The role of an au pair can sometimes be complex and challenging. But the rewards of this line of work can quickly evaporate when caution and care aren’t exercised. Keep reading to learn more about what to avoid to become a successful au pair.
Au pair, which can literally be translated as “at the same level,” describes a line of work typically involving the services of young foreign workers. The live-in individual, typically a student, performs temporary duties, which generally involve housework and childcare.
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Here’s what not to do when you’re an au pair:
- Never Forget Boundaries
Spending months living with a new family can start out challenging, but soon your hosts may grow to become like an extended family. Never forget you are a guest, and that you should respect any personal and familial boundaries within the family.Conversely, a host family should also respect your own personal boundaries while you’re boarding with them. Establishing and maintaining an open dialog with your hosts can ensure no statements or actions are ever misunderstood.
- Never Be Inflexible, Especially With Children
Au pairs tasked with child care duties require patience and adaptability to match the energy of your company. Children, by nature, are a finicky, fickle lot, so be prepared for surprises.“You’ll be swimming upstream if you don’t adapt to the mood the child is in,” says Kirsty Burton, a former British au pair, tutor and founder of ESL website Confident Living UK.
- Never Shrug Off the Law
If your host country requires you obtain a work visa to perform your au pair duties, get one.Working without the proper legal documentation, such as a visa, can leave you with less legal recourse if you experience mistreatment.Former American au pair Caitlin Byrnes, who said she loved her au pair experience, says she met many other au pairs who, without proper visas, were helpless in the face of abuses.
- Never Ignore Your Contract Terms
Establishing a clearly-defined work contract is also crucial to a flawless au pair experience, says Byrnes, whose rich experience with her Swiss host family went awry because of confusion over the last day of her employment.“Ask about hours, but get specific,” says Byrnes. “Will they want date nights? How often? What happens if the family goes on vacation? Or if the parents have a day off?” In addition to firmly establishing a stipend, find out how much money will be allotted for child play dates.
- Never Dwell on Hot-Button Issues
Differences in opinion are bound to arise when living in a new land, but they shouldn’t get in the way of your job. Avoiding heated discussions about religious or political issues can ensure no lasting resentments linger during your time as an au pair.“It can be tempting to open up, particularly as you get to know your au pair employer or your client. But it’s difficult to overcome differences on these topics later on,” says Burton.
- Never Get Distracted for Too Long
It’s true that life can catch up with you when you least expect it, but try not to let it affect your au pair responsibilities too greatly, especially if you work extensively with children.“It’s going to be impossible to show that you genuinely care for the student or child if you’re more preoccupied with your own issues and are too much in your own mind,” says Burton. She recommends just five minutes of mindful meditation to help refocus listless minds and bring au pairs fully into the present.
- Never Have a Closed Mind
Au pairs have the opportunity to experience new cultures and experiences, so don’t apply to become one without a curiosity about the world. Try to learn at least the language of your country before you arrive, and extrapolate what you can from every interaction.Byrnes had a comically unfortunate experience during her au pair experience when she didn’t realize that the foreign phrase the 3-year-old in her care was screaming meant “throw up.” The result was a very messy car ride.
“It certainly broke the ice — and now I certainly know what that word in Swedish means,” says Byrnes.
Tiffany Smith is the director of content and publicity at William Woods University. She has written for All You, Time for Kids and the Boston Globe. And, as a former babysitter, she knows a lot about fun games to play with kids. Getting them to eat their veggies — that’s a different story! Follow her on Twitter at @tiffanyiswrite.
