After nine long months of worrying and wondering about your baby, you’ll finally get to meet your sweet little bundle of joy. Unfortunately, the labor process is far from the spiritual, other-worldly picture some people like to paint it as. In fact, if you ask any group of women for their best quotes about giving birth, you’ll get stories of fierce demands, irrational fears and F-bombs tossed around the delivery room like confetti.
Whether you said some ridiculous stuff while your own feet were in the stirrups or you’re a mom-to-be that’s worried about having an embarrassing outburst once the first contraction hits, know that you’re not alone!
Here are some hilarious quotes about giving birth from six women who’ve been there:
- The Center of Attention
Here’s a helpful tip for partners and fathers-to-be: When a woman is in labor, it’s best to let her be the center of attention. When her husband thought he was going to pass out, Traci McNett-O’Neill of A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen’s Momma told him, “You’d better go sit down because everyone in this room is here for ME and if you faint, no one will be catching YOU.”
- Can’t Be Shushed
Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus exploded with “Don’t you f%$&ing shush me!” at her mother-in-law, who was just trying to soothe her. But don’t worry if you come out with something similar. Once Grandma gets her hands on that adorable little baby, all will be forgiven.
- Fair Warning
When it came time to push, Lynn Shattuck of The Light Will Find You was worried about releasing more than just her baby. She yelled out, “I’m gonna poop!” But it was thoughtful of her to warn everyone, right? By the way, it’s totally normal to poop during delivery. Really. It is.
- The Bargaining Chip
In the midst of intense labor, Cordelia Newlin DeRojas of Multilingual Mama looked at her husband and asked, “Do you want me to push this baby out?” Of course he did, so in a moment of pure genius, she said, “Promise me I’ll never have to clean another bathroom or toilet again!” And he did! Take notes, ladies. Having a baby is no small thing, and you should choose your bargaining chip accordingly.
- Crowning Achievement
Just as her baby was crowning, the doctor asked Fia Marquis of Forkable‘s husband if he wanted to see the head. Fia screamed, “NO!” and abruptly took charge of the situation. Way to go, Fia. Some things just can’t be unseen.
- Bikini-Ready
Not shy about making her priorities clear, Lola Lolita of Sammiches and Psych Meds instructed her doctor to be sure to make her C-section scar low enough that she could be “bikini-ready in a year.” Hey, sometimes a mom just has to look out for her beach body!
So take heart, moms and moms-to-be. Labor and delivery hospital staff have most likely heard every inappropriate outburst you can think of. And be sure to remember: After this potentially embarrassing moment, you’ll be left with an adorable, bouncing baby boy or girl. It will all be worth it in the end!
And after the whole ordeal is over, be sure to treat yourself: Check out 10 Ideas for a Push Present.
Do you have some of your own hilarious quotes about giving birth? Tell us in the comments below!
Kate Parlin is a writer and mom of three girls, two of whom are twins! She writes about her parenting adventures, everything from the funny stuff to the frustrating freak-outs, on her blog, Shakespeare’s Mom.
