a substitute for such advice. The reader should always consult a health care provider concerning any medical condition or treatment plan. Neither Care.com nor the author assumes any responsibility or liability with respect to use of any information contained herein.
